Random Thoughts While Surfing NFL Games | Sharapova's Thigh

I'm going to be surfing NFL Sunday Ticket all day... figure I might as well just post my random thoughts. Good idea right? HELL YEAH! I might stop this after like an hour, or I'll be like Peter North and go on all day. Who knows, and I really don't care because it's my blog and I can do what I want to.

Am I the only one that thinks it's stupid that Tony Siragusa serves as an analyst while just walking around on the field looking fat? Didn't think so. Anyway, it's hilarious that the game he's doing that for this week is in a blizzard in New England. He looks like he's having fun! I guess I'll start with this game because I'm interested to see how this weather effects the play. Welp, on the kickoff, Steve Breast Ton looked like he was running at the bottom of a swimming pool.

Remember last week when it looked like the Cardinals didn't want to be on the field? Take that, and times it by 100. 3 plays, 3 runs.... not anywhere close to a first down. I'd be willing to bet that the Cardinals haven't run the ball on 3 straight plays in the 1st quarter in a single game all year. The ultimate troll Wes Welker with a huge return to the 33.

I see the Saints are already beating the Lions 7-0 thanks to a 20 yard Robert Meachem TD reception. Man. One play for the Dolphins from scrimmage against the Chiefs, one touchdown courtesy of Ted Ginn on a 31 yard run.

Tyler Thigpen throws a pick... then the Dolphins fumble on the following play, but an awful roughing the passer penalty bails out the Ray Finkle's and the Dolphins are about to score again. The wind is messing with any throw in this game. Pennington just missed badly and that's rare for him. Dan Carpenter field goal....wow, sneaks over the crossbar as the wind holds it up, it was only a 34 yarder.

Ken Dorsey one pass.... one pick-6.

Chargers at Bucs... Philip Rivers zips one on 3rd down quick slant to Vincent Jackson to the 11 yardline. Play action to Brandon Manumaleuna... touchdown. In my Arnold voice, 7-0 Charguhs.

Steelers have 2nd and goal in the huge game for the AFC #1 seed at Tennessee. Willie Parker is destroyed by David Thornton for a loss of 3 or so to the 7 yard line. WOW. Roethlisberger runs for it, he's crushed, fumbles at the 1 yard line, Titans recover. He looks hurt.

Back to the Ice Bowl. Cassel dumps off a little screen to Sammy Morris, he runs for 42 yards to the 14. You really get the feeling that the Cardinals are going to get their asses kicked in the playoffs, especially if/when they have to go on the road to a bad weather location. Anyway, a couple more plays, touchdown LaMont Jordan, his 2nd of the day, 14-0 Patriots.

That Miami/KC game looks like a shootout which is shocking with how bad this wind is. It's 10-7 Dolphins and they're already in KC territory again.

Let's see how the Lions are doing in their quest for "perfection". Easy first down for Colston followed by an offsides. Looks like the Lions are on top of their game: sucking. Brees to Colston for like 50 yards in the end zone, Colston flat out dropped it. Pierre Thomas than runs for a first down, dammit. The dude I'm playing in my money league championship has him. A few plays later, Colston on a slant is inside the 10 yard line. Shit, here comes the Pierre TD. Wait, they brought Deuce in and he takes it to about the 3! Colston drops a TD for the 2nd time on the drive. HAHA TD DEUCE! I love it. 14-0 Saints.

Somehow the Bucs scored a TD, but the Chargers are already in the red zone after LT just took a pass 22 yards to the 14. Wow, Antonio Gates?! Just got a touchdown, 14-7 CHARGUHS, I'M DETECTIVE JOHN KIMBLE, I'M A COP YOU IDIOT!

Rob Bironas attempting a field goal for the Titans, 42 yards out. Drilled, 3-0 Titans.

Hey Ryan Titspatrick, throw the effing ball to Whosyourmama(he's on my fantasy team) ass.

The announcer of the Lions/Saints game just called Calvin Johnson the "Lions' version of Marques Colston." Um, Calvin Johnson's much better than that. Then Calvin makes a ridiculous play on a short pass, almost takes it to the house. He's so damn fast for how big he is. Kevin Smith gets about 5 to the 1. Smith trips over his own guy and loses a couple. He was inches away from scoring. Incomplete pass then. Wow. The Lions are going to go for it now on 4th and goal from the 3. Incomplete pass of course...but it looks like we got PI, yep. 1st and goal again, this time Kevin Smith gets in the end zone. Now a Jason Hanson XP to help my fantasy team!

Charguhs field goal... 17-7 they lead the Bucs in Tampa Bay. The Pats are up 21-0 on the Cardinals, I'm not in the least bit surprised.

Sometimes Beyonce doesn't do it for me, but in that DirecTV commercial, I want to do bad things to her.

