Week 17 Fantasy Football Roundup | Sharapova's Thigh

If you don't play Michael Turner who has the Rams this week, you should be shot.

Most of you are likely done with fantasy football this year. Whether it's because your team sucked, or because your league doesn't allow you to go more than 16 weeks. I mean, week 16 is pretty much considered "Championship Week".

But I know there's still some of you out there that have your championship this week, and you're screaming for help. This week is the toughest fantasy football week to figure out lineups, and that's why so many leagues don't go to week 17. Teams that have already clinched might sit players, and even if we find out say a Brandon Jacobs is going to "play", there's no guarantee he's going to get any carries. We saw this with Joseph Addai last week.

Anyway, for those of you that are still playing, Merry Christmas assholes. Here's the links, projections, more useful fantasy football links, and some picks of my own. So feel free to send me any Christmas gifts. I love DVD's(or a blu-ray player, need one, buy me one), Xbox 360 Video Games(you can buy me a PS3 or Wii also), etc. If you're a lady, I expect you to reward me in another fashion.

Be careful with my picks this week. Last week I shit the bed with my picks as you can see at the bottom, so I'm slumping.


Week 17's Best...


QB: Philip Rivers.
9 touchdown passes in the last 3 games. He's on fire, and he'll be playing to get the Chargers into the playoffs, so expect a great game. He threw for 377 yards and 3 touchdowns in week 2, the "Hochuli Game". The Broncos' pass defense is ranked 27th in the league.
RB: Michael Turner. Atlanta will get the #2 seed if they beat St. Louis and Carolina loses at New Orleans. Burner shouldn't have any trouble running on the Rams and their 28th ranked run defense.
WR: Andre Johnson. He's gotta be pissed about only getting 2 catches for 19 yards against the Raiders. This is the week after he caught 11 passed for 207 yards and a touchdown against the terrific Titans defense. He'll look to bounce back with a big week against the Bears.
TE: Tony Gonzalez. Reached double-digits in fantasy points each of the last 5 weeks. That should continue this week against the Bengals.
K: Neil Rackers. The offense will be looking to kick ass and should have Anquan Boldin back. He got 17 fantasy points in his last meeting against Seattle in week 17, his highest fantasy output of the season.
D/ST: Pittsburgh Steelers. The Bengals shutout the Browns defense, so even if the Steelers don't play their starters, I think they'll have a big day.

Sleeper Picks...

QB: Jeff Garcia. An absolute must-win for the Buccaneers to get into the playoffs. The Raiders have a solid pass defense currently ranked 9th in the league, but I think Garcia steps up and has a big game in this one.
RB: Mewelde Moore. I'm putting him here with the assumption they'll rest Willie Parker. It's possible they rest Moore too, but I wouldn't bet on it, and you hope not. That's because the Browns have the 29th ranked run defense and allowed Cedric effing Benson to run for 171 yards on them last week.
WR: Kevin Walter. The Bears have a bad pass defense, ranked 28th in the NFL, and they'll likely be paying plenty of attention to Andre Johnson. I still expect A.J. to have a huge game as displayed by predicting he's the top receiver of week 17, but Walter should be able to get open quite a bit.
TE: Donald Lee. 2 straight dud weeks for Lee, and he'll have the Lions at home which will get you playing better in no time.
K: Robbie Gould. I expect the Bears to be able to move the ball pretty well on the Texans, but they might struggle to get into the end zone. Gould's a good bet to get into double-digit fantasy points.
D/ST: Arizona Cardinals. They've been humiliated the last 2 weeks, and will be looking to step their game up. They should be able to get better results at least thanks to the sorry Seattle offense coming to town. They intercepted Seattle 3 times in week 10.

Shit Picks...


