April 2008 | Sharapova's Thigh


Thank you Brandon for reminding me of this classic.

This sounds like a fun show!

Posted by Matt Clapp | 4/30/2008 11:52:00 AM | , , , , ,

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The half-hour format, unashamedly entitled Hurl!, will begin with an intense eating contest during which competitors will consume massive portions of All-American favourites, including chicken pot pies, New England chowder, fish sticks, hot dogs and blueberry pies.

Those able to consume, and keep down, the most will move onto the next stage in which they will be subjected to the likes of carnival rides, belly flops and a mechanical bull.

The survivors will be sent back to the food table, where they will be greeted by a surprise new menu item and try to prevent themselves from throwing up in what G4 insists will be a "comedic and gag-inspiring display."

If more than one contestant is able to keep their food down, the show will go to a tie-breaker involving another physical challenge.

Each episode will feature two new cuisines and a new nausea-inducing activity.

Eat as much as you can until you throw up. Where do I sign up to be on this?! Kobayashi apparently influenced more people than I realized. Seriously, they're really running out of show ideas. Something tells me this show would not get the best ratings during dinner time. It's also guaranteed Steve-O makes an appearance on here, if he isn't in jail or a mental institution. Rock The Cradle was even a better show idea than this.

San Francisco Giants GM Brian Sabean thought he made a franchise-changing move when he signed starting pitcher Barry Zito to a 7-year deal worth a whopping 126 million dollars before the 2007 season. Well, it certainly made a huge difference on the current state and the future of the franchise, but in an absolutely disastrous way.

Today, the Giants moved the struggling left-hander to the bullpen, and more or less admitted making probably the biggest gaffe in the history of baseball signings. Zito currently has a record of 0-6, with an ERA of 7.53. He allowed 41 hits in just 28 2/3 innings, and most of those hits weren't Texas leaguers. He's been absolutely shelled thus far.

It's not just the statistics that show how far the 29-year-old has fallen, as any scout in baseball will tell you he just doesn't have much anymore. The 12-6 curveball is still good, but he has nothing else to set it up with. I've seen a couple of his starts this year, and I don't think there was a fastball over 84 MPH. Everything is 80-84 MPH. In his dominant days with the Oakland A's, his fastball would be between 87-91 MPH. That's a huge difference, especially because he had about a 20-25 MPH difference from his fastball and curveball, making the fastball look probably 95 MPH to hitters.

While nobody could have predicted that the 3-time All-Star would lose quite this much velocity, there's evidence over the last few years that he almost surely would not be worth the massive contract that Sabean gave him.

In 2001, Zito really broke onto the scene with a 17-8 record, 3.49 ERA, and 205 strikeouts in 214.1 innings. He would never get near those strikeout numbers again, even when he won the Cy Young the following season, 2005. He sported an incredible record that year of 23-5, with an ERA of 2.75, and 182 strikeouts in 229.1 innings. Then in 2003, Zito went 14-12, with a 3.30 ERA, and 146 strikeouts in 231.2 innings. Now, although the ERA got better after 2001, the strikeout drop is eye-opening. And yes, I know pitching isn't all about strikeouts. Ask Greg Maddux and he'll tell you that he'd rather just get a groundball on the first pitch, rather than waste at least 3 to strike a hitter out. However, it tends to be a pretty good indicator of a pitcher's dominance. You could argue that he was just trying to get quick outs rather than strikeout guys as I mentioned with Maddux, but Zito's walks/innings pitched rates did not lower much in 2002, and went up considerably in the following years.

Furthermore, the amount of innings Zito pitched in Oakland should have warned the Giants of a decline in Zito's performance. From 2001-2006, the lowest amount of innings Zito pitched in a season was 213. Compare that to Red Sox star Josh Beckett, who's career-high in innings pitched is just 204.7. At some point, you had to figure Zito's arm would wear down, and he's fortunate to avoid a serious arm injury up to this point. In fact, he has the longest streak of not missing a start due to injury for active pitchers at 247.

However, with all that being said, I just don't understand the decision to move Zito to the bullpen, even if it's just for a week or two. What good is that going to do? If you sign a guy to a contract like that, you should at least give him longer than a season and a month to give up on him. The Giants are going to tell you it's just to "work on his mechanics", "gain some confidence" and all that junk, but it's pure bullshit. He's still going to be called on to pitch, and he's not going to all of a sudden "find it" out of the 'pen. He's pissed off by the move as well, so I don't see how this move will help his confidence at all:
"I'm certainly not happy with it, by any means," Zito said. "But this is the bed that I've made. I have to lay in it for the time being and I have to overcome. I trust management and I trust what their decisions are."
This Giants team is terrible, and they should only be concerned about the future. There's not a team out there that will be dumb enough to take a chance on Zito and his contract, so the Giants are stuck with him. I think if you are going to take him out of the starting rotation, just put him on the shelf for awhile. As I said, this season doesn't matter for the Giants, but the next 5 years on Zito's contract certainly could. His velocity isn't going to magically come back with all of these innings pitched, that's for sure.

The Giants are fools for signing Zito to that contract, but they might be even bigger fools for this decision.

Every year I get really pumped for the NFL Draft for some foolish reason. It's probably because I hope my Bears will finally draft a good player or two, maybe ya know, get a good quarterback for once. Of course that never happens.

Besides my reasons of interest as a die-hard Bears fan though, I have a huge interest as an NFL fan. As annoyed as I get by the ridiculous amount of draft coverage every year, I still get into it at the same time. I guess I have to as a sports fan, because that's all ESPN will let us see from February until now as I warned you about the day after the Super Bowl. So, I know all this useless information about these draft prospects that I shouldn't care much about, but I do because Mel Kiper and Todd McShay have engraved every little tidbit about every fucking prospect projected to go from rounds 1-4 into my head. Therefore, when the Draft comes along, it's my chance to actually apply this pathetic knowledge that I have about these NFL hopefuls, and it sort of feels like a reward(as sad as that sounds).

But... ESPN ruined it for me. The same assholes that wouldn't stop talking about these prospects before the draft, seemingly forgot about the prospects on the only days they should even matter. I started watching the "Day 2" draft coverage this morning at 8 AM, and watched for hours, only to see highlights and quality breakdowns of maybe 10 guys that were drafted today.

If you were unaware, Day 2 of the draft now contains rounds 3-7, so it's a big deal. It's not just the Day 1 picks that matter. Look at all the Pro Bowlers over the last few years, and the major contributors to championship clubs. There's almost as many 3rd rounders making a difference as 1st rounders.

They had a horrible roundtable discussion going on from the ESPN studios, taking Around The Horn host Tony Reali out of his natural habitat, and sitting him next to a handful of sports journalists from around the country to discuss YESTERDAY'S draft selections. One of the journalists was some hick chick with a boys cut. She looked like Anne Heche if she stole Serena Williams' testosterone.

This is all while I just want to see my team make some selections that could make or break the franchise. Many playoff teams are built on Day 2 of the draft, where teams find those gems. It's sort of a big deal, but I guess not as big as talking about the the Day 1 events such as Jaguars reaching for Derrick Harvey for about 6 straight hours. What a crock of shit.

As most of you probably know, the draft is also televised on NFL Network these days. I'm just so used to watching ESPN, that I chose it as the main source for my Draft viewing. However, I caught some of the NFL Network yesterday, and I have to say it's so much better for the serious football fan.

Their main draft analyst Mike Mayock, who also had the most accurate mock draft I've seen, did a fabulous job of breaking down film on just about every prospect selected. They also had other very credible analysts, such as former superstar Marshall Faulk and former coach Steve Mariucci. Rich Eisen is the best host around, and puts the bumbling moron Chris Berman to shame. The NFL Network crew really had a great chemistry. Plus, Deion Sanders interviewing the prospects is nice for a laugh.

