Even having an intimate moment with your lady in the bedroom is nearly impossible. Just when you're about to pass that seed along, Mel Kiper Jr. pops in for a hello: "Hey Matt. How's my hair look? I think I put too much gel in. 4.5 SPEED, 40 INCH VERTICAL LEAP!!!" Then you can't finish the job.
You know what that means. It's time to find a way to not let Todd McShay and Mel Kiper haunt you 24/7. You're going to be seeing A LOT of these guys, whether you like it or not. I don't care if you avoid ESPN for the next 2 months, they'll still find a way into your life. Go ahead, try. You'll think you're safe watching "Orangutan Island" on the Animal Planet. Then all of a sudden, Todd McShay swings down from a branch screaming, "4.3 SPEED! 3RD ROUNDER IN MY FULL MOCK DRAFT AVAILABLE TO READ FOR SUBSCRIBERS ONLY ON ESPN INSIDER! 30 BENCH REPS!" It's unavoidable.
Go to class. Your teacher's going to ask you what you think of a topic. "Matt, have any thoughts on what Yeats is trying to say in this poem?"
"Well, considering his Irish heritage and ..." You're on the right track, then it happens: "Undersized for an NFL linebacker. If he were 6'1, you're talking about a potential first round pick here. Impressed scouts with his time in the 20 yard shuttle."
So good luck, but I think you'll be saying Mel Kiper's "strenth" instead of "strength" in no time.