Tennessee scored a TD that I missed... but Big Ben from 30 yards out on a pass to Santonio Holmes, who makes one helluva diving catch. 10-7 Titans.

Wow, LJ TD, 20-17 Chiefs lead the Dolphins. Wild game. In the Saints/Lions game, the Saints' 3rd string running back takes a little pass and gets to about the 2, fumbles, Lions get it for a touchback. He was clearly down so that will be overturned. Hogwash. Wow, it's Mike Bell, I didn't realize he was still in the league. Well they give it to him again, touchdown. Yes, keep giving it to other backs than Pierre Thomas!

That asshole Cedric Benson has 20 carries for 111 yards in the 1st half. Meanwhile, Houshmandzadeh still doesn't have a catch. Son of a bitch.

28-0 Pats. Fuck the NFC West. Wow, Nate Kaeding from 57 yards out... good, Charguhs 20-10 at half. Jeff Reed misses a 33 yard field goal and the Titans keep their 10-7 lead at half.

Well... Pierre Thomas just got a touchdown. Crap. 28-7 Saints. So it appears the Lions will be 0-16.

What the hell? The Dolphins just went for it on 4th and 1 from like the 5, and they throw a fade route with this crazy wind. Of course it doesn't work out. Why not just take the field goal and go up 27-21, or do something other than throw a jumpball?

I knew I shouldn't have replaced Stephen Gostkowski with Jason Hanson. If I don't win this fantasy championship because of that, well, I won't be happy. Back to the games, Jeff Garcia just ran one in and the Bucs cut the deficit to 3.

So... Matt Cassel's doing just fine in the snow and so are his Pats. 38-0 now, he just hit Randy Moss for a 76 yard TD. Cassel's thrown for 268 yards and 3 TD. Warner's thrown for 30 yards. Just more proof that all that MVP talk was complete bullshit. The NFC West is an absolute joke.

Hines Ward with a touchdown and the Steelers take the lead over Tennessee, 13-10. They were down 10-0, and if Reed could've hit that chip shot FG, it would be 16-10.

Jeff Garcia just rolled out and ran around for awhile like he does a lot, throws a bomb and Antonio Bryant's standing all by himself, 71 yard TD. With that, Bryant's having another huge fantasy week. Tampa Bay takes the lead 24-20.

On 4th and inches, the Titans ran the fake fullback toss to the halfback, Chris Johnson runs it in. 17-14 Titans.

Incredibly, the Lions just seem to be getting worse. That Bucs-Chargers game is a fun one, Philip Rivers rolls out and avoids a sack, finally finds Antonio Gates in the back of the end zone. Well, Gates didn't look worthy of the Pro Bowl coming into this game, but he does today. 27-24 Charguhs.

The Lions' defensive backs are never anywhere near the Saints' receivers. This is hilarious. Colston TD, 42-7 Saints.

Jeff Garcia throws just his 4th INT of the year, Chargers have the ball at the Bucs' 37. They only get a yard though and have to punt.

Unbelievable. The Titans are lining up for a field goal on 4th and inches from the 5 or so, but before they get the kick off, unsportsmanlike conduct called on the Steelers. Automatic first down for the Titans at the 2. LenDale White puts it in the end zone, 24-14 Titans.

Philip Rivers with a little screen pass to Darren Sproles who takes it to the hizzouse from 32 yards out. 34-24 Chargers. If this holds up, and the Broncos lose to the Bills(which is unlikely), the Chargers and Broncos would be playing each other for the AFC West title next week. Also, Tampa Bay losing could really shake things up in the NFC Wild Card race. I know they have Oakland at home next week though so they should still be able to get to 10 wins and have a good shot at getting in.

The Saints are 9/9 on 3rd down today. The Bengals have thrown 9 passes, and run the ball 43 times, 38 of those with Cedric Benson.

The Saints are throwing the ball on 1st down with 4 minutes left, up 42-7.

Isaac Bruce just got his 1,000th career catch, for a touchdown.

Horseshit. Peyton Manning got me 36 points Thursday night, and I was in good shape to take home the money. Then the Steelers, Houshmandzadeh, and Mmm Bop combined for 2 total points, and I'm projected to lose by 24 now.

Chad Pennington connects with Anthony Fasano for a TD for the 2nd time today, 38-31 Dolphins lead. As I said in the fantasy roundup, the wind chill was supposed to be well below zero for this one. It's absolutely silent there, everybody must be freezing their balls off. Even with KC sucking, this place is normally very loud.

Jason Hanson- 1 XP
Stephen Gostkowski- 4/4 on FG, 5/5 on XP.
(Crying)

Alright, I'm really into the Falcons/Vikings game since I'm a Bears fan so I'm done with this. Peace.

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