But maybe what I enjoyed more than anything else over the ESPN broadcast, was that we actually got to see most the picks announced. That's how it should always be. ESPN used to let us do that. We'd get to see the commissioner or one of his fellow NFL guys go up the podium and say, "With the 35th pick in the 2nd round, the _ select_". It adds a dramatic element to the draft that the simple graphic on the screen doesn't. When they say the position or school before the name is even announced, you'll hear the Jets fans cheer or bitch. It's awesome.

When we got around pick 90 or so, ESPN was so far behind it was just embarrassing. I know when the Bears made a couple selections, I read articles online describing the picks before ESPN even gave them a mention. Around pick 100, they started talking about some prospect that was taken in the 80's, then just gave a quick list for about 10 seconds of the other 10+ guys selected. Thanks for the breakdown guys.

It's just incredible to me that with all this extra technology, and all this extra information we gain each year on these prospects, that the ESPN draft coverage only gets worse each year. It should only be getting better. I just know I'm not going to be witnessing it next year, because I'll be watching on the NFL Network next year and I recommend you football fans do too.

I Hate To Be A Dick, But...

Posted by Matt Clapp | 4/27/2008 02:32:00 PM | ,


I'm all about encouraging the youngsters to be active, stop playing video games all day, play some sports, etc. However, I really want to beat the living shit out of the cartoon referee in the "NFL Rush" commercial. That voice is seriously driving me apeshit. I don't know, slide the commercial in during the Saturday morning cartoon commercial slots, but not during the NFL Draft. I can barely stand this ESPN coverage on the 2nd day of the draft, and that commercial every ten minutes is just making it worse. By the way, are there really 8-year-olds watching to see where Colt Brennan is going to slide to?

Who fucking cares? It really cracks me up when people are shocked about this type of stuff. I'd guess at least 60% of the NBA players smoke weed, and probably do quite a bit more that would really open your eyes if you think taking a bong rip here and there is bad. Look at all of the thugs in the league. Stephen Jackson probably blows lines off of strippers' tits on your average off-season night, while Monta Ellis gives her a pearl necklace, and Baron Davis videotapes. However, when the season comes along, they're all business. Now, if Howard's doing this before the games for example, or gets himself in a situation where he could be arrested, then this is an absolutely different story. I do however think that the timing of this "news" certainly is terrible, just like Carmelo's DUI was. Howard is in the middle of a playoff series, which he happens to be losing 2-0, and the last thing a team needs is a distraction like this. He should have waited a few weeks to tell us about this.
Anyway... It sounds like this is just an off-season recreational choice for himself.
"Most of the players in the league use marijuana," he said, "and I have and do partake in smoking weed in the off-season sometimes. That's my personal choice and my personal opinion, but I don't think that's stopping me from doing my job."
Bingo.
My favorite part of all this is that the quote is from Howard's interview on The Michael Irvin Show. Michael Irvin! In the clip they played on ESPN from the interview, Irvin was pretty much lecturing Howard about the bad situation he's put himself in, how this will hurt his image, etc. The same guy that was arrested for cocaine possession years ago, and most recently marijuana possession in 2005.

Oh, and I can't wait to hear what Bill Walton has to say about all this..."WHAT could be better? It seems like just yesterday Josh Howard and I were sitting in my teepee here in the ever so beautiful San Diego summer, listening to the soothing sounds of the Grateful Dead, discussing the art of the jumpball as well as the classical human being that is Boris Diaw, and getting some extra relaxation courtesy of an old green friend of mine. This is what it's all about."

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The Curse is Over!!!!

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 4/25/2008 10:10:00 AM | , , ,


EA Sports released the cover for Madden 09 this morning and it is none other than former Packers great Brett Favre. This ends weeks of speculation about whose career would be ruined by EA's desire to sell a few video games. ESPN actually had a good article the other day about the curse.

This does of course ensure that the Packers will be awful this year prompting Brett to come out of retirement. He'll take over the reigns of the team, but it just won't be the same.

Abbey Clancy
As I looked through the images of Abigail Clancy on Google, I found so many that made my pee pee go up faster than Chase Utley's batting average.
We traditionally go with just one picture or two for the "Thigh Of The Week", but I felt it was necessary to show five of the lovely Clancy. A simple glance at that bod is not enough. You need to stare.
Clancy is pretty much the British version of Lindsay Lohan. Hot, young, famous, former crappy musician, slutty, goes ayo for yayo... sounds like my kind of girl. It sounds like she's single too, or at worst just sleeping around.
If this were the 60's, there's no doubt she would have slept with every member of "The Beatles", as she also is from Liverpool. This also led to her dating Liverpool soccer star, and member of the England national team, Peter Crouch. However, they broke up after Peter learned of her booger sugar ways, and about her fucking her ex-boyfriend.
Clancy's one of the most popular models in England, and gained much popularity from her 2nd place finish on the television show Britain's Next Top Model. Yeah, I don't know how she lost either. She does a bunch of lingerie ads, makes appearances on television shows there... you get the point.
Just in the last few days, she finished #55 on FHM's "Sexiest Women of 2008" list. By the way, Megan Fox won that crown too. We were first!

I'm back.

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 4/24/2008 01:12:00 PM | , ,

I just went to get some socks from my sock drawer and there was a millipede in there as big as "Jaws".

I used half a can of Raid on it and now my socks stink like Raid. That'll teach that fucking asshole.

TBS, which has broadcast "Seinfeld" for years, has started putting episodes online. It's the first time they've ever been available online, legally, but don't try watching them on a Mac. Like all of its video (except for the pre-roll promos), Time Warner-owned (TWX) TBS is requiring you run Microsoft Windows (MSFT) to watch Jerry and the gang.

TBS's logic in putting "Seinfeld" online seems sound. The show has probably wrung the towel on TV viewers at this point, and could potentially reach new viewers online at healthy ad rates. TBS will rotate episodes, starting with "The Truth," "The Muffin Tops," "The Yada Yada," and "The Millennium."

Turner says the reason they're not Mac-friendly is they use Microsoft's DRM software to protect their valuable assets.

Unfortunately, that also invites Mac (AAPL) users to get their Seinfeld fix from illegal sources, such as BitTorrent. Which really doesn't help TBS much, or Sony Pictures Television (SNE), which owns the show, does it?

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For those of you Seinfeld fanatics that don't own most or all of the DVD's, this is good news. For those of you with a Mac, this isn't good news of course.
By the way, if you haven't discovered Hulu yet and enjoy pretty much any running show from Fox, NBC, Mojo, and more, you need to. Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, The Office, 30 Rock, Family Guy... you name it, it's on there. You can always link there from our site by the way with a simple click in our "Sites We Like" section in the right margin. It seriously kicks ass, and the streaming videos are in kickass quality.

Don't High-Five Benny The Bull

Posted by Matt Clapp | 4/23/2008 03:16:00 PM | , , ,

Maybe this is why Andrew Bogut just high-fives himself:

A Naperville dentist called a flagrant foul on Chicago Bulls' mascot Benny the Bull on Monday, suing the team over a high-five gone awry.

Dr. Don Kalant Sr. alleged he was sitting near courtside on Feb. 12 when he raised his arm to get a high-five from Barry Anderson, who portrays the exuberant mascot in a bright red fuzzy costume.

But Kalant, an oral surgeon, may now wish he had settled for a fist-bump instead.

Instead of merely slapping Kalant's palm, Anderson grabbed his arm as he fell forward, hyperextending Kalant's arm and rupturing his biceps muscle, according to the lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court.

