So I just had a blog ready, ripping on NBC for having this game tape delayed... but it's not. Thankfully.
I'm a little drunk by the way, a good 6 beers deep and counting. So this could get interesting.
We destroyed Spain in the preliminary round, winning 119-82. Spain will also be without point guard Jose Calderon, who also plays for the Toronto Raptors. They're in the NBA if you've never heard of them. I don't think half the league knows they exist.
So, this is set up for us to kick some Spanish ass. Are you with me? Let's win this bitch!
Tipoff: LeBron drills a 3 to open it up, but Pau Gasol comes right back with an "and one". 3-3. Howard gets fouled, splits the free throws which is good for him it seems these days, and Pau follows with a dunk. 5-4 Spain. Now Jason Kidd makes a layup, 6-5 USA.. and a foul on LeBron, #2. FUCK! 2 free throws for somebody on Spain, 7-6 them.
6:00: Have you ever heard of a boxout Carmelo? Get your head out of your ass. 10-9 Spain. Now Kobe with 2 fouls and this one on a 3-point shot? What's up 2004 USA team? 15-11, 4 points is either tied for the most, or the most points USA's been down the whole tournament.
5:00: Dwyane Wade lays it in... and the foul(marv albert voice)! But Spain comes right now to score, and now Juan Carlos Navarro, comes down and hits a shot right away. These fuckers are playing transition ball with us! Dammit! But CP3 comes down, lays it in and gets to the line, hits the free throw. Ricky Rubio hurt, and that's huge with Calderon out. Their third string point guard is in. 21-17 Spain.
4:00: Chris Paul came to play tonight. Now hits a ridiculously difficult shot off the backboard, and hits the free throw. 22-20.
3:45: Pau Gasol gets about 8,000 offensive rebounds on one play, but doesn't score. USA with their good transition game, gets the ball into Bosh quickly, and he gets himself to the line. First one, yeah that's good bitch. Second, you bet. How about this, the USA making free throws! Tied game!
2:58: Raul Lopez, the third string point guard on Spain picks up his third foul! KILL THEM AMERICA!
2:30: Dwyane Wade with a steal and a reverse dunk! Oh that shit was great. Then Garbajosa, former Raptor like Calderon who's now going to play overseas because he's a douche hits a 3. 28-25 USA.
2:00: A few things happened... including Ricky Rubio's 2nd foul. Marc Gasol is in for Spain and gets a layup. Now some asshole on Spain tried to murder Dwyane Wade. He hits both freebies. 33-27 America.
1:00: Now Marc Gasol with a drop step and takes Chris Bosh to the hole like it's nothing. That can't happen!
End of 1st quarter: D Motherfucking Wade for 3! Then a great steal and goes up for the dunk but loses control of the ball and the first quarter is over. What a game we have ahead it appears. 38-31 USA.
1o:00: Craig Sager interviewing USA women's basketball member Lisa Leslie... she couldn't remember LeBron James' name. Tayshaun Prince I could see, but the King? Somebody hits a 3 for the USA, I think it was Kobe. Kobe then with what they called a flagrant apparently on Pau Gasol. Gasol does his best Ben Wallace impression at the line, misses both. Kobe... SLAM BITCH!
43-31 Red white and blue!
8:00: Pau Gasol misses, but his less talented brother Marc doesn't. Kobe for 3! 46-33. SWEEP THE LEG!
7:00 Spain guard and future member of the Portland Trailblazers Rudy Fernandez hits a 3. That son of a bitch. Oden better give him a nice kick to the nutsack when he heads this way.
6:00: Pau Gasol tries to take Dwight Howard to the basket... not happening. Then Chris Paul with a sick pass from halfcourt on an alley-oop to Kobe! If I'm getting any of the players wrong by the way, please excuse me, this game is like rapid fire and it's hard doing this blog and watch completely at the same time.
5:00: LeBron in the open court... have fun with that Spain! Incredible take, AND ONE! Except he clanks the free throw. I missed a couple plays before that cuz I went to get another Dos Equis(stay thirsty my friends). D Wade with a steal and dunk!
4:00: Wade for 3! 18 points in 8 and a half minutes off the bench. Then Wade drives, dishes, LeBron for 3! World domination! 58-46. Now Rudy Fernandez hits a 3... you can do the math.
2:40: Tayshaun Prince with a great tip-in. Everything is going well at the moment for the USA. Their 3-point shooting in particular has been tremendous thus far, and it had been crappy all tournament. A couple free throws for a Spaniard. 60-51.
2:00: DWYANE WADE HAVE MY BABIES! 3! 7-7! 21 POINTS! Of course, that bitch Rudy Fernandez comes down and drills a 3 himself. Make that 2 kicks to the nutsack Oden. CP3 with a couple freebies, Reyes not sure of the first name but it's not Jose with a layup. Sloppy defense. Defense has been winning our games, creating turnovers and playing transition ball. Not doing it enough tonight. Thankfully we're hitting 3's and free throws.
1:10: 67-58, and Deron Williams with an inexcusable straddling(not Jenna Jameson style) of halfcourt, gets called for backcourt. Somebody with a foul, Bitch(that's his new name) Fernandez with a free throw, and another. Oden...
End of half: Deron Williams misses a 3, but Tayshaun Prince with a nice offensive board. By the way, I like D-Will and better say that right now before Baron hops on here and kills me. Chris Paul gets the ball, draws a foul, first free throw is good, second is too. USA shooting 67% from the field, but only up 8, that shows how their defensive effort hasn't been up to par. On cue a steal by Wade, a 3 at the buzzer... no good. USA with their favorite number 69, Spain 61 at half. Now, time to get another drink or two in at half.
