1. Phillies Ball Girls… And will Anna Benson be one of them now that Kris is there?
2. It will be fun to see which fool tries to get away with juicing. I’m talking to you Neifi Perez.
3. Fuk U! Do Me! Fukudome mania hits Chicago. Additionally I have a reason for screaming “FUK”!
4. Can the Rockies show they are really as good as the September/October ‘07 Rockies?
5. How many text message death threats will Elijah Dukes send? Mark down at least one sent to himself having to play for that team. Yes, they are worse than the Rays.
6. Will Sammy Sosa make an appearance, and if so, will he remember how to speak English?
7. Dodger Dogs.
9. Hot girls drinking beer in the sun, and playing with your Dodger Dog.
10. Johan Santana to the Mets. NL favorites? MLB favorites?
11. Can the Cubs end their 100-year World Series drought? (sobs)
12. Will Julio Franco make it through the season alive?
13. Will Joe Torre be dumb enough to start Juan Pierre over Andre Ethier or Matt Kemp in Left Field?
14. Will Barry be playing, and for what team… And will his head finally get stuck in a batting helmet?
15. How many times will Rick Sutcliffe show up drunk on a broadcast?
16. How many Phillies’ players will Anna Benson sleep with?
17. Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis on the Tigers. Can they overtake the Tribe in the AL Central?
18. Will Mark Prior pitch for the Padres, or will he fall down and hurt his vagina again?
19. What inning of the White Sox opening day game will Ozzie Guillen get tossed?
20. Will there be enough batteries in Philadelphia to throw at Pedro Feliz after every strikeout?
21. Let's see if Jim Edmonds gets charged with sexual assault this year with the Padres. Come to think of it...I don't think a Padre would mind.
22. How many games will Manny Ramirez fall asleep in left field? And in how many of those games will he hit a walk-off homer? The over/under is 6.
23. Will Dusty Baker finally die via toothpick? Watching the Reds play may finally do it...
24. Will Matt Vasgersian go to St. Louis when the Padres play there? Last year as the Padres play-by-play announcer, he said this when he thought the microphone was off… “[I've] had it with this place already... [about the fans] Get back in your El Camino and drive back to the ozarks... [faint] I'm done with this place. I'm so tired of losing here. It's hotter than shit. We get our asses kicked every time we come here. I'm not coming here next year.”
25. Will Jon Miller finally grow a pair and tell Joe Morgan to go fuck himself during a broadcast?
26. More actual sports highlights on SportsCenter.
27. Will the combined ERA of St. Louis' starting rotation be over/under Tony LaRussa's Blood Alcohol Level?
28. Ken Griffey Jr… how many times will he hurt his hamstring rounding third base?
29. Will Andy Pettite misremember what team he plays for?
30. Will Prince Fielder have a glove made out of beef jerky?
31. Watching me yell “THROW FUCKING STRIKES!” at the television during Cubs games.
32. After those massive contracts were given to Andruw Jones(Dodgers) and Torii Hunter(Angels), who has the better year?
33. Can the Orioles and/or Marlins win 60 games?
34. Can the bay area teams(Giants, A’s) win 60 games combined?
35. Will Josh Hamilton snort the chalk on the foul line?
36. No Stephen A. Smith.
37. Alyssa Milano promoting her clothing line.
38. You can get a front row seat to see Hanley Ramirez and Cameron Maybin play at a Marlins home game… always.
39. Aaron Harang’s arm… it’s gonna fall off thanks to Dusty.
40. Get to see Tim Kurkjian’s voice crack everyday on ESPN.
41. A-Rod… is he gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
42. There’s still a team in Pittsburgh. I’m serious.
43. Roger Clemens is finally done.
44. How far will Felix Hernandez and Erik Bedard carry the Mariners?
45. Watching Albert Pujols continue to tell us that he’s really not 46 years old.
46. No more Craig Biggio leaning across the plate to take one on his elbow armor.
47. Livan Hernandez… in frigid Minnesota, will he still carry around golf clubs to swing at senior citizens?
48. The NL West.
49. Seeing White Sox fans attack base coaches, and then being taken away in handcuffs.
50. Drunk heckling for over 6 months!