"Benny's flying down the aisle, giving everybody high-fives," Kalant's attorney, Shawn Kasserman, said Monday in a telephone interview. "When he gets to Dr. Kalant, he either inadvertently trips or, as part of the shtick, trips. . . . He grabbed Kalant's arm and fell forward."
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NFL Draft on the horizon

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 4/23/2008 10:49:00 AM |

We know that Jake Long will be playing in north Cuba next season, so what about the other dudes? Let me start by saying that I really don't like the talent at the top of this draft. Dorsey and McFadden probably have the biggest upside, but both have serious questions (health and character respectively). Long isn't as good as Joe Thomas. No QB in this draft is as good as JaMarcus, or Brady Quinn for that matter. No WR is even close to Calvin Johnson. I'm not even sure if Chris Long is as good as Gaines Adams. Even McFadden at his best isn't as good as Purple Jesus. I mean we have Brandon Albert and Johnathan Stewart who weren't in the first round as recently as a month ago potentilly rising into the top 10.

I think this dearth of talent manifests itself in the fact that Mel and McShay can't agree on anything right now. It seems like every other year there is a lot more consensus about the top 10 picks. That being said, I think this is a good year to be drafting in the 15-35 range. There a lot of nice pieces available in that range which should be good value picks. I have a feeling there will be a lot of trades come Saturday.

The NFL Draft is one of the funniest days of the year to me. We all sit around watching the TV for 8-10 hours during which we have maybe 10-15 minutes of genuine interest. It's a strange phenomena. I mean my favorite team doesn't even pick until Round 4 and here I am gobbling up data as though my life depended on it.

Dolphins Will Select Jake Long With #1 Pick

Posted by Matt Clapp | 4/22/2008 01:08:00 PM | , ,

It's official. The offensive tackle from Michigan is going to be the first name announced come Saturday. Jake Long agreed to terms with the Miami Dolphins on a 5-year deal worth $57.5 million, $30 millon of which is guaranteed.
In my opinion, the Dolphins definitely made the right choice. Offensive linemen have shown to be the safest picks, and he looks like a terrific one. It all starts for the offense on the offensive line.
I like Boston College QB Matt Ryan, but the Dolphins just used a 2nd round pick on John Beck at the position last year. I'm not saying Beck will be as good as Ryan, but if RB Ronnie Brown is healthy, Ted Ginn continues to develop at WR, then there's a few pieces there on offense. I think with some help around him on offense, Beck can be a solid quarterback that they can win games with down the road. They are still expected to take a QB in the 2nd or 3rd round, and there should be a few good choices available.
The only other guy I thought would be an acceptable choice is Virginia DE Chris Long. I think he's another safe option that's going to be a very good, but maybe never great player in this league for years. In the end though, I think the Dolphins had to upgrade their offense which they did with Jake Long.
Do you agree that this was the right choice, and if not, who would you select?

Things that make you go ummmm......

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 4/21/2008 02:06:00 PM | , , , , ,

You may have noticed a lot of different things during game 1 of the Lakers / Nuggets series: good passing from the Lakers, bad defense from the Nuggets, Melo and AI wondering if Camby, KMart and Anthony Carter got the memo that there was a game, Phil Jackson's utter domination of George Karl, and maybe other things too.

I noticed something else. Every time Melo went to the free throw line the Staples Center crowd started chanting "DUI! DUI!" My first thought: That's low. My second thought was a little more profound: How are you going to rip on a guy for getting a DUI when you cheer for a rapist every night? I'm only in law school, so I'm not sure, but isn't a DUI a misdemeanor while rape is a felony? I don't know. Somebody will pipe up and say that Kobe was exonerated. Yes he was, falsely exonerated. Let's see, his accuser mysteriously drops all charges one day and Kobe is free to go. Shocker. Probably no money changed hands in that development.

Nothing is going to come of Melo's DUI, does that mean it didn't happen? Shit no. I'm not trying to absolve Melo of any wrongdoing. I'm just pointing out the hypocrisy of fans. I'm also going to throw this out there: How many of you have driven drunk? How many of you have committed rape? As another matter, how many of the fans at that game drove home over the legal limit?

MLB All 90's Team

Posted by Bz | 4/20/2008 09:38:00 PM

This is the certifiably be all end all compilation of the all 90's baseball team. Not only is it the truth, but this list was also handed down to me on clay tablets from Babe Ruth himself. Here it goes:

Catcher: Pudge
Honorable Mention: Piazza

1st Base: Frank Thomas
Honorable Mention: Bagwell

2nd Base: Robbie Alomar
Honorable Mention: Biggio

SS: Barry Larkin
Honorable Mention: Cal Ripken

3rd: Chipper Jones
Honorable Mention: Wade Boggs

OF: Griffey
OF: Bonds
OF: Belle
Honorable Mentions:
Sheffield, Juan Gon, Gwynn

SP: Maddux
SP: Clemens
SP: Glavine
SP: Johnson
SP: Mussina

So it's offical. A plaque of this list is being hung in Cooperstown as we speak.

So I spent all day watching basketball. 4 games of goodness. If you think this is uncool stop reading the blog. Here are my initial thoughts.


LeBron versus the Practitioners of Magic

- Jay-Z is not overrated. The rest of that team is awful. Awful.

- I'm not sure if LeBron's health can hold up for the whole series. The dude is a competitor extraordinaire, but clearly he's banged up. If the Wiz keep fouling him hard that adds a whole different element.

- The Wiz aren't going to shoot that poorly again in the fourth quarter. None of that should be attributed to Cavs defense. The Wiz just missed a bunch of good looks. It's possible that the Wiz shouldn't be making those shots because they're not good at basketball, but if they are good the shots are there.

- What happened to Agent 0 in the 4th Quarter?



The Cowboy Equipment versus the Yellow Dwarf Stars

- How stupid must Phoenix feel? They freaking dominated that game only to piss it away at the end.

- The silver lining for Phoenix is that Shaq spent so much of that game on the bench. I like the gameplan of letting Timmy D get his but not letting the other players contribute. I think that could be successful in the long run. Once Phoenix got in foul trouble a lot of their defensive discipline went out the window and they started scrambling a lot more.

- I hate Manu. Fuck that bitch, but dammit the dude shows up at important times.

- Timmy D making 3's? Everybody that watched saw the face D'Antoni made.

- I'm sure that a bunch of the stupid pundits will ask why they didn't foul. I think they were going to, but the Spurs surprised them by sending Tim for the initial screen. I think the plan was to foul right after the initial screen. When Shaq had to come out he obviously couldn't foul since he had 5 fouls. Good coaching by Popazit.



Free Range Horses versus Vicious Flying Insect I'm Allergic to

- Mavs came out hot, not a shock. Is this second half the same game? I did catching myself wondering how NO got this far. Now the answer seems obvious.

- CP3 is freaking sick. The dude plays the game so under control. Obviously he was a bit rattled to start the game, but he's making Kidd look like the old man that he is.

- What happened to Dirk in the 2nd half?

- How was this game so low scoring? It seemed to be a lot more up and down.

- Damn. Mavs might be in some trouble.

NASA Projects versus Crappy Music that Nobody in the State of Utah listens to

- Obviously ESPN thinks as highly of this series as I do: they sent Doris Burke to commentate. I'm not a misogynist by any means, but women don't belong in the booth for men's sports. As soon as the female commentator opens her mouth the game becomes unwatchable.

- Speaking of unwatchable this game sucked. S-U-C-K-E-D. I'll admit I was flipping back and forth between this game and the Avs series clinching game 6, but shit these teams play ugly.

