The most scientific comparison in the history of science | Sharapova's Thigh

So with the Cubs getting trounced...again...we Cubs fans are forced to look towards the offseason and start throwing around the moves that Jim Hendry should make in order to make this team semi-competent in October. Several ideas have been tossed around, but one that strikes out is the necessity to replace Kosuke Fukudome with a hitter that, you know, can hit.

Clapp hates Kosuke. I mean, white hot hate. He hates the Japanese more for Kosuke than he does for Pearl Harbor. And today, he made a very interesting comparison. A comparison that I am going to now lay out here, exclusively, at the Thigh.

So, without further ado...which one was the bigger Japanese bust? Kosuke Fukudome...or the Sega CD?

To the tape:

Cost - The Sega CD retailed at about 400 US dollars when it came out. Kosuke Fukudome costs about 48 million. Even with the devalued dollar, it's obvious that the flailing lefty is the more expensive of the two. Although maybe not by much.

Appearance - The Sega CD was sleek. It could be affixed to your Sega Genesis and was not a huge space eater. Kosuke Fukudome is a small man who runs around the field. He also throws a baseball with reckless abandon, which isn't related to his appearance but pisses me off nonetheless. The Sega CD can't throw a baseball. It also can't swing, spin like a top, and then go sit down in the dugout. So this is pretty much a push. Don't know why I labeled this appearance. That was really stupid.

Versatility - Fukudome could strike out against lefties, righties, underhanders, and pitching machines. He could strike out by taking a pitch or swinging. He could strike out in day games, night games, day-night double headers, and XBox games. All the Sega CD can do is play discs. Advantage, Kosuke.

Usefulness - Kosuke is as useful as a vented condom. He plays a power position without power. He hits without hitting. This stuff might be considered Zen in his homeland, but in the US of A, it's considered unhelpful. Meanwhile, the Sega CD can play several of your favorites: Sonic CD, The Adventures of Willy Beamish, Dragon's Lair, ESPN Baseball Tonight (which didn't feature Fukudome), and Brutal: Paws of Fury. Here's a write up for Brutal: POF, via Wikipedia -

Every four years on the uncharted Brutal Island, the world's toughest martial artists are invited to compete in the most gruelling tournament, aptly referred to as the Brutal Island Tournament. Only the winner of this tournament gains the privilege to challenge the Dalai Llama, the greatest fighter in the world, for the coveted Belt of Heaven championship.

Man oh man. Dalai Llama. I think this is a landslide for the Sega CD

So there you have it. A scientific, in depth analysis of the two great Japanese busts. I'll leave the final verdict to you while I pop in my copy of "Funky Horror Band" and party, 1991 style.

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