Super Bowl Preview | Sharapova's Thigh

Dewey Defeats Truman!

So here we are. Super Bowl weekend. The fate of Western Civilization comes down to the Vermont/New Hampshire/Maine/Massachusetts/Connecticut/Rhode Island Patriots vs. the New York Giants. Is this even fair? 6 states vs. 1? Are you kidding me? The Giants don't even have their own stadium, and they are expected to defeat 6 states??? Really???

Really. It all comes down to pressure. If the Giants lose, it effects one state. Yet, if the Patriots lose, an entire region will be so let down they will be left counting the days until Julio Lugo reports for spring training. I repeat. Julio Lugo. OUCH. I haven't seen this much pressure since Ted Kennedy put his sobriety to the test at the Samuel Adams Brewery tour.

The Giants have nothing to lose (well, except for the game and their dignity); whereas the Patriots have to win. Sources tell me 64 teams have gone 18-0, yet not a single team has finished the season at a perfect 19-0. Just last year, the Buffalo Bills started the season 18-0, yet you probably don't remember that because no one remembers a loser (well, unless they are named Frank Stallone...)

So we now find ourselves at a crossroads (that should be the name of a song...). On the one hand we have the Giants, with the impossible task of taking on 6 states by themselves, against the Patriots, the team with more pressure on them to win than any in history (outside of the Los Angeles Sparks...)

This one will be decided by who can overcome their adversity. And who better to do that than Eli Manning. Talk about adversity. Here's a guy who grew up in the shadow of a successful, good-looking older brother. (He apparently has another brother named Peyton).

In the end, though, the real winner will be America (oh, and the Patriots). As our economy soars to new heights, and as our cries for a third term for President Bush are met with open arms, we'll sit back on Super Bowl Sunday and honestly be able to say, 'thank god I don't look like Eli Manning'. OUCH.