- This series is over with Utah winning one in Houston, but maybe these teams can do us a favor and play well the next couple games.

- There is an ungodly number of stupid first names in this series which contributes to its unwatchableness. Mehmet, Rafer (I know he's out), Dikembe, Carlos, Luis, Luther, Tracy, Loren, Jarron

Andrew Bogut Free Throw High-Fives

Posted by Matt Clapp | 4/19/2008 08:22:00 PM | , ,

Poorly Acquitted's words, not mine.I like Bill Simmons... "Reader Falcon recommended this one for us. You might need to watch it a couple of times to truly appreciate the hilarity. And yes Bill Simmons had this on his blog the other day. First time in his life he made a good decision."

Clapp's NBA Playoff Predictions

Posted by Matt Clapp | 4/18/2008 05:08:00 PM

Poorly Acquitted already gave us his take on the NBA playoffs which begin tomorrow, now I'm going to go through the entire playoffs with my predictions.

Western Conference 1st Round


Los Angeles Lakers(1) Vs. Denver Nuggets(8):
This series should be a fun one, putting 3 of the NBA's best scorers on the floor in Kobe Bryant, Allen Iverson, and Carmelo Anthony. The Nuggets can score with anybody, but I think their atrocious defense will ultimately come back to kill them. I think they can take at least 1 at home, but I think this Lakers team will be too much for them. The Lakers have a very good all-around team, led of course by the most talented player in the league in Kobe Bryant, but the addition of Pau Gasol has greatly improved their half-court game. They'll try to slow down the fast paced attack of the Nuggets, and if need be, Kobe Bryant can take over in a shootout.
The Pick: Lakers In 6

New Orleans Hornets(2) Vs. Dallas Mavericks(7)
The Hornets shocked the basketball world with their incredible season. They came into the season as a team that most thought could contend for the playoffs, but at best would be a #7 or #8 seed. However, MVP candidate Chris Paul(he'd get my vote)
The Pick:
Hornets In 7

San Antonio Spurs(3) Vs. Phoenix Suns(6)
A lot of people are picking the Suns, but I'm not sold on them. They got Shaq for a series like this, so that they could actually play half-court basketball rather than only being able to play a fastbreak style. I just think people are overlooking the Spurs as usual, and I'm not going to be one of the fools betting against the defending champions in the 1st round.
The Pick: Spurs In 6

Utah Jazz(4) Vs. Houston Rockets(5)
I'm not sure if the Jazz can win a game on the road in the playoffs. They went an incredible 37-4 at home this year, as compared to a crappy 17-24 on the road. I've never seen anything like that. I just think they're much better than this Rockets team, and somehow will squeak out a win in Houston. The Rockets were a great story with their incredible winning streak, but no Yao=no advancing to the 2nd round.
The Pick: Jazz In 6

Eastern Conference 1st Round

Boston Celtics(1) Vs. Atlanta Hawks(8)
This series is already over.
The Pick: Celtics In 4

Detroit Pistons(2) Vs. Philadelphia 76ers(7)
The Pistons don't care about the regular season, and they still went 59-23. They'll step it up a notch as always in the playoffs, and I think they like being the underdog in the East this year. I thought Philly would be the worst team into the league coming into the season, but wow did they put up a great season. I know the numbers aren't as eye-catching as a lot of guys, but Andre Iguodala deserves some MVP consideration, and veteran rock-solid point guard Andre Miller's done in charge of their offense. With all that being said, the Pistons are just too good for them.
The Pick: Pistons In 5

Orlando Magic(3) Vs. Toronto Raptors(7)
22-year-old beast Dwight Howard averaged 20.7 points and 14.2 rebounds this season for the Magic. He also benefited from the addition of Rashard Lewis, and a terrific season from veteran Hedo Turkoglu. The Raptors are a deep, but inconsistent team.
The Pick: Magic In 6

Cleveland Cavaliers(4) Vs. Washington Wizards(5)
This really should be an awesome series that could go either way. In a toss up, I'm going to take the team with the biggest star. Mainly, I just don't want to hear what Skip Bayless will say if LeBron can't win a 1st round series.
The Pick: Cavs In 7

Western Conference Semifinals

Los Angeles Lakers(1) Vs. Utah Jazz(4)
As I showed earlier, the Jazz are almost unbeatable at home, and I think they can win all 3 home games against a superior Lakers team. However, they're to lose all 4 games on the road.
The Pick: Lakers In 7


New Orleans Hornets(2) Vs. San Antonio(3)
The Hornets have not been here, and the Spurs are every year. Experience is huge in the playoffs.
The Pick: Spurs In 6

Eastern Conference Semifinals

Boston Celtics(1) Vs. Cleveland Cavaliers(4)
The NBA will be thrilled for this series, as it will be a ratings jackpot. The Celtics dominated the East all year with their three superstars: Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen. The Cavs of course have LeBron James... but not much else. I wouldn't be shocked to see LeBron make this a great series, but it would be quite a feat.
The Pick: Celtics In 5

Detroit Pistons(2) Vs. Orlando Magic(3)
I'd really like to see this series. I don't think the Magic are getting enough respect, but I think the same goes for the Pistons this year. Again, I'll take the vets.
The Pick: Pistons In 6

Western Conference Finals

Los Angeles Lakers(1) Vs. San Antonio Spurs(3)
The Lakers match up against the Spurs better than probably anybody else in the NBA, especially if center Andruw Bynum is healthy. Having his 7-foot body alonside 7-foot All-Star Pau Gasol could contain Tim Duncan, and they could possibly outperform in the Spurs down low. Couple that with having the best scorer around in Kobe Bryant, and that sounds like a pretty good formula for success. I'm just not completely convinced, especially in regards to whether or not Andrew Bynum can be a factor. The Spurs are going back to the finals.
The Pick: Spurs In 6

Eastern Conference Finals

Boston Celtics(1) Vs. Detroit Pistons(2)
This is the series everybody wants to see. The Pistons have been a perennial powerhouse in the East for years, and take on the new powerhouse in the conference. Can Boston's big 3 carry the Celtics against the physical defense of the Detroit Pistons? They definitely could, but it's going to be difficult. Every game in this series should be close. Most people are picking the Celtics, and understanably so. I'm going with the experienced team, which I think is the safest pick. I also think they've been waiting for this series all year to prove they're still the best in the East, at least when it really matters. Sorry Roddick's Knee, hopefully I'm wrong. But...
The Pick: Pistons In 6

NBA Finals

Detroit Pistons(2) Vs. San Antonio Spurs(3)
So, here we are. After all the hoopla, all the talk about the Lakers, Celtics, Hornets, and Suns, we're right back to the "boring" teams that go deep into the playoffs every year. This would be a nightmare for the NBA, but as a fan of fundamentals and defense, I'd be thrilled to watch this series. Every game goes down to the last 3 minutes, and in game 7, Robert Horry will be scoreless all game, until he hits a 3 to win it in the last few seconds.
The Pick: Spurs In 7

MVP: Tim Duncan

Ah yes, here we are back with the "Thigh Of The Week". Our lady this week was actually suggested by one of our readers Giff. So, thanks Giff for this terrific thigh and if anybody else has some sexy ladies that you think we should honor, shoot us an e-mail to let us know. There's a good chance we'll do so and give you a shout out for the suggestion. Anyway, we bring you Mila Kunis...
Mila Kunis

The timing for this "Thigh Of The Week" is perfect, since Mila Kunis is starring in the comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall which will hit the movie theaters tomorrow, April 18th. Mila plays a Hawaiian resort employee, and the previews show her not wearing much clothing. So... I might have to check that movie out, because she's got an absolutely incredible body that I would do just about anything to get my hands on. In the movie, Mila's the chick that helps the main dude in the movie forget about Sarah Marshall apparently, and I don't see how that would be a problem.
You also might recognize her from That 70's Show, or as the voice for Meg Griffin in Family Guy. Regardless, I think we can all agree she's put herself on the map as an intriguing Thighnal Four prospect for next year.

