February 2008 | Sharapova's Thigh

You've probably seen the Guinness commercials for this. This day fucking rules and needs to be a holiday. Of course, this will probably not happen and congress won't give a shit about this petition... but there's always the chance. It took 2 minutes of my time to do this. Do the same.

Sign the petition here:
St Pattys Day Petition

He's damn sick and tired of his women being outrebounded.

Clint Eastwood presents "The Office"

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 2/28/2008 10:16:00 PM | , ,

I found this video on Youtube. The guy that made it did a tremendous job with it. Kudos to you sir.

We keep getting requests to write for the site, and we're trying to keep the official "contributors" of the site to a small number for the time being. I know I know, we're dickheads. Therefore, we're going to have some guest columns here and there. So, without further ado, here is our first "guest rant"...

Will's Nuggets
By: Will Roberts

*Tennessee men's basketball was #1 for all of one game. Jason Biggs lasted longer with Shannon Elizabeth in American Pie.

*LeBron James just scored his 10,000th point for his career. At 23 years and 59 days old he is the youngest player to ever do so. At 23 years and 59 days old I believe I was trying to not get fired from Wal-Mart for showing up 45 minutes late, hung over. That was last Thursday.

*Skip Bayless would point out LeBron would have gotten there a week ago if he wasn't such a terrible free-throw shooter. LeBron has 10,000 more points and a half-billion more fans than Skip.

*Clemens denies being pricked by a needle but proves to be a prick by saying his best friend Andy Pettitte lied under oath.

*In 2007, Barry Bonds had a 1.045 OPS(on-base + slugging percentage) - best in the entire National League - but is getting as much work as that guy at the corner of 92nd and Sheridan(only fellow Coloradoans will get that) who keeps buying beer with the money I give him for food.

*The Denver Nuggets defeated the Sonics by 42 points last night. The Washington Generals are favored by 4 against Seattle in tonight's contest. Get your money in quick, the line opened at 2 and a half.

*Yao Ming is out for the season, a crushing blow for the 813,305 people who voted for him for the All-Star-Game. Luckily you don't live in Beijing and you don't know any of them. Yao will still average more points and boards than Shaq over the next 2 months.

*What's worse? Shaq in Kazaam? Or Shaq in run and gun Phoenix?

*As for the Maria Sharapova banana pic... I wouldn't even know what to do with her. She's six feet tall and the banana has to be three times what I have to offer.

Brett Favre To Retire?

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/28/2008 10:40:00 AM | , ,

According to packers.com...

Obviously you take anything Favre says about retirement with a grain of salt, but it sounds like this might really be it.

Update(1 PM ET):
The link to packers.com isn't working anymore... so I would assume somebody hacked into their site, or somebody for their site made a major blunder. We'll keep you posted.

Update( 3 PM ET):
"Brett Favre's agent Bus Cook and the Packers P.R. director Jeff Blumb have confirmed that Favre has made no decision about possibly retiring this year.
It was an embarrasing technical error from Packers.com, who accidentally posted a live "dummy" page. This is fairly standard practice, and the Packers used a similar page last year to announce Favre's return. Favre continues to take longer than expected this year to make his choice, but no decision is imminent."
Man, talk about a major fuck up by the Packers official website.

Anna is not afraid to show off her thigh... especially to her husband's baseball teammates.

With Spring Training games under way, we thought it would be a good idea to give our prestigious "Thigh Of The Week" award to a well-known beauty in the baseball circuit. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Anna Benson, she's the wife of Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Kris Benson. Kris was actually the #1 overall pick by the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 1996 draft, and has had an average career at best.... but we don't care. We are still incredibly jealous of him. He gets to sleep with this wild and crazy sex machine every night.
In 2004, when Kris was a member of the New York Mets, Anna went on Howard Stern's radio program. Anna said that if she ever caught Kris cheating on her, she would sleep with literally anybody in the Mets organization:
""I told (Kris) -- because that's the biggest thing in athletics, they cheat all the time -- I told him, cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I'm going to screw everybody on your entire team -- coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team."

Stern followed with, " "Mike Piazza just did a back flip, even the coaches? What about, like, the bat boys?"
To which Anna replied, ""If I'm lining them up, I'll circle into other teams. Whatever team he's playing, I will screw all them, too."
Needless to say, every member of the Phillies is trying to get Kris drunk every night so that he'll cheat on Anna. And what really intrigues me, is the idea of her sleeping with all of the "Phillies Ballgirls":

A 9-year-old Australian girl has been banned from playing tennis at her local club over the noise she makes while competing.
The Herald Sun of Melbourne, Australia, reported that Lauryn Edwards was told last weekend that she could no longer play after an opposing player complained about her grunting. Edwards' favorite player is Maria Sharapova. And like her hero, Edwards grunts when she strikes the ball.
Her father, who has turned to the regional and national tennis federations for assistance, said the Mt. Carmel Tennis Club in Sunbury asked him for assurances that she would remain quiet while playing. "They told me to guarantee she won't grunt or she can't play," Duncan Edwards said, according to the report. "How can I guarantee that? She's been doing it since she was really little. She's her own person. "What do they want me to do? Put Band-Aids over her mouth?" he added. "They made her cry on the court when they told her. She was in such a state that I had to bring her home mid-match."
Lauryn Edwards has been playing tennis since she was 4, after it was suggested as a way to help manage her attention deficit disorder. She says the grunting is part of her game. "It feels natural to do my noise. I'm not faking it," she said, according to the Herald-Sun. "It makes me play better. When I don't do it, I don't play my best tennis. And now people have told me I can't play if I do it." Paul Hackett, the vice president of the club, told the newspaper, "No one is not allowing her to play. Sorry, I can't say anymore than that." But Russell Baldry, the president of the Northern Suburbs Junior Tennis Association, in which Edwards plays, said the situation was disappointing. "They just had to ask her to try and be a little quieter, not make a federal case out of it," he said, according to the report. "This is not in the association's interests and not in the girl's interests. The association will have to discuss it because we certainly have not stopped her from playing."

This is one of the most ridiculous things I've heard in a long time. This is a 9-year-old girl we are talking about, not some 23-year-old trying to sound like she's climaxing out there on the court to impress guys around the world. And yes, I'll admit that when her hero Maria grunts, it turns me on... But she's not doing it for no reason or to sound sexy, she's doing it because it takes a lot of effort to swing as hard as you can while running around for 3 straight hours. It's your adrenaline going, being pumped up and in the zone during a tennis match. Look at all the men's basketball players that throw down a dunk, while screaming at the top of their lungs. This is the same thing these girls are doing, but since it sounds quite a bit like their moans during sex, people take it the wrong way. Relax people, and please let this 9-year-old girl back into her tennis club.

Also, thanks to HTC for pointing this article out to us.

Kill Me Now

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/27/2008 04:02:00 PM | ,

Los Angeles Times

NEW YORK — Comedian and actress Rosie O’Donnell wants to return to television in a sitcom about three best friends that would co-star “The Nanny’s” Fran Drescher.

Nine months after her abrupt departure from the daytime talk show “The View,” O’Donnell said on her blog that she had teamed with Drescher on the project, which is still in the early stages.

“Now, Fran and I have a new sitcom, but we can’t talk about it, right?” O’Donnell said at the end of a 13-minute video entry with Drescher, posted on rosie.com on Feb. 22.

“We’re going to do a new, fun, happy, family comedy,” Drescher said.

“She and I!” O’Donnell exclaimed with a grin.

The nascent project is apparently still being developed.

“It’s way too premature” to discuss, said Cindi Berger, a spokeswoman for O’Donnell.

But the comedian wrote on her blog that the sitcom was the brainchild of Drescher and her ex-husband, Peter Marc Jacobson, who served as executive producer of “The Nanny.” She said it would be taped in front of a live studio audience in New York.

Fans of O’Donnell reacted excitedly to the news.

“Ro, Is it true you & Fran are going to do a sitcom or are you just teasing us?” one wrote.

