Mets Introduce New Bullpen Ace Putz on Thursday, to Introduce Fellow Relievers Schmuck and Douchebag Next Week | Sharapova's Thigh

I think the Mets should try to compile a team of names…not big names, I mean funny names. J.J. Putz. That’s funny. Yeah, it’s pronounced “Pootz” by J.J. Not by me though. Putz. You’re a Putz. Stop Putzing around. I just made a 12 foot downhill Putz. Putznik.

So who else could they possibly pursue? How about a bullpen of JJ Putz, Jimmy Gobble, and Boof Bonser? That’d be awesome. Perhaps they could convince old Detroit Tigers OF Rusty Kuntz to come out of retirement. Who wouldn’t look forward to a Putz-Kuntz era in New York? There’s always bench coach Dick Pole…and if he were to be made manager, who wouldn’t be ecstatic with the possibility of Pole pinch hitting with Kuntz in the 9th? I can hear the announcers now…”And Pole deciding to hit Kuntz in this situation…” It’s perfect. Beyond perfect.

Perhaps making a trade with division rival Florida to acquire Dan Uggla, combined with the signing of former Astros SS Dickie Thon to former MLB 1B Dickie Burns? Those 4-6-3 DPs would be a blast. Uggla-Dickie-Burns. Sure, I need to use Thon’s first name to get it there, and maybe that’s a stretch…but it’s my goddamn idea, and you’re gonna like it. Uggla-Thon-Burns isn’t THAT bad either.

Fin.


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