5/12 Cubs vs. Fathers | Sharapova's Thigh

5/12 Cubs vs. Fathers

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 5/12/2008 06:06:00 PM | , , , ,

Ok I'm gonna be sitting at home all night to watch the game,so I figured I would throw down with a blog. I'm gonna give an inning by inning stream of thought so just try to keep up.
The game hasn't even started but I can't stop laughing. Jody Gerut is leading off for the Padres.
Ok it has begun:
D-Lee is an amazing glovesmith, that may be my favorite part about him.
Zambrano with a quick inning. 10 pitches and 3 groundball outs. Very impresive.

Cubs 0 Padres 0
Bottom 1:
If the Cubs sign Jim Edmonds and he can start hitting again, they'll have a hell of a lineup.
Theriot continues to hit. The haters continue to disbelieve.
This is probably going to be the longest blog of all time. I'm sorry Clapp.
D-Lee is a fucking hitting machine. A double down the right field line scores Theriot for the first run of the game. He can also steal a base like Rickey Henderson.
Kosuke's home and away splits are really surprising.
I love Geo's approach at the plate. He's gonna be the best catcher the Cubs have had in quite a long time.
If DeRosa hadn't broken his bat he would have just hit a salami.

Cubs 1 Padres 0

Clapp: Would it be wrong to have a man crush thigh of the week for Derrek Lee or would that appear a little gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Yossarian: It would be gay, but I think he deserves it.

Top 2:
Really nothing happened at all.
Oh yeah...other then Big Z violating the Padres hitters. 9 pitch inning.
Cubs 1 Pads 0

Bottom 2:
I love the Cubs cameramen. They're perverts just like me.
I washed my hair 2 times in one showering. It's really soft now.
Quick inning not too much going on.
Cubs 1 Faddas 0

Top 3
Well Z's no-hitter is gone. It's ok, even a blind squirrel finds a nut Hairston.
Theriot has been alot better defensively then people give him credit for.
I thought Z was hurt and I almost "Oops I crapped my pants."
Tad Iguchi is an asshole and a dirty White Sox.

Cubs 1 Padres 1

Clapp: Yossarian is dropping the kids off at the pool, and The Riot has 2 singles.
By the way to get things straight this isn't purely a Cubs blog but 4 of us(Me, Yossarian, Baron, and Bz) are Cubs fans. Yes, we hate our lives. P.A. is an Indians fan, Rad McDude is a Braves fan, and Roddick's Knee is a Red Sox fan.
Derrek Lee double play. You can scratch my thigh of the week idea with him, followed by an Aramis Ramirez strikeout, that son of a bitch. The Wolfman seems to have it working tonight, and he's going to need to with the worst offense in the league supporting him against Zambrano.
Aramis Ramirez makes a web gem and gets the force at 2nd after Adrian Gonzalez, the Padres only legitimately good hitter singles. Khalil Greene who is the subject of trade rumors to the Cubs which will not happen k's looking, followed by another strikeout courtesy of Scott Hairston.
Damn there so many drunk hotties in the bleachers right now. As for the game that you probably don't care about, it's still 1-1 going to the bottom of 4.

Yossarian: Bob Brenly is an idiot.
I can't wait until Thursday for the Office season finale.
I can't believe Dan Uggla has 12 HR's. Those Marlins are playing really well...for now.
Randy Wolf just nailed DeRosa in the head with a fastball and DeRosa charged the mound. There's a huge fight on the mound now. Just kidding, DeRosa walked.

Cubs 1 Faddas 1

Clapp: Josh Bard a local Colorado kid from Cherry Creek High School just flew out to the wall where Reed Johnson made another great catch. It was no diving catch against the Nats, but still pretty good.
Wolfman fans.
And Jody Gerut, that guy Yossarian was making fun of earlier just hit one a mile, 2-1 Padres.

Yossarian:Bottom 5... Zambrano *just* missed hitting a bomb. He was probably pissed that shithole Jody Gerut hit that HR off him.
Soriano just made up for Zambrano missing that HR. Fuck yeah Alfonzie. Cubs 3 Pads 2
Theriot has been an OBP machine kinda. He walks, and he's been on base 3 times tonight. Yippie.
D-Lee has continued to be the man. Another single. I smell an onslaught coming on.
Yep I was right. Aram is clutch, with a single to right center Theriot scores. Cubs 4 Padres 2.
Fukudome walks and the bases are juiced for Soto with no outs. This game is about to be over.
Single up the middle, Lee and Aram score and Soto is proving me right. R.O.Y baby.
I'm gonna take a leak and enjoy this game. I'm just gonna update the score at the end of this inning.
NM, another run scores on a DeRosa single.

At the end of 5 it's the Cubs 7 and the Padres 2

Clapp: Well he got the fun inning. This game is likely over with the Padres AAAA offense so we're not going to update every fucking play the rest of the way, unless it gets close. I seriously can't get over how many sexy ladies are out in the bleachers tonight. I would do anything, maybe anyone that is a female under 180 lbs, to be there right now.

Okay, I lied. I think it's safe to say Alfonso Soriano is officially back as he continue to rake, with a double this time. Theriot walks, and is now 2 for 2 with 2 walks tonight. More walks, including Kosuke Fukudome, or "Indoor Arena" as Woody Paige calls him with an RBI walk. 8-2 and the bags are still full.
The Bad News Padres... Kevin Kouzmanoff fielded a groundball off the bat of Mark DeRosa, and tried to just run to 3rd to get the force out, but was beaten to the bag by Aramis Ramirez. He then tried to throw to 1st, airmailed Adrian Gonzalez by half a mile, and 3 runs scored. 3 runs scored on a routine play to 3rd base! Incredible. I'm seriously laughing my ass off right now.

Yossarian: I really didn't think it was possible to score 3 runs on a ball that didn't leave the infield, but the Padres...oh wow. They're the worst team in baseball for a reason. that was the worst series of events I have ever seen in a baseball game, and keep in mind I watch every single Cubs game.

Reed Johnson just singled home another run and Z singles up the middle. It's 12-2 as of right now. Soriano is up with 2 outs and guys on first and third. we'll see what happens.

Flyout to center. Oh well, this game has been over since it started. Cubs 12 Padres 2

Well it'sover. The Padres are just as awful as I thought. Go Cubs Go 12-3.