“true,” O’Donnell responded.

“omg… you and fran are going to be the new lucy and ethel! i am about to bust at the thought of it,” another wrote, prompting O’Donnell to write: “honey SIGN ME UP.”

After leaving “The View,” O’Donnell came out with a memoir, “Celebrity Detox,” and did a guest stint on FX’s “Nip/Tuck.” She expressed interest in returning to television full time, talking up her desire to host the game show “The Price Is Right,” a gig that ultimately went to Drew Carey. Last fall, O’Donnell was in preliminary talks with MSNBC to host a nightly talk show on the cable news network, but those discussions fizzled.

I don't know what's worse, this or the celebrity offspring "American Idol" show. Also, isn't it going a little far to call Rosie O'Donnell a comedian?

Bret Boone Likes To Drink... Heavily

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/27/2008 03:22:00 AM | , , , ,

"God Dammit Buhner. Just strike the fuck out already so I can go home and drink my fucking case of 'Honey Brown', jackass."

Boone, 38, revealed that an alcohol problem was the reason he retired. According to Boone, the problem goes as far back to his peak years with the Mariners, but he happily reports that he hasn't had a drink in seven months.

"I was probably one of those players that every single day of every season, I would at least have a few beers," Boone said. "And I went from that to nothing [now]. I did it not only for myself, but for my family, my kids. I got to a point where I could tell the difference in myself and I wanted to get it before it became an issue."

Boone's problems started in a more subtle matter, but it got to a point where he would drink 12 to 15 beers after a game. At age 32, for example, Boone recalls drinking heavily after a game and then going 3-for-4 the next day. But as he got older, Boone's stats declined and he lost the passion for baseball.

"For me, it was an alcohol thing," Boone said. "It wasn't to the point where I was down and out. But it was to a point where I could see it was going there.

"I don't want to make a big deal about it, but I was at a point where sometimes it was more important to me to go to a hotel bar after a game. At the end, it takes away your passion and everything inside that makes you tick. I'm not proud of it. I'm proud I took care of the situation before it got to a point where it could have."

He's now my favorite Boone.

Daily Bayless Stupidity

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 2/26/2008 03:18:00 PM |

We can all count on The Cobra for at least 30 ludicrous comments a week. I happened to catch one this morning while at the gym. "Roger Clemens has been the most pathetic fall from grace ever. Less tragic than OJ since he murdered someone, but more pathetic. 3 months ago he was the biggest icon in sports. Actually let me preface that, he was the biggest icon in white sports."

Skip was doing so well until the last two sentences. Then in classic Cobra form he goes and just blows all logic out of the water. The biggest icon in white sports. Are you fucking kidding me Skip? Since when did icons get divided by race? Nationality maybe, but race? Slow your role crap eater. Oh yeah lest we forget about Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Steve Nash, oh yeah and a guy named Tiger.

A portion of the county hates Clemens because of his Yankees ties. Another portion of the country hates Clemens because because he's Clemens. That's before we even get to the fact that he's washed up at this point in his career and the only reason anybody has watched the last two seasons was because he is chasing milestones.

Oh the best part of Skip's comment was his defense using a quote from the movie Major League, "Forget the curveball Ricky, throw him the heater." Oh you mean Major League the move from 19 fucking 86. 22 years ago Skip??? You idiot.

Yao Done

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 2/26/2008 03:14:00 PM | , ,

Yao Ming has a stress fracture in his foot. He is going to miss the rest of the season and the playoffs. A small part of me was happy when I saw this because the Nuggets now have no excuse to miss the playoffs. The other part of me was really sad. Yao really started to round into form this year and show why he was the #1 overall pick. The real tragedy in all of this is that he could be done forever. Foot injuries are really hard to rehab, especially for big men. The dude is 7'6" 300+. You heard it here first but this is likely the end of the Ming Dynasty. Waxing Poetic unfortunately included.

The MySpace Generation

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 2/26/2008 02:06:00 PM | , , , , ,

The following video is a perfect example of why I hate myspace. It's turning the myspace generation into whiny little bitches.

Now I understand the main reason why this kid is freaking out. It doesn't have so much to do with his myspace as it does having 3 fucking retards messing with him. That would piss me off, but this kid has a problem. His obsession with myspace is worse than my obsession with internet porn...and that's bad. I mean the kid's young and I'm sure when I was his age I would have been pissed off about people messing with me about my NES, my bike, my baseball cards or some silly shit that I was into. Nevertheless this kid is not alone, I'm sure there are many like him. Kids that don't go outside in the summer and play baseball or just go chill outside. No wonder childhood obesity is skyrocketing. These fatass kids just want to sit on their myspace all day, and they'd rather talk to their friends via the internet than actually go hang out with them. I've gotten off topic, but I think I've met my quota of how many people I wanted to offend.

P.S - I'm glad there wasn't a knife nearby or else it could have ended badly for the 3 older kids.

This year's group of freshman in College Basketball is outstanding. Last year was great with Durant, Oden, Conley, but I think this year's is better. A friend and I were debating who would win a game of basketball between this year's freshman and the rest of the NCAA.

Here are the teams, as decided by me:

PG-- Derrick Rose (Memphis)
SG-- Jerryd Bayless (Arizona)
WG-- James Harden (Arizona State)
PF-- Michael Beasley (Kansas State)
C-- Kevin Love (UCLA)
Reserves: Eric Gordon (Indiana), Donte Green (Syracuse), Kyle Singler (Duke), Patrick Patterson (Kentucky)

Now, I know what you are thinking, where is OJ Mayo? and how is EJ Gordon not starting? and maybe even why Singler is there. I don't like how OJ plays and think he could be a detriment to the team. EJ isn't starting because Harden is putting up better numbers and Bayless takes care of the ball more. Singler is on the team because it needs a white guy who can play some D, hit a big 3, and will defer to the big scorers.

The Rest
PG-- DJ Augustin (Texas)
SG-- Chris Lofton (Tennessee)
WG-- Josh Shipp (UCLA)
PF-- Tyler Hansbrough (UNC)
C-- Roy Hibbert (Georgetown)
Reserves: Drew Neitzel (Michigan State), Stephen Curry (Davidson), Ryan Anderson (Cal), DJ White (Indiana)

It is much harder picking the rest than the freshman, especially at guard. Augustin at PG was a no-brainer, but I struggled with SG and WG (homer pick). The reserves were hard too, because guys like Harangody, the Kansas guys, and other awesome players were left out.

So... take your pick? I got the freshman.

I'm Fucking Ben Affleck

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/25/2008 02:29:00 PM | , , ,

As I'm sure all you have seen by now(if you haven't seen it, I posted it on here ), Sarah Silverman made a video called "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" for her boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel. This is Jimmy's response(and one of the greatest videos ever):

Video of the outtakes

And... I'm Fucking Seth Rogen

How many hot college chicks Michael Beasley is slamming, if there are any hot chicks in the state of Kansas. He just got his third 40-10 game of the season tonight, although his Kansas State Wildcats lost. With that double-double, he also set the NCAA record for double-double's for a Freshman. This guy has guard skills, tremendous guard skills actually, in the body of a large bear. He can step back and drill the NBA 3, or he can go down low and post up and get rebounds over anybody in college basketball. He's also going to be the #1 pick in the draft, and I think he'll immediately be a tremendous player. What would be scary is if the Miami Heat were to get him in the draft, play him alongside D-Wade and probably Shawn Marion as well... that team could go from the top pick to a legitimate title contender in no time.

#2 Tennessee @ #1 Memphis

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/23/2008 06:05:00 PM

Talk about a big regular season NCAA game. I don't think these are really the 2 best teams in the country, but they've earned their rankings up to this point. Memphis of course is on undefeated. They are led by phenom freshman point guard Derrick Rose(who will likely be the 2nd pick in this year's draft), swingman Chris Douglas-Roberts, and Joey Dorsey who is an absolute beast down low. Tennessee counters with another outstanding point guard in Chris Lofton, and rising NBA prospect Tyler Smith at small forward. This really should be an awesome game, and I'm pumped to watch it. Plus I already have a few drinks in me, with more likely on the way. I think I might do a "glog" for this game on here, which could be a disaster, but whatever.