If you've watched the other games we've played in the tournament, you know we played incredible defense, but sucked on free throws and three-point shooting. That's the complete opposite of how things are going in this one. Very physical game though, it's not like these guys aren't trying on defense. I think we're gonna kick their ass in the 2nd half, but we'll see.
Jim Lampley just said this is on pace to be the highest scoring basketball game in olympic history.
10:00: Coach K told Sager, "We have to play better defense without fouling." Completely agree with that. That Reyes fellow hits a shot off a turnover, and another USA turnover.
8:40: Sloppy on both sides.
8:00: Melo misses a 3 but Howard with the offensive board and puts it in. Spain comes down with easy points. Travel on Kobe, Mike Breen(the pbp guy) thought it was an And One. Sigh(chugs drink).
7:30: Gasol with a pretty left-handed jump hook from the baseline and we have a fucking 4 point game! Son of a bitch. Howard's going to the line... I'm not looking forward to it. Sure enough, clank, and I'm expecting another one. Yep misses again, BUT MELO COMES OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A TIP IN AND THE FOUL! Hit the freebie Melo, hit the freebie. Nope. Back to sucking at free-throw shooting. 73-67.
6:40: Juan Carlos Navarro makes a shot, LeBron misses, Spain misses, but Dwight Howard with a facial Peter North style all over Spain. Then Juan Carlos Navarro scores again. I can't keep up with this shit, geez. I don't even know the score. Coach K calls a timeout.
5:30: Carmelo makes a layup off a steal from Bosh(I think), but he's hurt... his hand it looks like. 77-71. 77-73 now.
4:30: The USA looks like the team that's losing right now. You can see it in their faces.
4:00: LeBron with a circus shot, then Marc Gasol with an easy layup. What the fuck? Then LeBron comes right down with the left hand layup and the foul. But misses the free throw! 6 point lead.
3:44: The tenacity on each side is picking up. They're all over the floor. Marc Gasol going to the line. Miss. I predict another! And I'm done predicting for the night, 5 point game.
3:00: Chris Bosh makes 2 free throws! Something else happens, then Wade with an MJ-esque fadeaway jumper. 86-76 USA.
1:50: Juan Carlos Navarro is not getting a Christmas card from me this year. Deron Williams i think they said scored, now he gets a steal, comes down on the break and hits a shot and the foul... or not, CHARGING? ARE YOU JOSHING ME? LOOK AT THE FEET MOVING ASSHOLE! SET MY ASS!
End of 3rd quarter: Juan Carlos Navarro hits a buzzer-beating layup. 91-82. I'm nervous.
10:00: Deron Williams misses a layup on a 3 on 2, then LeBron gets called for his 3rd foul. 91-84. Kobe misses a 3. Fuckkkkk.
8:00: All hell has broken loose. We can't hit a 3 to save our lives now, and Spain comes right down with Bitch Fernandez and hits a 3 to make it a 2 POINT GAME! Unreal. My buddy Koz says, "Why the fuck isn't Tayshaun on Fernandez?" I agree.
7:00: 4 fouls on LeBron, 1 more and he's gone. 93-89. Bitch Fernandez misses a 3. D WILL FOR 3 BITCH! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!! 96-89!
6:30: Dwight Howard big dunk! Then Bitch Fernandez for 3, nope, but offensive board Spain back to Fernandez wide open again, hits it. PLAY DEFENSE ASSHOLES! KOBE FOR 3! THE WORLD IS UP FOR GRABS!
6:00: We scored again, but Rudy Fernandez with the dunk of the tourney, posterizing Howard, and the foul. Hits the free throw. Okay Oden... KILL HIM.
4:30: Up 8 I believe, the Hack-A-Howard is on. As Koz says, "Somebody call Habitat For Humanity, Dwight is about to contribute two more bricks." Clank on the first... and HITS THE 2ND! HOLY SHIT!
4:00: 104-97. Paul misses a 3, shit.
3:30: Somebody on the USA is thrown to the ground, no foul call! Then Marc Gasol and is stupid haircut hit a jumper. KOBE FOR 3 AND THE FOUL HOLY SHIT!!! And Bitch Fernandez with the foul, he's done! Kobe hits the free throw, 108-99. I used to hate Kobe more than anybody around... not anymore. That bitch Navarro again! 108-101.
2:00: Spain for 3... 4 point game. Hold me. D FUCKING WADE FOR 3 THE MAN IS A BEAST! IT'S DWYANE WADE'S WORLD AND WE'RE ALL JUST LUCKY TO BE LIVING IN IT!
1:49: Free throw hit by Spain, then miss, but Paul goes for the rebound and Spain throws it off him to get the ball back. Missed 3 wide open, Jimenez.
1:00: Kobe with a runner! Yes! Now we got the ball back, 113-105 the clock is running, no fouls yet, finally a foul by Navarro on Paul with 47.7.
47.7: Paul hits both, 8-8. Thighs of the Week, your new mission is pleasuring Chris Paul. Marc Gasol puts in a layup. 32.9 left. 115-107.
26:1: WE'RE GETTING THE GOLD! AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is awesome. "U-S-A!" chants in the arena. The players are going nuts, I've got chills.
Final Score: 118-107.