QB: Peyton Manning. There's no guarantee he'll play, and since you'll be busy with the holidays all week and might not have time to change your lineups in the coming days, just giving you a heads up now. Tony Dungy usually rests his players once they've clinched a playoff spot. Even if he plays, it won't be more than 1-2 quarters.
RB: Chris Johnson. It's unknown whether or not Fisher will play his starters, but I can't imagine him playing the rookie back much if at all.
WR: Braylon Edwards. Even if Pittsburgh benches a lot of their players on defense, it's still Ken Dorsey trying to throw to Braylon in what should be crappy conditions in Pittsburgh on Sunday. It's not like Braylon's been helping out his quarterback anyway with all his drops.
TE: David Martin. A touchdown in each of the last 2 games, but don't go crazy and pick him up. He has 1 or no catches in 7 of the Dolphins' 15 games this season. Anthony Fasano's the only Dolphins tight end you should be interested in.
K: Adam Vinatieri. Again, I don't expect the Colts to play their starters much if at all. Vinatieri should still be kicking, but don't look for his offense to get too many scoring chances.
D/ST: Carolina Panthers. Yeah they need to win this game to hold on to the #2 seed instead of sliding to 5th(assuming Atlanta beats St. Louis at home of course), but Drew Brees needs 402 passing yards to break Dan Marino's single-season passing record. I expect him to come close at least, and the Saints put up a ton of points at home.

My Week 16 Picks(scoring based off ESPN standard league settings)...

Best: Drew Brees(22 Points), Steve Slaton(9 Points), Randy Moss(14 Points), Tony Gonzalez(12 Points), Jason Hanson(1 Point), Pittsburgh Steelers(-3 Points).

Sleepers: Chad Pennington(19 Points), Carnell Williams(2 Points), Lee Evans (1 Point), John Carlson(7 Points), Joe Nedney (6 Points), Cleveland Browns(3 Points).

Shit: Tony Romo(14 Points), Chris Johnson(12 Points), Terrell Owens(12 Points), Antonio Gates(16 Points), Nate Kaeding(13 Points), Minnesota Vikings(1 Point).

Plenty of more links to come and I'll update them all week. If you come across any good fantasy football links that you think should be on here, e-mail me at sharapovasthigh@gmail.com. Feel free to ask any questions and I'll answer them.

UPDATE(12/24, 3:38 PM ET): As promised, I had a bunch of links and will continue to do so. Some of the websites are slower with their material this week, understandably with everybody busy during the holiday season. With that being said, I might be slower updating this more myself this week, but I'll do my best.

UPDATE(12/24, 11:35 PM ET): Ken Dorsey's been placed on IR, Bruce Gradkowski will play in his place... that might even be a good thing.

UPDATE(12/26, 7:00 PM ET): Lots of injury additions and updates. Notably, Pierre Thomas is "Questionable" after missing practice for the third straight day. This is a big deal because there's few premier fantasy backs like Thomas that will be playing too much anyway this week even if they're active, and Thomas would've gotten the regular load for the Saints. If he can't go, Deuce McAllister will start and he's probably worth a pickup.

Anquan Boldin's officially "Questionable", but it sounds like he's unlikely to play, and even if he does, it won't be much.

Added a couple links and more to come.

UPDATE(12/27, 7:40 PM ET): Linked the injury report I did on FanIQ, you better fucking read it.

As is usual with Derrick Mason, no practice or limited all week, but he's a go on Sundays and usually kicks ass.

LenDale White is apparently out, and it's not like he was going to see more than a few carries anyway in a meaningless game for the Titans.

UPDATE(12/28, 11:00 AM ET): Marshawn Lynch is reportedly out today, so grab Fred Jackson off waivers immediately if you can. I've had on NFL Network all morning and the wind in Buffalo right now is insane, so there will be a lot of running. The goal posts were even trying to blow away.

I also saw on Rotoworld that Eli Manning will likely play just the first half(which has me going apeshit as a Bears fan that needs the Giants to win), and that Derrick Mason will only play in the Ravens' afternoon game if the Patriots win.

Also, according to Pro Football Talk, John Clayton reported that Bernard Berrian will play for the Vikings.

UPDATE(12/28, 11:50 AM ET): Pierre Thomas is out. That's a very big deal as he's one of the few stud RB's that was going to get a regular amount of playing time. Pick up Deuce, at least he might be able to get some goal line action.

T.J. Houshmandzadeh is out as well and it's possible, maybe even likely that he's played his last game as a Cincinnati Bengal. Something tells me he won't lose sleep over it.

UPDATE(12/28, 12:28 PM ET): It was thought LenDale White would be held out of this one, but he's active, and Chris Johnson isn't. I wouldn't have had either of them in my lineup anyway this week. I bet White touches the ball less 3 times.

It sounds like Marion Barber will play tonight.

Whosyourmama's buddy Ocho Cinco is also out.

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