(9:05 PM ET)- So I got ESPN on in time for the first commercial break. There's a preview for 10,000 B.C., and they say, "From the producers who brought you Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow..." I didn't mind The Day After Tomorrow, but they are seriously promoting this new film which they hope to be a blockbuster by saying they made that movie? Man.

(9:10)- This is going to be a shootout. And Derrick Rose is fucking awesome.

(9:15)- Memphis already has made about 48 3's 6 minutes into the game.

(9:17)- Easily the best shooting seen this year from teams from Tenneesee in the FedEx forum where the NBA's Memphis Grizzlies play. I think I might rather have 5 players from this game than 5 players from the Grizzlies in my starting lineup.

(9:21)- Dan Shulman: "They continue to go chest to chest here out on the court." If only he were referring to Erin Andrews and another attractive woman in the building.

(9:27)- The Denver Nuggets called. They want their defense back.

(9:34)- Commerical for Taco Bell's new fiesta platter. We're gonna pass India in the "Top Diarrhea" rankings in no time.

(9:37)- Erin Andrews was just talking to Dick Vitale. Just hearing her say "Dick" makes me horny.

(9:45)- Imagine how good Memphis would be if they actually made free throws. I don't feel like looking those stats up right now, but a couple weeks ago I heard how they are the 2nd worst free throw shooting team in all of NCAA, shooting under 60%. Right now they're 3-6.

(9:53)- Bruce Pearl "Necklace" all over Erin Andrews.

(9:55)- I love it when you are about to head over to the liquor store to get a 12 pack of Budweiser longnecks, and then your roommate randomly walks in with that exact thing. Cheers.

(10:07)- So Rad and I decided to change the channel and see how our CSU Rams are doing against Air Force. CSU is (0-11) in conference. WE ARE WINNING BY 12 IN THE 2ND HALF!

(10:11)-Tennessee takes their first lead on a Tyler Smith bucket. I'm trying to figure out who he reminds me of. Maybe Josh Howard or Luol Deng.

(10:13)-Chism banks in a 3 for Tennessee, as I jizzum in my pants at another Erin Andrews sighting.

(10:29)- Lofton finally makes his first field goal to give the Vols a 4 point lead. It's incredible he's only made one shot and they're even in this game.

(10:42)- Dick Vitale is going to have a heart attack. Thankfully this isn't being played in Cameron Indoor.

(11:06)- In a 1 point game with 40 seconds left, Dorsey and Dozier(Memphis teammates) fight over a rebound, resulting in a travel. Now Tyler Smith makes a tough shot in the lane... 1 point lead Vols. Memphis runs a foolish play, probably should have called a timeout as Vitale is screaming about. Memphis has 4 NBA guys on their team, and they have Tony Anderson shoot with 10 seconds left?

(11:10)- Joey Dorsey talks shit, trying to get into the free throw shooter Prince's head. Prince is a 47% free throw shooter, and hits both of them. Derrick Rose comes down the floor, and the Vols wisely foul him up 3 points, making Rose shoot the freebies. Rose makes the first, misses the second intentionally, and the Vols rebound. Vols up 2 points, Lofton to the line, 3 seconds left.

(11:13)- The struggling Lofton fittingly hits both free throws, gives Memphis their first loss of the season, and propels his Tennessee Volunteers to the #1 ranking in all the land.

(11:15)- And Bruce Pearl ends the night by hitting on Erin Andrews again. My fucking Rams just lost in pretty much the same way Memphis did by the way. We'll never win another conference game. Drink up this Saturday night. Peace.

If you didn't believe me about Bruce Pearl hitting on Erin Andrews... somebody already posted it on youtube. Here's Bruce feeling up the lovely Ms. Andrews at halftime:

Google Search Engine

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/22/2008 11:52:00 PM | ,

Right under the Maria banana pic as I'm sure you can see. Yay Or Nay? Any other complaints or suggestions about anything?

Kelvin Sampson reached a buyout with Indiana today, and is out as the head coach after being alleged to have committed 5 major NCAA violations. So basically, he got paid 750K for cheating, nice deal for him.

The most interesting part of this however, is that Dan Dakich was named interim head coach... the players don't want him as head coach. According to some Indiana blogs, 6 players did not show up to practice and there has been talk of boycotting the game against Northwestern. Granted, I am pretty sure that the staff of Sharapova's thigh could beat Northwestern, this is still some interesting news.

Note: I am also just a little bit excited about this news.

In case you've been living under a rock for the last 5 weeks let me drop some knowledge on you: Roger Clemens is a cheater. He's made an ass of himself in front of Congress, he hired an attorney that was more fit to be a circus sideshow, and his face is fat. His legacy is clearly tainted, to what extent only time will tell. I thought he deserved everything he had coming to him.

Today ESPN has been all over this story that there are pictures surfacing of Clemens at a party hosted by Jose Canseco...........HOLY FUCKING SHIT STOP THE GODDAMN PRESSES, STORY OF THE FUCKING CENTURY. BASEBALLERS PARTY. I AM FREAKING SHOCKED.

Let me get this straight: You mean that Major League Baseball players party at their friends houses? Wow that is freaking mind blowing. I feel like I've been living under a rock for years.

Give me a fucking break. Before we even get to how stupid this particular situation is I need to point something out that is generally true. Baseballers party. There are tons of them that not only are not good athletes, but that are awful athletes. I'm sure anybody can relate to my undergrad experience with the baseball team. The baseball team at my school drank more than fraternity boys. These dudes had no conscience when it came to pounding Key Light. Clapp and I went to high school with a cat that is now in the Rangers system. The stories he tells about college ball (walking from the bars to the dugout and sleeping there for the night, among other things) are freaking priceless.

Back to the matter at hand. Since when has friendship with Jose Canseco been indictable? I realize that Jose is a sleazeball, I realize he's a schmuck, but why the F is the national media keeping this guy in the spotlight? This isn't like JC releasing his second book, this is the press making a big deal out of something that is absolutely fucking meaningless.


Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/22/2008 11:49:00 AM

So if you've had ESPN on at all today, and right now for example, you know that the 2008 Bassmaster Classic is going on. And like me, you probably have absolutely no interest in it at all. Well, when it comes to fishing, the only guy I know is Mike Iaconelli. They show him on Sportscenter all the time because he goes apeshit just about every time he catches a fish. There's one video I've actually tried to find for awhile of him going apeshit a few years back, and I was happy to see it's finally on YouTube. Check it out(Warning: Loud)...

College Student Rams Car; Claims To Be Jack Bauer

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/22/2008 11:08:00 AM | , ,

BALTIMORE - A college student was given probation for repeatedly ramming his car into another man's vehicle, claiming the man was a terrorist and he was the character Jack Bauer, a federal agent on the Fox television show "24."

However, the victim, Marlon Cantoral, 30, provided a false address to police and did not appear in any of the court proceedings, prompting prosecutors to enter into a plea deal with the student, Edgar Sullivan, 23, of Elverson, Pa. The student faced up to 10 years in prison for second-degree assault, a charge that was dropped as part of the plea deal.

Cantoral may have been living in the United States illegally, and that may have caused him to provide the fake address, said Wayne Kirwan, spokesman for the Howard County State's Attorney's Office.

According to charging documents, Sullivan was driving his Ford Escape on Interstate 95 last February when he struck Cantoral's van. Cantoral left the highway and was struck a second time before he drove over a grass median strip and fled on foot into the lobby of the Patuxent Institution Correctional Facility.

Sullivan followed Cantoral inside and tried to assault him, shouting "he's a terrorist," according to charging documents.

"My name is Jack Bowers (Bauer) and I work for the FBI and the Secret Service. My wife and family was kidnapped by the president and terrorist," Sullivan continued, The (Baltimore) Examiner reported Friday, citing charging documents.

