Being a Quarterback....Sucks!!!! | Sharapova's Thigh

Being a Quarterback....Sucks!!!!

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 9/15/2008 10:28:00 PM |

Everybody thinks that being a Quarterback in the NFL is some sort of glamorous lifestyle where everything is good and champagne reigns from the heavens. It's not. This nearly scientific analysis explains why. Every NFL Quarterback has problems.

AFC East
Patriots: Tom Brady - sure he has a killer smile, but Gisele is needy in the bedroom. Why do you think his leg broke so easily.
Jets: Brett Favre - he might be the hero now, but what happens when they miss the playoffs.
Bills: Trent Edwards - His name is Trent.
Dolphins: ???? - Try salsa dancing in the sand, with a Mojito in one hand. Not as easy as it looks.

AFC North
Steelers: Ben Roethlisberger - Jealous the Michael Jackson still is the torch bearer for the one glove look.
Browns: Brady Quinn - Oh, you mean he's not the starter? Whoops.
Bengals: Carson Palmer - When your bragging about shattering prison league stats you know it will be a long season.
Ravens: Joe Flacco - Recent ad in Baltimore newspaper: "Wanted tall, speedy man with soft hands. Will pay you to catch balls."

AFC South
Colts: Peyton Manning - So what if my career has disintegrated since hosting SNL.
Jaguars: David Garrard - I have no material to make fun of him. Shit. His life must be awesome.
Titans: Vince Young - My feelings are hurted, I need mama to lactate for me.
Texans: Their stadium doesn't even have a roof, not worth mentioning.

AFC West
Chargers: Philip Rivers - Physical resemblance to Ryan Leaf is striking.
Broncos: Jay Cutler - It's a known fact that nobody likes diabetics.
Raiders: Al Davis - This guy can fucking chuck the rock.
Chiefs: Is Tyler Thigpen actually going to start for them next week? hahahahahahahahahaha

NFC East
Cowboys: Tony Romo - WTF why does this girlfriend of mine get so much attention?
Eagles: Donovan McNabb - Fuck Pat White is about to pass me for rushing yards by a college quarterback.
Redskins: Patrick Ramsey - Possibly the worst draft pick in NFL history.
Giants: Eli Manning - Hey Peyton Peyton look, I have one too. Just like yours. Will dad let me back in the house now?

NFC North
Packers: Aaron Rodgers - Every sentence spoken about him for the rest of his life will include Brett Favre at some point.
Bears: Kyle Orton - Neck hair.
Vikings: Adrian Peterson - What? Somebody actually hands him the ball?
Lions: Jon Kitna - Gives Christians a bad name.

NFC South
Bucs: Brian Griese - Trips over dogs, a lot.
Saints: Drew Brees - What the fuck is this thing on my face?
Panthers: Jake Delhomme - Listen you fuck, "Del-home" its sibilant you fucking down syndrome piece of shit.
Falcons: Matt Ryan - I honestly do feel sorry for this guy.

NFC West
Seahawks: Matt Hasselbeck - What do you mean Shaun Alexander was this teams bell cow?
49ers: JT O'Sullivan - Where did he even come from?
Cardinals: Matt Leinart oh yeah he's a piece of shit. Kurt Warner - Ugliest wife of a professional athlete ever.
Rams: Marc Bulger - What do you call the greatest show in a retirement home?

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