Guest Rant | Sharapova's Thigh

We keep getting requests to write for the site, and we're trying to keep the official "contributors" of the site to a small number for the time being. I know I know, we're dickheads. Therefore, we're going to have some guest columns here and there. So, without further ado, here is our first "guest rant"...

Will's Nuggets
By: Will Roberts

*Tennessee men's basketball was #1 for all of one game. Jason Biggs lasted longer with Shannon Elizabeth in American Pie.

*LeBron James just scored his 10,000th point for his career. At 23 years and 59 days old he is the youngest player to ever do so. At 23 years and 59 days old I believe I was trying to not get fired from Wal-Mart for showing up 45 minutes late, hung over. That was last Thursday.

*Skip Bayless would point out LeBron would have gotten there a week ago if he wasn't such a terrible free-throw shooter. LeBron has 10,000 more points and a half-billion more fans than Skip.

*Clemens denies being pricked by a needle but proves to be a prick by saying his best friend Andy Pettitte lied under oath.

*In 2007, Barry Bonds had a 1.045 OPS(on-base + slugging percentage) - best in the entire National League - but is getting as much work as that guy at the corner of 92nd and Sheridan(only fellow Coloradoans will get that) who keeps buying beer with the money I give him for food.

*The Denver Nuggets defeated the Sonics by 42 points last night. The Washington Generals are favored by 4 against Seattle in tonight's contest. Get your money in quick, the line opened at 2 and a half.

*Yao Ming is out for the season, a crushing blow for the 813,305 people who voted for him for the All-Star-Game. Luckily you don't live in Beijing and you don't know any of them. Yao will still average more points and boards than Shaq over the next 2 months.

*What's worse? Shaq in Kazaam? Or Shaq in run and gun Phoenix?

*As for the Maria Sharapova banana pic... I wouldn't even know what to do with her. She's six feet tall and the banana has to be three times what I have to offer.