I'm Losing The Nickname... Need To Clean Up My Image | Sharapova's Thigh

Adam Showed Me The Light.

That's right. No more Master Funkdick.

After seeing what Pacman, whoops, Adam Jones did this past weekend, I'm going the same route to clean up this image the public has of me.

This is a gigantic step in the right direction for me. Makes me glad I had a nickname, otherwise I wouldn't have this luxury that will clean up my act.

They're going to see the real Matt Clapp. The kid with heart, the role model for the children, the guy helping out the community, etc.

No more spitting at women.

No more calling women hoes, hobeezies, sluts, the c word, bitches.

No more making it rain at the strip club with dollar bills that I would have just used to wipe my ass with anyway. Where are those dollar bills going now? Charity. Churches.

No more rolling with the wrong crew. My new friends won't have a single gram of weed or the white lady on them. Not even guns. Yep, that's right. My new friends won't even carry a gun.

No more kissing girls under 17, even if they promise they won't tell on me.

No more Matt "Master Funkdick" Clapp.

Master Funkdick is dead.