Rules are for Fools, not for Spurs | Sharapova's Thigh

Rules are for Fools, not for Spurs

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 1/31/2008 11:04:00 PM

None of here at Sharapova's Thigh like rules. Like many men that like beer, ladies...and their thighs we think that rules are meant for breaking. Well despite the previous statement there are some rules that belong intact. Prominent among these the statutes of the National Basketball Association. I mean fuck, David Stern is an attorney for Christ's sakes. By Christ's sakes I do of course mean Yahweh's sakes since DS is of course Jewish. A couple summers ago DS sat down with his minions and had the following conversation.

DS: Sup minions?

Minions: Sup DS?

DS: So last summer I told my employees that they needed to stop looking so thugalicious and more dapper. Kinda like me.

Minions: Fo shiz DS.

DS: Time for the next step toward professionalism. I want to eliminate flopping.

Minions: Sweet Dawg.

DS: Word. I want my players to stop belittling my striped employees. Especially Bavetta. You know that Dick used to love slappin bitches.

Minions: I hear that Donaghy guy is classy too.

DS: My final act of awesomeness for the summer is that I want players to stop jumping into defenders to create fouls.

Minions: Nice.

The following summer.....

DS: I freaking rock the world.

Minions: DS we have some questions about your new rules.

DS: Screw you.....ok go ahead.

Minions: Mostly your rules work, but......

DS: Spit it out you gutless bastard.
Minions: Ginobili flops all the time. He's like my wood.
DS: Wait that doesn't make sense.

Minions: Personal problem. Ginobili falls over all the time, he sucks. Let me show you some film.

(film runs)

DS: Wow he does flop a lot.

Minions: It's rather obvious sir.

DS: But dammit look at those threads. Plus I love Timmy D's tattoo. Ignore all of the flopping done by Ginobili. Stern wills it!!

Minions:.......

DS: What about these other 'issues'?
Minions: Well sir this one also applies to Ginobili and Tony Parker.

DS: Fuck. Spurs again, you know how much I love them......I mean continue.

Minions: Well sir its just that they hurl themselves into defenders all the time. It's not fair. Plus they fall down and act like whiny bitches, it's obnoxious. Look at the film.

(film runs)

DS: Fuck me running, you appear to be correct again.

Minions: It's disconcerting sir.

DS: Well fuck it, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Minions: Excuse us sir....?
DS: What's this last concern my little bitches? I'm nearly late for my massage.

Minions: Tim Duncan yells at the refs a lot. It makes us feel bad for our striped brethren. He's a mean one, screaming all the time. Plus suspending Crawford was a little harsh.

DS: You guys are schmucks, Crawford is an idiotic, elfish old baldy. Timmy D is the face of this league if I need to cheat to get him championships I will. Look how classy he is.

Minions: His beard looks like pubic hair.

DS: So?

Minions: It's cheating, and blatantly.

DS: You are all fired, now leave me and my Popovich poster alone.