Officers contacted Sullivan's father who said his son was not married and the family was fine, authorities said.

In court Thursday, Sullivan apologized for the incident, telling Howard County Circuit Judge Richard Bernhardt that he has been attending alcohol treatment and plans to graduate in May.

Sullivan, a student at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County who pleaded guilty in September to drunken driving, smiled but did not speak as he left the courthouse with his parents.

"This is rather embarrassing for him," Sullivan's attorney Charles Broida said after the court appearance.

"It was bizarre, but he doesn't remember it."

UCLA won handily again today over Oregon State, to keep pace as the best team in the Pac10. I will admit it, I love watching UCLA play, my dad is a huge fan and he passed it on to me. My second favorite college team (2005 Illinois is squarely #1) of my lifetime was the 1995 Bruins. I loved watching the O'Bannons, George Zidek, Tyus Edney, "Jumpin' John" Toby Bailey, Cam Dollar... I could go on.

This years UCLA team is also extremely enjoyable to watch. They play D, they execute on offense, and they have the best coach in college basketball. One of my favorite reasons to watch is Kevin Love (pictured above, he demonstrates how angry he gets when people execute bad form on over-the-head passes), more specifically how fundamental he is. I love Tim Duncan's game, and Love is similarly fundamental. He isn't flashy, but puts up 17 and 11 a game, not to mention some of the prettiest outlet passes you've ever seen. John Wooden says he is the best passer since Walton and Unseld, extremely high praise. I fully admit I have a mancrush.

Youtube has a handful of videos that show examples of these passes, but my favorite pass is a full-court alley-oop to the college POTY (but that is for another blog) Michael Beasley at a summer camp:

He just flicks the ball so effortlessly, and in my opinion his well executed passes are extremely sexy... though not as sexy as this site's leading lady.

The Biggest Joke In Sports...

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/20/2008 07:22:00 PM | , , , ,

Is Isiah Thomas coaching for, and being the president of basketball operations for the New York Knicks. When will this stop? I hope never solely for the laughs. The Knicks just lost to a bad Philadelphia 76ers team 124-84. Yep, a 40 point loss to the 76ers. It was 72-36 at halftime!

Don't Worry...It's Coming.

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 2/20/2008 06:25:00 PM |

That's right I said it. The Office, otherwise known as the best show on television, is going to be airing new episodes starting April 9th. So check back every day and see how much longer you have to watch those Dawson's Creek DVD's you bought.

Because it's nerd hour at the thigh. I was perusing IGN and found a couple interesting things...
First, "Gears of War 2" was officially announced today for Xbox 360, and is scheduled to be released in November. If you have a 360, I'm sure you've played "Gears Of War" which is an absolutely spectacular game. I'm sure the sequel will have plenty of new features to make the game an even better experience.
Here is a teaser trailer for the game:

Also, I found another reason to seriously consider buying a Wii: "Mario Kart".
It's on like Donkey Kong BIOTCH!

I can't get enough of "Mario Kart", and the Wii version looks absolutely kickass(Click here for more screenshots). I still play the Gamecube version all the time.

Baby Mario and company enjoying the shrooms.

Plus, chicks actually dig that game. It's the perfect party game, and should definitely be even more so on the Wii. It is scheduled to be released sometime later this year(vague I know, but that's all they're saying right now). With "Mario Kart", "Super Mario Galaxy", and "The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess", I think I'm gonna have to get a Wii one of these days.

I'm A Luigi! I'm A Gonna Win!

Heather Mills, famous for being Sir Paul McCartney's ex-wife (and stealing all of his money) and being a contestant on last seasons "Dancing with the Stars" is in the news again. According to Maxim Radio Sirius 108 Miss Mills was sleeping with a gentleman caller while she was dating Sir Paul McCartney, and he recently said that she loved to have her "stump" rubbed during intercourse and sometimes was able to orgasm from just a good stump rubbing. This is all of the info I have on the situation, but I'll update this when more information becomes available.

Still sucks at basketball, actually he is sitting out this year because of a herniated disc. But I think Screamin' A. Smith still hates him.

I decided that my first blog post should be some incoherent babblings, inspired by Screamin' A. Smith. (Read these in a yell, because I learned from Smith that yelling really loudly is the only way to get your point across)

Still hates Slava Medvedenko.

  • How good are the point guards in the Western Division? CP3, Deron Williams, Steve Nash, Jason Kidd... Kidd may be the 4th best point guard in the West, which is crazy.
  • How ironic is it that Kelvin Sampson's prized 5* recruit, Devin Ebanks, has said that he is worried and confused about what is going on at Indiana... because Sampson hasn't called him.
  • How about how the Big Aristotle was traded to the Suns, not for his offense -- which will be interesting seeing the Diesel in transition, but for his D and rebounding.
  • Is there another coach in college basketball who looks more like the school's mascot than Bo Ryan of Wisconsin? He looks like a badger. Coach K and the Blue Devil and Rick Majerus and an overweight Billiken were runners-up.
Oh, I'm Baron by the way. I do most of the image stuff on the site, like the banner, and the good photoshops.

Floyd "Money" Mayweather vs. The Big Show

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 2/19/2008 08:17:00 PM | , ,

This past Sunday at the WWE's Pay-Per View "No Way Out" Floyd Mayweather and Paul Wight A.K.A "The Big Show" were supposed to have a little confrontation after the World Heavyweight Championship match between Edge and Rey Mysterio Jr.

The match ended with Edge retaining his Championship and out of nowhere The Big Show's music hits. He was making his triumphant return to the WWE after an extended absence. He gets on a mic and says how he is going to be champion no matter what it takes...you know, all that wrestling bullshit they say. He then starts to attack the injured Rey Mysterio who happens to be just laying there. I'm sick of describing this so here's the video of the rest.

So the word around the internet is that things weren't supposed to go down like that. Mayweather was just supposed to slap Big Show in the mouth and they would jaw at each other for awhile. Turns out Mayweather had other plans and decided to throw a 4 punch combo at the Big Show like he's fucking Scorpion from Mortal Kombat and shit. He broke the Big Shows nose for real, and now The Show has 2 black eyes. Apparantly Floyd Mayweather didn't know wrestling is fake.

In case you haven't seen the headlines today Hank Steinbrenner blasted the NFL for their steroid policy. On the surface this statement might be objectively true, but give me a fucking break. Hey you freaking idiot while football was taking care of their steroid problem in the late 80's baseball still had their head completely in the sand about the juice. While football has been suspending dudes for almost 20 years baseball has used their uber-powerful Players Union to shelter their players from any sort of scrutiny while being paid way too much.

It takes a lot to make most football players look truly clever, Hanky has done it. This morning on NFL Live Marcellus Wiley said, "Hank Steinbrenner has proved that Paris Hilton isn't the only spoiled rich kid that you shouldn't listen to." Wow, great.

Memo to Hank Steinbrenner: Throwing barbs at other sports is a great attempt at gutless smoke and mirrors, but maybe you should figure you own shit out first.


Top 10 Storylines for the 2nd Half of the NBA Season

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 2/19/2008 01:36:00 PM

10.) Referees
I’ve used this space to express my frustration over NBA officiating several times already, but shit man I just can’t help myself. These schmucks are out there every night acting like 14 year old girls: making weird noises, doing whatever they can to get attention, thinking that they are more important than anything else imaginable. They are awful. No other set of referees, professional or collegiate, embarrasses themselves quite as much as these fuckers. They handed the NBA Title to Miami two years ago. Dwyane Wade shot 96 free throws in the 6 game series. 96 fucking free throws!!! 16 trips to the charity stripe a game. This included a combined 46 free throw attempts in the final two games of the series, 1 and 3 point wins by the Heat respectively. Oh yeah and let me let you in on a little secret: Tim Donaghy isn’t the only referee shaving points for pay. Hopefully the referees won’t be a headline during the stretch run of the 08’ season, but I’m too jaded by the past to think otherwise.