Poorly Acquitted's NBA Playoff Predictions

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 4/17/2008 10:43:00 AM

Gadzooks this is going to be the best NBA playoffs ever!! No other conference has ever had 8 teams win 50 games. Impressive. No team has ever turned their fortunes around by more than 40 games in a season. Nice. Here are my thoughts on the first round matchups.

Best First Round Matchup: Lakers v. Nuggets
Two of the 3 best players in the post-Jordan era squaring off in the first round, are you kidding me? Iverson making the jumper and then stepping over Tyronn Lue in the 2001 Finals is a lasting image. However Kobe remembers winning the second of three straight titles. You can't say that the season series was indicative of what will happen here. Sasha Vujacic isn't nearly as good as he played in Game 1, Game 2 was the worst officiated game of the season, Game 3 Melo got hurt two minutes into the 2nd Quarter and Derek Fisher played his best game since high school. This should be a lot of fun.

A close Second Place for Best First Round Matchup: Spurs v. Suns
A lot of people think this is the series at the top of the list, not me. Any series involving the Spurs isn't good for casual basketball fans. Then again any series involving Steve Nash is. The series should go the distance. Deep down I can't vote against the Spurs just because of the premium placed on defense in the playoffs. We know officials love to jerk off the Spurs. Amare has been playing like a crazed demon the last few weeks, somehow I think that moves toward mild with Timmy D guarding him.

Series you might have Overlooked: Magic v. Raptors
Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard two of the best young big men in the league right now. Superman versus the dude with funny commercials pimping himself for the All Star game. Orlando should win the series, but I think the Raptors can make it interesting. Both teams can shoot the rock, both can play inside. Probably the only first round series in the east worth watching, unless you want to see LeBron and Agent 0 play one on one for a couple games.

Most Overrated First Round Matchup: Jazz v. Rockets
You think the Jazz didn't want this series based on their lay down against the Spurs last night? The Rockets figured it out right after the new year posting the second longest winning streak in NBA history. That's 22 more games than the Rockets will win in the postseason. The Jazz win the first two in Salt Lake by 15+ then win a couple of close ones in Houston.


  • Relax about David Ortiz people. He's going to come around. This happens every damn year. Somebody flips out because a superstar is off to a horrid start, and sure enough the numbers are there at the end of the season. I'll be shocked if his 30+ homers and 100+ RBI are not there at the end of the year. He'll be hitting his clutch bombs and leading the Boston Red Sox to another playoff run in no time.
  • Along that thinking, it drives me apeshit how into the standings people are getting already. The Florida Marlins, a team with a combined payroll lower than Alex Rodriguez's salary are in first place in the NL East at 9-5. The Kansas City Royals are 9-6, and sure they are a little bit improved, have a nice young rotation and are headed in the right direction for once, but there's no way they finish better than 4th place in the AL Central. The St. Louis Cardinals team that most picked to finish at or near the bottom of the NL Central for many wise reasons are 11-4. Meanwhile, teams that will be in the races come September in the Cleveland Indians, Detroit Tigers, and Atlanta Braves only have 5 wins. What does all this mean? It's early, and it's baseball. Everybody's going to go on a little run here and there, but over the course of 162 games, it's going to be the teams we all thought would be competing for the playoffs. Sure we've seen unexpected teams such as the Colorado Rockies and Florida Marlins over the recent years make the playoffs, but in this day and age with the significant payroll differences between the New York Yankees and Baltimore Orioles for example, the teams with the money are likely going to be the ones competing for October. They're also the teams that will make necessary moves to improve their club when the July 31st trade deadline comes, when the teams with a small payroll will struggle to do so. It's crap, but it's just the way it is. And I'm not telling the fans of the Royals, Marlins, and Cardinals to stop watching, I'm just telling you to not get carried away with the early good start of your team.
  • How much longer until Prince Fielder starts eating meat again? The plumpy Milwaukee Brewers first baseman became a vegetarian in the off-season. He hit 50 homers last year, and was second in the National League with a homer every 11.2 at bats. So far this year, he he's yet to homer in 49 at bats. Additionally, he has a slugging percentage of .286, and last year he was second in the National League at .618. I know, it's early, and just like Ortiz he's going to come around, but just thought this was interesting.
  • In other news involving fat people, Andruw Jones has to be over 260 pounds. That's quite hefty for a center-fielder. After outfielder Juan Pierre being one of the biggest free agent busts in MLB history, Los Angeles Dodgers fans are hoping Andruw gets his ass into shape, show that he cares, and start earning his money.
  • Carlos Pena is tied with the MLB lead with 6 homers... but has a batting average under the Mendoza line at .186. 6 of his 10 hits have left the yard.
  • Chicago Cubs first baseman Derrek Lee is in for a special season like he had in 2005. Lee broke his wrist in 2006, and never seemed to regain his power stroke until after the All-Star break last season. Well, he's absolutely killing the ball right now, already hitting 6 homers. He went into the All-Star break in July with the same amount of homers last year, finishing with 22 on the season. We knew he would continue to be a plus-.300 hitter, but the return of the power stroke is a very positive sign for Lee and the Cubs. It's not just the homers that show how well he's hitting, as he's hitting the ball with authority to all parts of the field. It's going to be difficult for pitchers to figure out a way to get him out this year.
  • Speaking of the Cubs, left-handed starting pitchers Ted Lilly and Rich Hill are a major concern right now. Lilly's velocity is down a few mph, and he's had terrible command. They think he could be experiencing a "dead arm" period, and the beginning of the season is certainly not the time for that. He pitches later today, and another bad outing will probably have the Cubs taking a serious look at his arm. More confusing is the case with Rich Hill. His problems are purely related to his command, which has been atrocious since the beginning of Spring Training. The Cubs essentially skipped his last start and put him in the bullpen to possibly work a couple innings out of there this past weekend to tune up, but they never got the ideal situation to put him in. They're going to let him start again this weekend against the Pirates, and if he has shoddy control with his fastball and curveball again, there's talk he could be taken out of the rotation in favor of Jon Lieber or Sean Marshall. Lieber should be in the rotation anyway if you ask me.
  • I would not be surprised at all to see the Pittsburgh Pirates trade one of their outfielders before the deadline. They have a surplus of solid outfielders right now... and not much else. Just like every other year since the Bonds, Bonilla, and Van Slyke days, they have no chance of competing for the playoffs this year. They need to keep playing 26-year-old CF Nate McClouth, who leads the NL in hits with 26. Additionally, 27-year-old CF Nyjer Morgan seems like a Juan Pierre clone(which many would say is a bad thing) and they should get him some more playing time to see what they have. Xavier Nady is off to a terrific start, but at 29 and being an average corner outfielder at best over the course of his career, the Pirates might be better off trading him for a prospect. The most likely guy to be the odd man out(aka the lucky guy) is former All-Star Jason Bay. There's been rumors of him going to the San Diego Padres, and that would make perfect sense. A change of scenery and a winning culture might be able to Bay back to the hitter he was from 2004 to 2006.
  • People keep doubting the Arizona Diamondbacks, and here they are again winning games. Justin Upton is going to be a superstar, and it might be happening before any of us could have predicted. The 20-year-old phenom is hitting .357 with 5 homers and 12 RBI already. A few of those homers have been of the tape-measuring variety. Another incredible young talent in Chris Young is showing more patience at the plate. Although he'll be better suited in the middle of the lineup in coming years, he's been leading off for the Diamondbacks. He already has 11 walks in 67 plate appearances, in comparison to only 43 walks in 624 plate appearances in 2007. Also, starting pitcher Brandon Webb has to be the most underrated pitcher in the league. He's boring to most people because he just gets groundballs and keep his pitch count efficient like he's supposed to, rather than the guys that light up the radar gun and are out of the game early after high pitch counts. Webb is already 4-0, with an ERA under 1.86. He won the Cy Young in 2006 with a record of 16-8, and ERA of 3.10. However, he probably even had a better year in 2007 with an 18-10 record, and 3.01 ERA.
  • Like Rich Hill, Cleveland Indians starting pitcher C.C. Sabathia's early problems seem to be very much related to command issues. This is really mind-boggling...He's already walked 14 hitters in 18 innings this year, and only walked 37 hitters in 241 innings in 2007! The velocity at least seems to be there, so if C.C. can just get his terrific command back he should be okay, and the Indians will look like one of the best teams in baseball again as they should. That is of course if they get their bullpen situation under control, but Rafael Betancourt should be able to step in and do everything Joe Borowski could do in the closer's role and more.
  • The team that should be the Indians' main competition for the AL Central title is also having serious pitching woes as many predicted. We all knew the Detroit Tigers' hitting would come around, but the pitching is another story, especially in the bullpen. Todd Jones is old and sucks, and we do not even know for sure if Joel Zumaya will be able to pitch this year. Regardless, they will be able to slug themselves into many victories. They should definitely look for bullpen help before the trade deadline though. Chad Cordero of the Washington Nationals and Huston Street of the Oakland Athletics are a couple of guys that I think will be available.
  • It's sad that one of the game's best young players in Hanley Ramirez is playing for the Florida Marlins where less than 10,000 people come to watch him.
Anything catch your eye in the early going of the 2008 baseball season?

