The person I love most in this world | Sharapova's Thigh

The person I love most in this world

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 2/14/2008 06:57:00 PM | ,

I have a lot of love to give. Mostly it's for the ladies. Looking at them makes this easier to understand / impossible to second guess:
But just for Valentine's Day I thought I'd let the world know about my biggest lover, and by lover I do of course mean person whom I would love to see die.

With pitchers and catchers on the brink of reporting there was only one person I could think of. Among the many great things that are part and parcel of the beginning of baseball season, there is one inherent evil that might doom baseball permanently to oblivion: the mouth of Joe Buck. I should probably start out with some conservative sentiment and then build to a climax at the end of the post. So here I go: I hate Joe Buck with every bone in my body and I want him to be burned alive in the fires of hell. But I don’t want him to die immediately. I hope that he stays conscious for awhile so that he can smell the stank of his rotting corpse.
Wow, maybe that wasn’t so low key…..I can’t help it though. Joe Buck sucks that bad. I mean let’s list the words that rhyme with his first and last name respectively:
- Ho
- Blow
- Elbow
- Stow
- I like to eat crow
- Dipshit

Wait a tick. Anyway now onto Buck:
- Fuck
- Suck
- I fucking suck
- Duck
- Kruk
- Muck

Everything that flows from his mouth is like a steaming pile of magma, except instead of magma it’s vomit, vomit that is filled with shit, shit that is filled with stupidity. I can’t imagine how he possibly could speak during the ALCS because he mouth was so firmly sucking on the collective gentiles of Red Sox nation. Shit they probably got sick of it. I mean I like a good Blow J just like any other Y-Chromosomer, but good God one that goes on for 2 weeks straight. That’s excessive. Then there was the World Series. I won’t even get started there.

Those of you that are NFC fans had to sit through an entire football season of his mindless blathering. How have you not killed yourselves yet? The only think I can fathom is that you listen to games in mute.
I would like to start a bounty. Anybody that can facilitate the burning alive of Joe Buck in the fires of hell will receive $1. I’m sure that as the season goes on I will up the ante, but I’m going to start low on the off chance that some of you despise him as much as I. Think of all the great things you can buy with $1.
- Wendy’s Chicken Nuggets
- …..

Ok maybe Wendy’s Chicken Nuggets are the only good thing a dollar can buy these days, but how about the inherent satisfaction of knowing that you have made the entire world of sports fans 1164x happier? Can you put a price on that?

Think about it.