9.) Can the C’s match the 95-96 Bulls?
NO, the C’s already have 9 losses. The only reason this isn’t #10 on the list is because I wanted to get the referee thing over with. The only reason this is on the list is because I wanted to take a shot a Bostoner’s everywhere: “Ha Ha your team won’t have the best record of all time!! Oh wait you still have the best record in the league jokes on me I guess.” The C’s would have to finish the season 31-1, just a shade better than their 20-2 start. Nice try anyway boys. Bold predictions: The Nuggets hand the C’s loss #1 tonight starting the C’s on their way to a 62-20 record.

8.) This J-Kidd charade has been retarded.
Are you freaking joking me? Devan George blocking the trade, then all of this other ridiculous garbage that went on over the whole process, what a joke. Let’s not forget that this trade is awful for the Mavs. These aren’t the run and gun Mavs of the Nellie days. Avery Johnson has turned the Mavs into a team that really plays pretty slow. J Kidd is in the twilight of his career and he is having the worst shooting season of his career. He’s obviously still good in space, but I’m not so sure in the half court. Also consider the three best teammates Kidd has ever had: K-Mart, Richard Jefferson, Vinsanity. What’s the common thread with these three? They are all high flyers who love to dunk. The Mavs don’t have a player that loves to go up and get the lob. The Mavs also don’t have the 3 point shooting. Dirk has hit half as many threes as he had at this point last year. Howard can hit the three but is clearly more comfortable inside the arch. The story of this trade however could be Antoine Wright and the Mavs ability to keep Jerry Stackhouse. Those two can keep defenses honest. If they shoot well this trade could work out, but on the face it appears to be a huge question mark.

7.) How many games below .500 will the 8th seed in the East be?
Currently the Hawks and the Nets are tied for the 8th spot at 7 games below .500. I think the Hawks are going to make a bit of run after acquiring Mike Bibby, that is a side note. It is highly probable that the 8th seed will 10 games below .500, or more. Yikes. Which brings the next question of how many times will we hear “pundits” like Steven A. Smith advocating a playoff system where the top 16 teams in the league make it? For those of you that are curious, right now if we had that system it would be 10 teams from the West, 6 from the East.

6.) Which trade will pay off most for Western Conference contenders?
J Kidd. Shaq. Pau Gasol. Rumors for more? I’ve given my opinion about the J-Kidd trade. I think the Shaq trade will have a bizarre effect. I think it will cost them some wins in the regular season, but will make them a more serious contender come playoff time. Pau is a great player, and I think his addition turns a Laker squad that overachieved in the first 40 games into a serious contender. We shall see how serious this Kobe injury is and how Pau and Andrew Bynum coexist, but I think at first glance the Lakers have molded themselves into a serious threat for the title.

5.) Which Western Conference teams will get squeezed out of the playoffs?
It is starting to seem like one team is going to get squeezed as it seems that Portland is going to start to realize their youth. But right now Golden State, Houston, and Denver are tied for the 8th spot at 32-20. Utah is up on those teams a game and a half. Dallas and San Antonio is up another half game. The Spurs aren’t going to fall that far off the bus, so I think they are safe. Utah also is playing really solid ball right now, even though I hate them. I’m not convinced that Dallas might be the team that suffers, I just have a feeling that this trade could horribly backfire. The Nuggets have their horrible habit of not showing up. I also think George Karl is terrible. Here is some advice: Run more two man games with Melo and AI, let K Mart prowl the weak side baseline for lobs, have Anthony Carter or JR Smith or Linas Kleiza in the weak side corner for ball reversals. Golden State was the darlings of last year’s playoffs but they have looked truly terrible at times this year. They have also looked great in spells. Houston is the least sexy and in my opinion the team most likely to get squeezed. They are sort of stuck right now. They don’t have the pieces of a typical Adelman team, but they don’t quite play the defense they did under Van Gundy. I feel there is enough uncertainty for the Rockets that they won’t quite make that last run.

4.) Is this the year we finally crown Bron Bron MVP?
Yes. He’s leading the league in scoring, he is carrying his team. He’s playing a very complete game. I don’t even know if there is another great candidate right now. Kobe might make another late run, but I think it is probably LeBron’s to lose.

3.) What effect will Shaq have on the Suns?
I mentioned this briefly already. I think he gives the Suns a legitimate shot to come out of the West. I really don’t think that Suns Spurs series last year was as close as the numbers would dictate. There was never a doubt that the Spurs would emerge. He helps them most on defense. Their offense is dynamic enough that they will adjust, but they are now capable of defending in the half court and winning ugly. Even without Marion the Suns are still pretty long and allowing Shaq to play one on one in the middle will still enable the Suns to get into passing lanes and out on the break. I do think they will lose a few more games in the regular season which probably means the Lakers will win the Pacific Division. I don’t reckon that losing the home court will doom the Suns.

2.) Will the C’s and Pistons Sweep through the Eastern Conference Playoffs?
This will probably be the story line of the playoffs. There will be no series sweeps in the Western playoffs, and my guess would be that most series go 6 or 7 games. Even if the C’s and Pistons beat each other up in the Eastern Finals it is likely that will have played between 4 and 6 few games than their Western Conference counterparts if they sweep straight through. This would be a huge advantage heading into the Finals. I’d like to think that the Cavs and Magic will acquit themselves well, but I’m not so sure.

1.) Who will win the West?
I’m torn between the Lakers, even though I hate them, and the Suns. I think that balance of power has shifted from Texas to the Pacific. I think the Mavs are worse, the Spurs are older, the Hornets are too inexperienced. I also like what the Jazz can do, even though I hate them. They defend but they can still run too. All that I know is that it will be really entertaining.

Creepy "Little Superstar"

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 2/19/2008 12:57:00 PM | , ,

I came across this video on YouTube, and it's scary. This little dude is the creepy to say the least. Let's take a look.

I have a theory on this though. I think this is just a home video of John Travolta as a child. Yes that's right, I said it. Here's some evidence to support my case.

I"m not completely sure, as my research has only just begun, but I think I'm on to something here. I will continue to do research and get to the bottom of this. For the time being though "Little Superstar" is baby John Travolta.

From The Star-Ledger:

One hour after Rod Thorn groused over the way everybody had jumped the gun, he sent word to a team VP last night that the trade "appears to be a go."

The final hurdle was cleared at roughly 9 PM, when Keith Van Horn consented to sign a $4 million contract that makes the trade work financially and report to New Jersey for what is estimated to be 30 days of work.

The Nets will send Kidd and Malik Allen to the Mavericks for Devin Harris, DeSagana Diop, Maurice Ager, Trenton Hassell and Van Horn.

In a separate deal, the Nets will dispatch Antoine Wright to Dallas for a $1.6 million trade exception to create the necessary roster spot for Van Horn.

My Take:
I don't really like the deal for Dallas. Yes, Jason Kidd is still a terrific point guard that makes everybody else around him better. The Mavs are probably a little bit better now, but still are not a top 3 team in the West in my opinion. Devin Harris is a very underrated point guard, and I think the Mavs will regret trading him in a year or two. If the Mavs had gotten a big man like Shaq or Gasol, they would be better off. That's still what they lack.
As for the Nets, this is a terrific trade. Jason Kidd demanded a trade, and getting Devin Harris in return is pretty damn good. I like their young point guard tandem of Harris and Marcus Williams, although Williams name has surfaced in many trade rumors.
Also, as I had posted on a previous blog, it sounds like there is a good chance the Nets trade Vince Carter to the Pacers for Jermaine O'Neal very soon. Well, it has to be very soon because the trade deadline is Thursday.


Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/18/2008 05:46:00 PM | , , , , ,

A few things...