Thank you to Brooks for telling me about this song. Apparently this video's been around for at least a year and I cannot believe I had no idea about it, since I'm a huge fan of The Karate Kid. Like Daniel Larusso, this video kicks fucking ass. Even Mr. Belding is in it!

"Sweep The Leg" By No More Kings

ESPN's John Clayton is reporting that Bengals star wide receiver Chad Johnson has demanded a trade. Here's an excerpt from the article:
"I want to be traded before the draft, and if that doesn't happen, I want to be traded as soon as possible,'' Johnson said. "I don't intend on reporting to anything.''
This is sure to be the top story in the NFL leading up to next week's draft. Although Clayton mentions how the Bengals have no intention of trading Johnson, let's assume that they feel forced to... What team would be a likely destination for Ocho Cinco? The Eagles make a lot of sense. Donovan McNabb wants the Eagles to get him a play-making wide receiver.

Something to consider during election season

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 4/15/2008 10:41:00 PM | , ,

Amid McCain endorsing his position to lower gas taxes for the summer months in order to stimulate the economy I thought I'd share this political jewel with you.

video

Stupid but not in the way you think

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 4/14/2008 09:09:00 PM |

Clapp beat me to the punch on talking about the Melo story. After much internal debate I still wanted to post my thoughts. As Clapp said it's stupid, but let's check the tally sheet: 24, shitload of disposable income, access to anything and everything you would want. Bottom line, you would party like a crazy SoB too. And for the record this won't effect the Nuggets at all. The team almost focuses better when they face a little adversity. The league won't reprimand Melo, and if they do it won't be until next season. He was out celebrating a big win with his teammates. Nugs might still lose in the first round of the playoffs, but it will have nothing to do with this.


The thing that gets me about all of this stupidity with young wealthy stars (Melo, Lohan, Hilton, etc.) is that they have no reason to drive ever. I fucking hate driving. It's the worst part of my day every day. Driving limits my party life. Driving costs money I don't like to spend. Ok that last sentence doesn't support the general theme of this post, but whatever. Having a personal driver costs between $30,000 and $50,000 depending on what city you live in. Melo's house cost right around $18,000,000. Can he afford a driver?


Do I have to put the ball down when I drive?

The thing that really gets my goat about Melo is that he lives 45 fucking minutes from downtown. It's an obnoxious drive. Oh yeah, and he has a loft across the street from the Pepsi Center. Best case scenario you're exhausted after the game or getting back late from a roadie. Worst case scenario you hang out with the boys after the game. Why the fuck is he ever behind the wheel? I mean I'm a huge Nuggets fan and Melo apologist but shit man, use your dome.

Lohan had to wear that stupid alcohol bracelet for 45 days after trying to drive home 5 miles. The thing that shocks me about LA in general is that nobody cares. You really have to be acting like a fucking retard to get pulled over. I've spent my time making rounds at the Hollywood club scene (no it's not worth the $100 you need to give the bouncers to get in if you don't have a Black Card) and every one of those fuckers drives to the club. There is no such thing as a cab in that part of town and not as many limos or drivers as you would think. Yet people seem shocked when one of these celebs get caught drinking and driving. It's only a slight exaggeration to say that those folks need to be driving on the sidewalks to get pulled.

Did this really need to happen?

Didn't Brit just get a DWI? Ok maybe she shouldn't be compared to anybody, except aliens or the hugest douchebag you've ever met. A hot douchebag though. And yes, even when a little chubbier she's still hot.

Two stories in the NBA world today really caught my eye.
Michael Beasley officially declared for the NBA Draft, which of course is a surprise to nobody. In many cases I question the decision-making of early entrants into the NBA Draft, but this certainly was not one of them. This kid is a sure thing. He's going to be a superstar, and very soon I think. Additionally, he did not really have much to gain by staying at Kansas State. His draft positioning certainly wouldn't change from this year to the next, Kansas State was unlikely to be a legitimate national title contender with him anyway, and when you're going to be a top 3 pick, you take that opportunity before an injury could occur. He'll either be the #1 or #2 overall pick, depending on who wins the lottery.
There's a few teams that already have a power forward that might be better off with Memphis point guard Derrick Rose, but if a team is just looking for the best player, I think that is clearly Beasley. As of right now, the three teams with the best chances to win the lottery are as follows: Miami Heat(25% chance), Seattle(for right now anyway) Supersonics(19.9% chance), and Minnesota Timberwolves(15.6% chance).
Many people have compared Beasley to Carmelo Anthony, which leads to me to that story.
Carmelo Anthony was arrested at 4 AM right here in Colorado this morning, for a suspicion of driving under the influence. The AP release of the story says,
"He was alone in the car and pulled over for weaving and not dimming his lights. Detective Sharon Hahn said Anthony failed a series of sobriety tests. He was charged with DUI and then taken to police headquarters before being released to a 'sober responsible party,' Hahn said. Anthony is due in court May 14."

