Scientific Reasons why the Patriots WILL Lose the Super Bowl | Sharapova's Thigh

Karma.

Ok maybe that's not really scientific, and maybe it is only one reason. Singular. But dammit karma is meaningful. Meaningful like good conversation around jelly filled doughnuts and bong hits. Bostonians deserve every miserable thing possible to happen to them. They have the World Series (thanks in large part to MLB throwing in a day of rest between games 4 and 5 of the ALCS, but that is neither here nor there), they have the Celtics, they have an undefeated regular season, and they still bitch and moan about everything.

Case in point: "It's a conspiracy that the Dolphins traded Chris Chambers for almost nothing to the Chargers. Nobody wants us to win."

Um fuck yourself Boston.

I'm pretty sure that if all of America except for New England contracted Ebola everybody that lives there would start complaining about being left out. Complainers.

New Yorkers on the other hand just love to shout "Fuck Off" at anybody. They don't discriminate. They say it to their mama, their kids, their boss, the Dalai Lama, Bill Murray. Go getters.

Moving on to the next karmic revolution that is about to drop an atom bomb on Patriots fans. Tom Brady is a slut. He is a heartbreaker. His penis has left a poor, shivering swath of destruction in its path. There is at least a 4% chance Thomas has Chlamydia. His indiscretions are so heinous that somehow this particular strain of Chlamydia will become airborn and deadly. It will then contaminate the entire locker room just prior to kickoff. Breaking hearts isn't cool dude. Neither is sleeping around. Ok one of those statements is false.

Ok that's about all I got other than the fact that I hate the Patriots, and the Red Sox, and the Celtics, and the Departed, and Harvard, and the Big Dig.

I do like Samuel Adams though. Keep up the good work boys.