Brewers Fire Sveum, Hire Pongo The Clown | Sharapova's Thigh

The Milwaukee Brewers, trying anything they can to provide a spark to their slumping team, have fired manager Dale Sveum and hired local Milwaukee birthday performer Pongo the Clown to take over the day to day duties of coaching the squad.

“Our team just hasn’t been loose lately. We needed a change of clubhouse atmosphere, and nobody makes people laugh like Pongo,” remarked Brewers GM Doug Melvin. “Trust me on this. I saw him perform at Ryan Braun’s birthday party at Discovery Zone. The guy is a riot. He even suggested I inquire about Ray Durham a few months ago, and look how that turned out. The guy obviously knows his baseball.”

PRINCE! You’ve been struggling lately. Here, take this balloon animal…it’s a pig, just like you. Now go hit a homer big guy, Poppa Pongo loves you.

Rumors are swirling in Milwaukee on whom Pongo will hire as his bench coach, as he is having difficulty deciding between Joaquin the homosexual circus acrobat (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and Sylvester the Dry Cleaner who handles his clown outfit with such delicate care and was promised a future favor by Pongo. Stay tuned.

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