Now listen, if there's anybody that does some heavy drinking, it's me, and pretty much every other writer on this site. So, I understand Melo likes to get wild, and celebrate the likely entrance of the Nuggets into the playoffs. That's his right and I would probably do the same thing.
However, the timing of this just could not be worse. The last thing this team needs right now is a distraction like this. As I said, they are likely in the playoffs now, but it's still not official. If the Golden State Warriors can go into Phoenix tonight and beat the Suns, the Nuggets still have to win another game. They would have to go out and beat the lowly Memphis Grizzlies in Denver, but with the inconsistency of the Nuggets, I would not call that a sure win by any means. One night they look like the best team in the NBA, and the next night they play defense worse than your average sixth graders. Their complete focus needs to be on winning that game if need be, and Carmelo's created an extra story that can only annoy the team.
As for Carmelo, his image is really not in the best shape these days. Coming out of Syracuse, everybody viewed him as the nice guy that was always smiling, loving to play basketball, not causing any trouble off the court, and seemed to be a great guy for the NBA to publicize alongside fellow 2003 NBA draftee LeBron James. In 2004, he was cited for marijuana possession, but luckily his buddy took all the blame to have the charges on Melo dropped. Then in 2006, his best friend and disappointing Colorado State basketball player Tyler Smith was caught having weed in Melo's car. Then of course in 2007, he was a major contributor in the Nuggets-Knicks brawl that landed him a 15-game suspension.
Listen, as I said, I have no problem with the partying, because I'd probably be doing the same thing. All of these guys are probably smoking marijuana and getting hammered every night. It's just that most get away with it and are smarter about it. Melo needs to get his act together, and I really hope he does because he's a terrific player that I get the pleasure of watching all the time here. However, if he keeps getting himself into trouble, I would not at all be surprised to hear his name in trade rumors over the next couple years. That would be a shame.

And wins her first clay-court title! Maria beat Dominika Cibulkova in the final of the Bausch and Lomb Championships for her third title of 2008. Fuck yeah Maria!

It's not a leg lamp, but it's still nice.

In one of the most exciting games of recent memory, #3Megan Fox was able to hold off a remarkable comeback attempt by #2 Elisha Cuthbert to capture the 2008 Hot Ladies Tournament title! Thanks to all of you that participated, and certainly Megan thanks you even more.
To see Megan's incredible journey, the "Thighnal 4" link in the right margin will take you to the full Hot Ladies Tournament bracket.
To honor Megan's achievement, we present her with this trophy:


UPDATE: MEGAN FOX IS THE 2008 HOT LADIES TOURNAMENT CHAMPION!!!!!!!!

Elisha Cuthbert shocked the world with her win against #1 Jessica Alba, who many were picking to win it all. Megan Fox had yet another dominating performance versus #2 Alyssa Milano, and it's clear by now that she's no fluke. So, we're finally at the moment that we've all been waiting for. Which one is the hottest lady in our tournament?

Elisha Cuthbert

You probably know Elisha from the popular television action series 24, or from the comedy films Old School and The Girl Next Door. This 25-year old Canadian also ties into the sports world since she is a huge hockey fan. As she now resides in Los Angeles, she's a Kings season ticket holder. She's even done some blogging for NHL.com. She also was in a relationship with New York Rangers player Sean Avery, but thankfully she's single these days. You will find Elisha in pretty much any top ladies lists from the likes of Maxim, FHM, etc. But of course, nothing would top a championship here at the Thighnal Four... and she's the favorite to do so. Can she hold off the Foxy phenom?

Megan Fox
Megan's put on an absolute show in her entire run. She had our tourney's only shutout, against #14 Joumana Kidd. She sent #2 seed Anna Kournikova back to Russia in the Sweet 16. People thought she might go down to a veteran in #6 Halle Berry, but she proved that she's ready for the pressure involved on the treacherous journey that is the "Road To The Thighnal Four". Then, she took down another young talent, in Playmate and #4 seeded Shannon James in the Elite 8. Finally, in the Thighnal Four, she knocked off #2 Alyssa Milano.
Her run certainly isn't a surprise to me though. I mean, look at those eyes. She has the best eyes I've ever seen. At 21, she's skyrocketing up hot ladies charts everywhere after her role as Mikaela Barnes in the blockbuster film Transformers. Maxim ranked her #18 on their "Hot 100" list of 2007, one spot behind the Thigh Goddess.
You can see she has a tattoo in the top picture: "I have five. Anytime I have a feeling about anything, I get tattooed. I have a poem I wrote on my ribcage and a symbol for strength on my neck, and my boyfriend Brian’s name tattooed next to my pie." Whoa. The Brian she is referring to is one Brian Austin Green, and they are engaged. Yep, David Silver from Beverly Hills 90210. That son of a bitch. Hopefully for him, he doesn't run that situation into the ground like he did when in charge of the Peach Pit.

The Championship Game Is Set!

Posted by Matt Clapp | 4/10/2008 03:03:00 PM | , ,

#2 Elisha Cuthbert will take on #3 Megan Fox. Thanks for your voting!

UPDATE: ELISHA CUTHBERT IS IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!!!!!!
Jessica Alba
Considered by many to be the hottest woman alive, and this 26-year-old came in as arguably the tournament favorite. AskMen.com readers voted her #1 on their "99 Most Desirable Women" in 2006. In 2006, Playboy named her "Sex Star of the Year". Maxim ranked her #2 on their 2007 "Hot 100 list" list, behind Lindsay Lohan.... so just move Jessica up to #1 there. Additionally, she won FHM's 2007 "Sexiest Woman of the Year". So, the resume is there, and she hasn't proved her believers wrong up to this point.

Elisha Cuthbert
You probably know Elisha from the popular television action series 24, or from the comedy films Old School and The Girl Next Door. This 25-year old Canadian also ties into the sports world since she is a huge hockey fan. As she now resides in Los Angeles, she's a Kings season ticket holder. She's even done some blogging for NHL.com. She also was in a relationship with New York Rangers player Sean Avery, but thankfully she's single these days. You will find Elisha in pretty much any top ladies lists from the likes of Maxim, FHM, etc. But of course, nothing would top a championship here at the Thighnal Four.

UPDATE: MEGAN FOX IS IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, here we are... The Thighnal Four, where dreams of extremely attractive women come true. Alyssa Milano's not afraid of this situation. She's been here before. Will her experience pay off, or will the phenom and favorite Megan Fox be able to step up in the Thighnal Four spotlight?

Alyssa Milano
It's definitely not a surprise that Alyssa reached the Thighnal Four. #15 Kari Byron never had a chance against her. #7 Erin Andrews gave an admirable effort, but Alyssa's breasts proved to be too much for Erin to handle. Even in the Sweet 16, she was able to destroy #6 Keira Knightley, which caused quite a media stir in England. And in the Elite 8, she was able to knock off #5 Jennifer Love Hewitt, the same woman that eliminated our Thigh Goddess.
Pretty much every male in America has had a crush on Alyssa Milano. If you haven't, well, maybe you should go find a "Hot Guys" tournament somewhere instead. Alyssa is a naughty girl, having shown off those amazing knockers in quite a few films. She also has 8 tattoos.
We also love Alyssa because she loves baseball, like every Thigh contributor does as well. She did some reporting crap for TBS during the MLB playoffs last year. She also keeps a baseball blog. I'm sweating as I type all this by the way. She also has her own line of clothing called "Touch", for female baseball fans, and ladies can purchase the apparel on mlb.com. Above we have an example of her showing off her baseball love, and either she's really cold, or gets turned on by baseball apparently. We'll accept either reason...

Megan Fox
Megan's probably been the most impressive performer in this tournament thus far. She had our tourney's only shutout, against #14 Joumana Kidd. She sent #2 seed Anna Kournikova back to Russia in the Sweet 16. People thought she might go down to a veteran in #6 Halle Berry, but she proved that she's ready for the pressure involved on the treacherous journey that is the "Road To The Thighnal Four". Then, she took down another young talent, in Playmate and #4 seeded Shannon James in the Elite 8.
Her run certainly isn't a surprise to me though. I mean, look at those eyes. She has the best eyes I've ever seen. At 21, she's skyrocketing up hot ladies charts everywhere after her role as Mikaela Barnes in the blockbuster film Transformers. Maxim ranked her #18 on their "Hot 100" list of 2007, one spot behind the Thigh Goddess. You can see she has a tattoo in the top picture: "I have five. Anytime I have a feeling about anything, I get tattooed. I have a poem I wrote on my ribcage and a symbol for strength on my neck, and my boyfriend Brian’s name tattooed next to my pie." Whoa. The Brian she is referring to is one Brian Austin Green, and they are engaged. Yep, David Silver from Beverly Hills 90210. That son of a bitch. Hopefully for him, he doesn't run that situation into the ground like he did when in charge of the Peach Pit.

