Abrams Doesn't Fuck Up Cloverfield | Sharapova's Thigh

Abrams Doesn't Fuck Up Cloverfield

Posted by Bz | 1/29/2008 09:02:00 PM

I'm sure I'll get lampooned for this but I'm saying it...I hate Lost. Seriously, this might be the most ridiculous show on television. If you miss just one episode you'll be living up to the title of this show. It's like Abrams had six other people write a portion of the screenplay without looking at each others at any point. Polar bears? Weirdo natives who speak English? Only two chicks worth throwing a Slim Jim at? The show should have lasted one episode: they fly in a plane, it crashes, and they all die. The End.

That's kind of similar to Cloverfield, actually.

You've had over a week to see the movie so I'm not concerned about spoilers. Anywho, Abrams was right on the money with Cloverfield. It's one of the best American monster movies I've ever seen. And I don't think I need to tell you folks to suspend your disbelief; it's a monster movie. This idea didn't seem to relate to the fucktard behind me who kept bitching that "if they've used the light on the camera this long the battery should be out." Perhaps the guy just happened to forget that there was a 50 story monster throwing a bigger fit that Britney Spears with an umbrella.

The monster didn't end up being an octopus or giant rat or whatever CF theorists out there predicted. It was like a composite of all monsters--like Abrams just ripped limbs from Japanese monster toys and haphazardly glued them together. Unlike most monster smash city movies, this one didn't focus as much on the big guy gutting the place. A good third of the movie was all character development...this seems to be Abrams' forte. It actually made me kind of give a shit if the people ended up being passed through along with a school bus or whatever the monster ate. Oh yea...I guess it bears mentioning that the camera shook...Oooooo!

All things aside, I will say that there is one particularly excellent reason to see the movie:

Odette Yustman. Her last name looks like it rhymes with "bust, man" which is what you'll do when you see her. I almost wanted to lick the rebar she had bursting from her chest at one point (not really...ok really). So in conclusion: see the movie, sit in the back row, expect unbelievable shit, don't wear sweatpants, and don't watch "Lost".