Are you on Facebook? Join our group: Sharapova's Thigh Humpers

Have any material(articles, youtube videos, etc) that you think we should put up on the site? Have a "thigh of the week" nominee? Any other suggestions or complaints? Send us an email: sharapovasthigh@gmail.com

Have a website similar to our content(sports, beer, partying, hot chicks, movies, tv shows, video games, music, etc) and want to be our "friend"? We'd be cool with that. Since we've only been around for not even 3 weeks, we're trying to get our name out there and would like to get linked on other sites.

Also, I added a "video bar" at the end of the right column that has a few Maria Sharapova videos from youtube. I might change up the theme weekly, but decided to start off with the thigh goddess herself.

Spread The Thigh Love.

I have quite the laundry list of guilty pleasures. Thankfully this has benefits. The next time you have the option of watching a MEAC basketball game or watching something "girly" you might choose the latter.
MTV's The Real World is undoubtedly engrained in the minds of any American under 30. The show has been a prominent fixture / guilty pleasure in the TV watching habits for all of us. Well the last couple of seasons have sucked:
- Sydney: suckalicious probably the worst season ever
- Denver: freaking hated those ones, forget the fact that they interfered with my social habits in downtown Denver (as a sidenote, these clowns take over the downtown areas of every city they go to. They are a complete hindrance.)
- Key West: not horrible, but not noteworthy in a good way either.

That brings us to Austin, the last truly entertaining season in my opinion. A major reason for Austin's success was Melinda. This blond haired, blue eyed beauty from Wisconsin would improve any man's quality of life. Currently Melinda could be scoped on MTV's Gauntlet III airing Wednesday's at 10 pm Eastern. (Note I hesitated to include Melinda in this article, because I thought for sure she would be eliminated last week. After surviving for another week, and getting nailed in the skull with a 2x4, I decided that Sharapova's Thigh owed her some dap).

At first glance you know that you want Melinda is worth several more glances. Upon further review, you might not be so sure. Her features are very striking, which is a major turn off for some dudes. Some people might also say that she might appear to be a little horsey, ok I get it. I happen to be a fan of striking features, so she does it for me.
Also for those of you that are true MTV derelicts, or have a really good memory (yeah....I'm in the good memory category....that's it), will recall Melinda's audition tape for Real World. I'm paraphrasing here, but she emphasizes her nympo predilections and that she will break up with her current boyfriend because she can't go that long with infrequent sex. Boooiiiiiinnnnnnnggggg. Who says that sort of stuff???? I'll tell you who, somebody after my own heart. Basically you get all the good parts of porn star with none of the trashy baggage.
Melinda's rating: 3 Sharapova's

2008 NBA All-Star Game

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/17/2008 06:48:00 PM | ,


I watch the dunk contest every year if for no other reason than I was raised on the halcyon days of the dunk contest. For those of you without understanding halcyon see untroubled, heavenly or otherwise perfect. I have been sorely disappointed for a long time running, until tonight.

Dwight Howard put on a show unrivaled in my memory. When his worst dunk was the bounce-left-handed-tap-to-right-handed-jam you know its a good night. He only clanked one dunk which these days is impressive in itself. The SuperMan was off the freaking chain. He didn't even dunk the ball, he threw it in from 18 inches away!!!! He threw it off the BACK of the backboard!!! How in the name of Julius Erving did he not hit his head on the backboard when coming around? The dude is 6'11"!!!

I'm interested to see what other hoopnics have to say about the dunk contest, but I freaking loved it, or as I like to say these days I give it a rating of:

I Craved...A Lot

Posted by Bz | 2/16/2008 01:33:00 PM | , , ,

This was my 4 AM order for three people last night:

Large Sack of Chicken Rings
Large Sack of Onion Rings
Large Sack of Mozzarella Sticks
3 Large Sacks of Fries
6 Fish Sandwiches
15 White Castles with Cheese
3 Large Grape Sodas

We left the Castle with no evidence of food behind. One of us may have eaten a chair...I don't remember. $1.50 Gin & Tonics = death. I fear for what will happen when I sit on the throne in a few minutes.

So I watched Late Night With Conan O'Brien earlier, and this hot, uber-hot chick came on as a guest. Her name is Daniella Sarahyba. She is a 23-year-old Brazilian supermodel, an instant pants-riser, and she's sure to enter my dreams every night for the next 6 months(hopefully longer). I thought Conan was going to lose it up there. I wouldn't have been able to contain myself looking at that luscious, bronzed bod. She reminded me of a young Christie Brinkley.

Daniella Sarahyba is a Brazilian 1983 Christie Brinkley. Clark W. Griswold would salivate over her.

Well, it turns out this babe was on Late Night because she's in the magazine that I essentially mocked in the last few days, The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. I take back anything derogatory I said. Please go to a newsstand and get this now. Well, enough of my yapping. Just stare at these pictures for the next hour:

Click here for the rest of her swimsuit photo gallery

That's right, I'm going to defend one Kobe Bean Bryant. I never thought this moment would come, and I'm struggling to go through with it. However, I must.
You see, Kobe is being screwed over by the league in which he is the best player. Yeah, I said it. The league that he brings millions of viewers to pack the arenas and watch on television. Kobe makes regular season NBA games worth watching for casual fans, and that's quite a feat. He makes young kids around the world want to play basketball, more so than anybody since Michael Jordan.
If you haven't heard, Kobe has a torn ligament on the pinkie finger of his shooting hand. Maybe you're saying to yourself, "It's a pinkie finger. Deal with it." If you're saying that, you obviously haven't played much competitive basketball. As either Ric Bucher or Marc Stein put it today(sorry I don't remember which ESPN basketball analyst it was), 99.9% of NBA players do not play through this injury. It can alter your shot, and certainly makes just holding the basketball painful. Kobe's doctor recommended that he get surgery, and even the Lakers owner Jerry Buss suggested the surgery to make sure this injury does not get worse. Getting surgery would likely keep Kobe out 6-8 weeks. However, Kobe is as tough as they come in sports. He has an incredible desire to win, and realizes that the Lakers need him if he can play through it. The Lakers are currently 2 games out of the #1 seed in the Western Conference, but the #8 seed is only 5 games out. Without Kobe for up to two months, it's quite possible that the Lakers would fall out of the playoff race. So he's going to try and play through this injury, and although I hate the guy, I respect the hell out of that.
So, if Kobe is going to try and play through this injury, it would be quite wise to sit out of an exhibition game. I'm of course referring to this weekend's All-Star Game. Although this is the game for fans, it is still an exhibition game. Kobe has done enough for the fans, and he could really put on an even bigger show for the fans if he can lead the Lakers to another NBA title. That's what really matters, not an exhibition game. The fans will be pleased enough with the players in that game anyway.
Yet if Kobe does not play in this game, he will be suspended for one game by the NBA. The NBA has a policy that essentially says if you are healthy enough to play in the last game before the All-Star Game, then you are healthy enough to play in the All-Star Game. If you do not play in the All-Star Game, you will be suspended for the next game following the All-Star Game. Listen, I understand their thinking with the rule, and there's certainly been examples in the past of guys that were plenty healthy enough to play in their sport's All-Star Game and chose not to. I just feel like this should be an exception to the rule, or maybe they should allow a player to appeal the ruling. What if Kobe were to hurt his finger even more in the All-Star Game, and need surgery that would prevent him to miss the rest of the season?
Kobe wants to sit this game out, but also does not want to be suspended for a game. 1 game can be a big deal in the Western Conference. If the Lakers lost 1 game, they could drop all the way from the 3rd seed to the 6th seed. It sounds like he will start the game for the West, since he's pretty much being forced to, and then will sit out the rest of the game. I hope his 2 minutes on the floor are worth it David Stern, and you better hope he doesn't get hurt.