I made a video to honor the ladies who made the Thighnal Four(Jessica Alba, Alyssa Milano, Elisha Cuthbert, and Megan Fox)...

UPDATE: JESSICA ALBA IS IN THE THIGHNAL FOUR!!!!!!!!
The last game of the Elite 8. Soon we'll know which beautiful ladies will be going to the Thighnal Four.

Jessica Alba

I feel like it's a waste of time to even describe Jessica Alba... So I'm not going to. You know her. You love her. You've probably already gotten off to a picture of her today.

Carmen Electra
I remember back in the 90's when I heard Jenny McCarthy wasn't going to be on Singled Out anymore. I was heartbroken, and wondered if it would even be worth watching the cheesy MTV dating game show following her departure. Then I saw the girl replacing Jenny, Carmen Electra, and immediately got an erecta. Being the horny just-entering puberty teenager that I was, I watched that show everyday, and felt like a kid in a candy store when I found out that she had appeared naked in Playboy. I also remember wondering why it was snowing in my pants.

UPDATE: ELISHA CUTHBERT IS IN THE THIGHNAL FOUR!!!!!!!

Rachel Bilson has been the Davidson of our tournament, but like Davidson, most experts think her incredible run will end right here in the Elite 8. Can she pull off one of the biggest upsets in Hot Ladies Tournament history?


Elisha Cuthbert
Elisha Cuthbert just barely missed being a #1 seed, and many people are picking her to win the entire tournament. You probably know her from the popular television action series 24, or from the comedy films Old School and The Girl Next Door. This 25-year old Canadian also ties into the sports world since she is a huge hockey fan. As she now resides in Los Angeles, she's a Kings season ticket holder. She's even done some blogging for NHL.com. She also was in a relationship with New York Rangers player Sean Avery, but thankfully she's single these days. You will find Elisha in pretty much any top ladies lists from the likes of Maxim, FHM, etc. But of course, nothing would top a trip to the Thighnal Four, which she could achieve with a victory here.

Rachel Bilson
Most people know Rachel from her character Summer Roberts on The OC. Yes, I watched the show. Since then I've had a little thing for Rachel. In fact, I was so impressed with her that I gave her a "Thigh Of The Week" award, the highest honor a woman can receive on this site(aside from winning this tournament of course). Here's what I had to say:
Oh how I’d like to take a bite out of that tight ass. Sweet, soft skin. Perfectly aligned teeth make for that beautiful smile. She knows she’s fuckalicious. Plays hard to get, but deep down she‘s begging for a pearl necklace. Quality Tits. Average Actress… But most importantly, what a thigh.

UPDATE: ALYSSA MILANO IS IN THE THIGHNAL FOUR!!!!!!!

Road To The Thighnal Four Update: Our Elite 8 is set. To see all of the remaining participants, and how they got here, check out our full bracket. You can get there by clicking on the "Thighnal 4" logo on the right. Now, we've got a dandy of a match-up between 2 ladies that we've all known for years...


Alyssa Milano
It's definitely not a surprise that Alyssa is in the regional thighnals of our tournament. #15 Kari Byron never had a chance against her. Erin Andrews gave an admirable effort, but Alyssa's breasts proved to be too much for Erin to handle. Even in the Sweet 16, she was able to blowout Keira Knightley, which has caused quite a media stir in England.
Pretty much every male in America has had a crush on Alyssa Milano. If you haven't, well, maybe you should go find a "Hot Men" tournament somewhere instead. Alyssa is a naughty girl, having shown off those amazing knockers in quite a few films. She also has 8 tattoos. We also love Alyssa because she loves baseball, like every Thigh contributor does as well. She did some reporting crap for TBS during the MLB playoffs last year. She also keeps a baseball blog. I'm sweating as I type all this by the way. She also has her own line of clothing called "Touch", for female baseball fans, and ladies can purchase the apparel on mlb.com. Below we have an example of her showing off her baseball love, and either she's really cold, or gets turned on by baseball apparently. We'll accept either reason...

Jennifer Love Hewitt
As always, the 5-12 match-ups are never an easy task for the 5 seeds, and that was the case for J Love in the first round. The game stayed close until the last few minutes, when Jennifer's veteran leadership led to victory over Diora Baird. What really surprised us though, was her dominating performance, as an underdog nonetheless, against #4 Kate Beckinsale. Then came the victory over #1 Maria Sharapova in the Sweet 16, which I'm still losing sleep over. There's no doubt that Jennifer's earned this trip to the Elite 8.
Jennifer is your prototypical horror movie chick: giant tits, tight ass, terrible actress, nice scream, and a clumsy dumbass. We saw her put all of those characteristics on display in the I Know What You Did Last Summer movies. I only wish one of the things that I know she did last summer was me, HEY-O!

UPDATE: MEGAN FOX IS GOING TO THE THIGHNAL FOUR!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, here we are at the Elite 8. This first game of the round is between two ladies that were not known by everybody coming into the tournament, but are sure to be household names very soon. It's unfortunate that one of them will have to go home after this game, but one of them will secure a spot in the coveted Thighnal Four. Who's dream is going to come true?


Megan Fox
Megan's probably been the most impressive performer in this tournament thus far, with two absolutely dominating performances, one of which was our only shutout of the tournament against Joumana Kidd. Most recently, she sent #2 seed Anna Kournikova back to Russia in the Sweet 16. People thought she might go down to a veteran in Halle Berry, but she proved that she's ready for the pressure involved on the treacherous journey that is the "Road To The Thighnal Four".
Her run certainly isn't a surprise to me though. I mean, look at those eyes. She has the best eyes I've ever seen. At 21, she's skyrocketing up hot ladies charts everywhere after her role as Mikaela Barnes in the blockbuster film Transformers. Maxim ranked her #18 on their "Hot 100" list of 2007, one spot behind the Thigh Goddess. You can see she has a tattoo in the top picture: "I have five. Anytime I have a feeling about anything, I get tattooed. I have a poem I wrote on my ribcage and a symbol for strength on my neck, and my boyfriend Brian’s name tattooed next to my pie." Whoa. The Brian she is referring to is one Brian Austin Green, and they are engaged. Yep, David Silver from Beverly Hills 90210. That son of a bitch. Hopefully for him, he doesn't run that situation into the ground like he did when in charge of the Peach Pit.

Shannon James
Shannon took down the sexy tennis star Ana Ivanovic in the first round, the "Queen of Porn" Jenna Jameson in the second round, and Aida Yespica, the Venezuelan with an ass to die for in the Sweet 16. She's also shown that she has no problem putting a wiener in her mouth. That's my kinda girl.
Poorly Acquitted had this to say about Shannon in the Sweet 16, and it pretty much sums up everything I've already said and more: "I have to admit that I had no idea who Shannon James was when we started the Road to the Thighnal Four. Needless to say I'm a huge fan. Sorority girl. Playmate. Hooters model. Loves hot dogs. She apparently wants to be a host on E! news. That will be my new favorite channel if she ever makes it. She beat Ana Ivanovic in the first round, at least one contributor to the Thigh thought Ana had the talent to make a deep run in the tournament. That tells you an awful lot about Shannon. She also kicked Jenna Jameson to the curb in the second round. James train rolling through."