As a co-worker and I were thoroughly involved in a discussion related to fantasy football, a fellow female co-worker of ours walked up and said the following: “I think I know why guys like fantasy football so much: it’s Dungeons and Dragons for jocks.” Dungeons and Dragons? I think not. World of Warcraft? Try again. Fantasy Football is NOTHING like this. Allow me to explain.
With the 3rd pick of the Forest of Wizards draft, Fausto the Destroyer choose to pwn Wes Welker, the ultimate troll.
Fantasy football requires an intricate knowledge not only of football statistics, but many other possibilities involved: is there a new coach or coordinator? Did they sign or draft some help? Is their schedule favorable? Are injuries a factor? It is an endless maze of discussion, critique, and strategy. You know what WoW or Dungeons and Dragons require? A small penis.
OK, so I am being slightly facetious, as not all people who play these games have a small penis. That’s just a mathematical impossibility, kind of like Marion Barber III going an entire season without scoring a touchdown. However, to be fair…all people who play these games have characters with small penises. And while we are at it, pluralizing penis…penises? Penisii? Penii? The sophistication of the English language knows no bounds.
Back to the subject at hand (or in hand, if we are discussing penii and WoW players, because that is a likely scenario) for a few minutes. Let me tell you something: if my fantasy football season came down to what color stockings I needed to put on Steven Jackson, I’d be a millionaire. You guys ever sit around a room getting drunk discussing whose 3rd round Wizard pick was better than the other? If you have…well salutations friend. You are easily the most imaginative person I have ever encountered.
Do you guys gamble hundreds, or sometimes thousands, of dollars each year on your spell casting abilities? Didn’t think so. If you have, then I suggest Excalibur when you reach Vegas…the clown shows are excellent.
Have you ever stayed up until 12:01 to see if your waiver claim on the lightbone saber of Zumakalis was processed over the guy ahead of you? Yeah right. If you have…I don’t even have anything for this. This deserves its own separate website.
Face it folks…all you detractors of fantasy football are just living in denial. You want to label us as dorks, geeks, and spazzoids…nothing more than stat obsessed nerds living vicariously through a supposedly manly activity such as football. The truth is we are actually being manly in our own activities: gambling, drinking, and spending every Sunday glued to a TV/bar/computer tracking every single yard as if it is life or death. THAT, my friends, is a world of war.
Now if you’ll excuse me, Sinraba the Leper needs his potion before I go to bed.