1. Phillies Ball Girls… And will Anna Benson be one of them now that Kris is there?
2. It will be fun to see which fool tries to get away with juicing. I’m talking to you Neifi Perez.
3. Fuk U! Do Me! Fukudome mania hits Chicago. Additionally I have a reason for screaming “FUK”!
4. Can the Rockies show they are really as good as the September/October ‘07 Rockies?
5. How many text message death threats will Elijah Dukes send? Mark down at least one sent to himself having to play for that team. Yes, they are worse than the Rays.
6. Will Sammy Sosa make an appearance, and if so, will he remember how to speak English?
7. Dodger Dogs.
8. Beer.
9. Hot girls drinking beer in the sun, and playing with your Dodger Dog.
10. Johan Santana to the Mets. NL favorites? MLB favorites?
11. Can the Cubs end their 100-year World Series drought? (sobs)
12. Will Julio Franco make it through the season alive?
13. Will Joe Torre be dumb enough to start Juan Pierre over Andre Ethier or Matt Kemp in Left Field?
14. Will Barry be playing, and for what team… And will his head finally get stuck in a batting helmet?
15. How many times will Rick Sutcliffe show up drunk on a broadcast?
16. How many Phillies’ players will Anna Benson sleep with?
17. Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis on the Tigers. Can they overtake the Tribe in the AL Central?
18. Will Mark Prior pitch for the Padres, or will he fall down and hurt his vagina again?
19. What inning of the White Sox opening day game will Ozzie Guillen get tossed?
20. Will there be enough batteries in Philadelphia to throw at Pedro Feliz after every strikeout?
21. Let's see if Jim Edmonds gets charged with sexual assault this year with the Padres. Come to think of it...I don't think a Padre would mind.
22. How many games will Manny Ramirez fall asleep in left field? And in how many of those games will he hit a walk-off homer? The over/under is 6.
23. Will Dusty Baker finally die via toothpick? Watching the Reds play may finally do it...
24. Will Matt Vasgersian go to St. Louis when the Padres play there? Last year as the Padres play-by-play announcer, he said this when he thought the microphone was off… “[I've] had it with this place already... [about the fans] Get back in your El Camino and drive back to the ozarks... [faint] I'm done with this place. I'm so tired of losing here. It's hotter than shit. We get our asses kicked every time we come here. I'm not coming here next year.”
25. Will Jon Miller finally grow a pair and tell Joe Morgan to go fuck himself during a broadcast?
26. More actual sports highlights on SportsCenter.
27. Will the combined ERA of St. Louis' starting rotation be over/under Tony LaRussa's Blood Alcohol Level?
28. Ken Griffey Jr… how many times will he hurt his hamstring rounding third base?
29. Will Andy Pettite misremember what team he plays for?
30. Will Prince Fielder have a glove made out of beef jerky?
31. Watching me yell “THROW FUCKING STRIKES!” at the television during Cubs games.
32. After those massive contracts were given to Andruw Jones(Dodgers) and Torii Hunter(Angels), who has the better year?
33. Can the Orioles and/or Marlins win 60 games?
34. Can the bay area teams(Giants, A’s) win 60 games combined?
35. Will Josh Hamilton snort the chalk on the foul line?
36. No Stephen A. Smith.
37. Alyssa Milano promoting her clothing line.
38. You can get a front row seat to see Hanley Ramirez and Cameron Maybin play at a Marlins home game… always.
39. Aaron Harang’s arm… it’s gonna fall off thanks to Dusty.
40. Get to see Tim Kurkjian’s voice crack everyday on ESPN.
41. A-Rod… is he gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
42. There’s still a team in Pittsburgh. I’m serious.
43. Roger Clemens is finally done.
44. How far will Felix Hernandez and Erik Bedard carry the Mariners?
45. Watching Albert Pujols continue to tell us that he’s really not 46 years old.
46. No more Craig Biggio leaning across the plate to take one on his elbow armor.
47. Livan Hernandez… in frigid Minnesota, will he still carry around golf clubs to swing at senior citizens?
48. The NL West.
49. Seeing White Sox fans attack base coaches, and then being taken away in handcuffs.
50. Drunk heckling for over 6 months!

The person I love most in this world

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 2/14/2008 06:57:00 PM | ,

I have a lot of love to give. Mostly it's for the ladies. Looking at them makes this easier to understand / impossible to second guess:
But just for Valentine's Day I thought I'd let the world know about my biggest lover, and by lover I do of course mean person whom I would love to see die.

With pitchers and catchers on the brink of reporting there was only one person I could think of. Among the many great things that are part and parcel of the beginning of baseball season, there is one inherent evil that might doom baseball permanently to oblivion: the mouth of Joe Buck. I should probably start out with some conservative sentiment and then build to a climax at the end of the post. So here I go: I hate Joe Buck with every bone in my body and I want him to be burned alive in the fires of hell. But I don’t want him to die immediately. I hope that he stays conscious for awhile so that he can smell the stank of his rotting corpse.
Wow, maybe that wasn’t so low key…..I can’t help it though. Joe Buck sucks that bad. I mean let’s list the words that rhyme with his first and last name respectively:
- Ho
- Blow
- Elbow
- Stow
- I like to eat crow
- Dipshit

Wait a tick. Anyway now onto Buck:
- Fuck
- Suck
- I fucking suck
- Duck
- Kruk
- Muck

Everything that flows from his mouth is like a steaming pile of magma, except instead of magma it’s vomit, vomit that is filled with shit, shit that is filled with stupidity. I can’t imagine how he possibly could speak during the ALCS because he mouth was so firmly sucking on the collective gentiles of Red Sox nation. Shit they probably got sick of it. I mean I like a good Blow J just like any other Y-Chromosomer, but good God one that goes on for 2 weeks straight. That’s excessive. Then there was the World Series. I won’t even get started there.

Those of you that are NFC fans had to sit through an entire football season of his mindless blathering. How have you not killed yourselves yet? The only think I can fathom is that you listen to games in mute.
I would like to start a bounty. Anybody that can facilitate the burning alive of Joe Buck in the fires of hell will receive $1. I’m sure that as the season goes on I will up the ante, but I’m going to start low on the off chance that some of you despise him as much as I. Think of all the great things you can buy with $1.
- Wendy’s Chicken Nuggets
- …..

Ok maybe Wendy’s Chicken Nuggets are the only good thing a dollar can buy these days, but how about the inherent satisfaction of knowing that you have made the entire world of sports fans 1164x happier? Can you put a price on that?

Think about it.

Just like we learned a few days ago with New York Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez, it was revealed today in The New York Times that Chicago Cubs 3rd baseman Aramis Ramirez also has been involved with cockfighting in the Dominican Republic. Greg Cough of the Chicago Sun-Times already decided to write a column, "Aramis Ramirez as wrong as Michael Vick":

"In cockfighting, the animals are ugly. Roosters do not raise the same sympathy level as warm and fuzzy puppies being raised to tear each other’s heads off.

Or, as we learned from Michael Vick, dogs being placed on rape-stands for mating, or body-slammed to death for failing during training.

And no matter what images this evokes, and what Dominican cultural norms Ramirez lives within, this is not any more acceptable than what Vick was doing with dogfighting.

Not morally, anyway. Not in showing respect for life.

When you raise animals for the purpose of watching them suffer and die for your entertainment, that is not acceptable. I’m not saying Ramirez needs to go to jail; it doesn't appear he's broken any laws. I wouldn’t even suspend him at this point. But the Cubs need to demand that he stop it. If it turns out that this is a widespread issue, then commissioner Bud Selig might have to step in.

We’ve already seen recently video of Pedro Martinez, and former pitcher Juan Marichal, involved in the ``sport.’’ ``Dominicans say cockfighting is in their blood.’’

That’s the headline on the Times’ story, which includes this passage: ``They can have their eyes pecked out by a more vigorous adversary. They can be impaled through the brain with one of the plastic spikes that are affixed to the foot of every fighting bird. Or, if a lung is punctured, the end may come in slow, raspy gasps.’’

We can’t accept this.

It’s a little trickier than with Vick, though, isn’t it? We’re talking about another country. And frankly, it bugs me when Americans try to impose our culture on others, as if they’re barbarians.

But cross-cultural policing has been in the news lately. You might have noticed that in England, athletes planning to compete in this summer’s Olympics in Beijing were forced by their own country to sign a contract vowing not to be critical publicly of China’s human rights record. The U.S. said it will not follow suit.

Steven Spielberg withdrew from his role as an artistic adviser to the Games, citing human rights reasons.

And a few years ago, I saw an Afghan woman run sprints at the Olympics in long pants, happily freed from the Taliban, but still wanting to honor her country. Maybe members of the U.S. press were looking for her to tear into her country, but after her race, she said she was just disappointed she couldn’t find her flag to parade around the track.

It isn’t easy trying to be a judge of other cultures. But in the case of cockfighting, I’m coming back to Michael Vick.

But from what we know now, the actions of Ramirez and Vick seem to be hauntingly similar. If Vick had taken his dogfighting ring to another country, he still would have deserved harsh criticism.

And Ramirez, who represents Chicago and the national pastime in his Cubs uniform, does now."

Now listen... I don't agree with animal cruelty at all. I don't hunt, and I feel bad killing a motherfucking fly. However, saying that this is on the same level as Vick's acts is absolutely ludicrous. Couch even says, "I’m not saying Ramirez needs to go to jail; it doesn't appear he's broken any laws. I wouldn’t even suspend him at this point." So if we are saying this is on the same level as Vick's acts, this means Vick should not be in jail? Vick should not be suspended? That's utter bullshit.
Additionally, we are completely unaware of the details and extent of Aramis and Pedro's involvement in cockfighting to make such a comparison. And last but not least.... It's LEGAL in the DR! Whether we agree with it or not, there's nothing to say these guys cannot be involved in such acts in their home country. If the rest of us grew up within their culture, we might not see anything wrong with that. It's just the way it is.

Great stuff up at "The Brickyard"

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/13/2008 05:53:00 PM | , , ,

Check it out. It's a parody blog, much like quite a bit of our material. It's a Cubs blog for the most part, but they make fun of a lot of topics in the sports and entertainment world as well. Shit, pretty much all of the Cubs material they have up just mocks the Cubs anyway, so if you aren't a Cubs fan you can still get some laughs. And if you are a Cubs fan, make sure to tune into their outstanding online radio show "Bricks And Ivy Radio".
Tonight they have an article up that's hilarious about Chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee Henry Waxman(who we saw today in this Clemens hearing that nobody cares about), and his Hollywood look-alike. It's brilliant.
Bz, Yossarian, and I are good friends of the site. I think if you like our site, you'll like their site.

I already have the link up on the "Sites We Like" list, but here it is...
The Brickyard

Sorry Ladies, Gary Coleman Is Taken

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/13/2008 05:12:00 PM | , ,

This is seriously the greatest picture ever.

From People
Former child star Gary Coleman – who's now 40 – married Shannon Price, whom he'd met on a movie set, last Aug. 28, her 22nd birthday, Coleman reveals to Inside Edition.

The onetime Diff'rent Strokes star also admits that this is his first-time-ever romantic relationship.

"I never got the opportunity to be romantic or feel romantic with anyone," he says. "I wasn't saving myself, she just happened to be the one."

The couple's nuptials happened, "on a mountaintop," according to Coleman. "Nobody was around but the minister, preacher, the videographers, the photographer, the helicopter pilot and us. That was all that was there. There was nobody else.”

Not that the newlyweds don't have their differences. "We may go a week and not speak to each other," he says, while she claims, "He lets his anger conquer him sometimes. … He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction."

She adds, "I don't like the violence."

Then there is the fact that he stands 4'8", while she is more than 5'7". But, says the bride: "He was 10 feet tall to me, because he was sweet and I really liked his personality."

As for the 18 years between them, "I don't have issues with age, I have issues with intelligence," says Coleman. "She's more intelligent than I am, and that's what matters to me."

Price handles the sale of Coleman's memorabilia on e-Bay, and says that when she met him on the set of the movie Church Ball she wasn't aware of his fame.

"I didn't grow up with Diff'rent Strokes," she says. "I actually didn't like watching TV when I was younger."

WFAN Radio in New York reports Jason Kidd has been traded to the Dallas Mavericks, where he started his career...
Devin Harris, Jerry Stackhouse, DeSagana Diop, Devean George, and Maurice Ager are the players expected to be heading to New Jersey. Malik Allen is apparently going to the Mavericks along with Kidd.
ESPN has this to report as well...
Sources say Dallas will also add the league-maximum $3 million in cash and send its first-round draft pick this June as well as a first-rounder in 2010.
The Nets are expected to buy out Stackhouse's contract immediately, which could enable him to re-sign with Dallas if he waits 30 days, and ESPN The Magazine's Chris Broussard reports that the Nets and the Mavs are likewise poised to complete a separate trade that will send swingman Antoine Wright to Dallas for a future
second-round pick.

Chris Broussard also had this to report:
I also like Vince Carter, but with J-Kidd gone, his days are probably numbered too. The Nets are willing to send Vince to Indiana for Jermaine O'Neal if O'Neal receives a clean bill of health within the next week. If he does, I've been told by league sources that there's a 70 percent chance of this trade going down.

With the New Jersey Nets poised to complete a blockbuster deal to send Jason Kidd back to Dallas on Wednesday night, Mavericks reserve forward Devean George has unexpectedly exercised his right to block the trade, according to NBA front-office sources. Sources close to the situation told ESPN.com that the teams verbally agreed to the deal earlier Wednesday and were preparing to submit the trade for league approval when George informed the Mavericks that he wouldn't consent to being included in the deal, which is his right based on a rare provision in his one-year contract.

I just got a 6 pack of Stone IPA...

Posted by Matt Clapp | 2/12/2008 08:55:00 PM | , , , , ,

And I'm heading to the bar for bingo, plenty of the charleston, shopping cart, lawnmower, etc. Tuesday night is always my big drunk night of the week, so if I end up posting anything really stupid on here in about 5 hours, deal with it. I love you.
-The Thigh Master

Cookin With Coolio

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 2/12/2008 02:44:00 PM | , , ,

Famed rapper Coolio has a new cooking show on My Damn Channel. I have no idea what My Damn Channel is or where you can find it (sorry) but this clip is from YouTube.

After watching this clip not only do I think that Coolio is still the most gangsta ninja on earth, but he can also make a salad that can make the panties drop. Coolio has also trumped the best cook on T.V Emril Lagasse in terms of catchphrases. Emrils go to line is his famous "BAM". He has a few others, but to be honest they suck. "The Ghetto Gourmet" keeps it gangster with his two catchphrases "Shakazooloo Motherfucker!" and when he's completed a dish "Now get your ass to the table!" I know I for one have been waiting years for a rap legend to get a cooking show, and now it's here. Not only does Coolio have a male assistant, but he has two women who look like they came straight out of the strip club as helpers. I know I'm going to keep a close eye on this show. Maybe next week he'll make that "Peach Pimp Cobbler" that I haven't been able to find the recipe for.

If you haven't seen the hilarious "fight" between Conan O'Brien, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert, here it is(it's over 8 minutes, but well worth your time):

The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Wikipedia page explains what started the fight:
Recently, Stephen Colbert made the claim that because of "the Colbert bump", he was responsible for Mike Huckabee’s success in the 2008 presidential race. Conan O’Brien claimed that he was responsible for Colbert's success because he had made mention of him on his show. In response, Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show, claimed that he was responsible for the success of O‘Brien, and in turn the success of Huckabee. This resulted in a three-part comedic battle between the three pundits, with all three appearing on each other's shows. The feud ended on Late Night with an all-out brawl between the three talk-show hosts.

Additionally, "Late Night Underground", which is a blog run by a person(s?) associated with Late Night With Conan O'Brien, just released a video featuring the outtakes of this fake fight. It's terrific. Sorry I couldn't figure out how to get it on the site, so go to that link. It's 5 minutes, and again, it's well worth your time. Also, that website is awesome for fans of Conan. I'll add a link on the "Sites We Like" list.