May 2008 | Sharapova's Thigh

Marisa Miller

This absolutely gorgeous blonde graced the cover of the 2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, pleasing teenage boys in grocery stores everywhere.

Additionally, she finished #1 in Maxim's "Hot 100" rankings of 2008, and #1 on The Best Damn Sport Show Period's "Smoking 16". She's also one of the Victoria's Secret "Angels". So it's safe to say she has one of the most recognized American thighs we've seen in quite some time.

Her Wikipedia page shows how she also is a huge sports fan: "She was a standout volleyball player on her high school team, and has long been a big sports fan in general. She has said that if she weren't a model she would be a sportscaster."

It doesn't get much better than that.

BallHype: hype it up!

A couple years ago I went on a family trip to Hawaii on the island of Oahu, and being a lover of the beach and the sun like I am, needless to say it was an absolute blast. But what I did not expect was to be introduced to this terrific brewing company known as Kona. I probably drank a good 50 of their beers in our week there. I'm not kidding.

Our hotel resort had a bar every 50 yards it seemed, all serving this on draft. We even went to one of their two pubs which I highly recommend to anybody that makes a trip to Hawaii. Great food right on a Marina, and you can sample all of their beers for a cheap price.

Probably the best beer I've had of their's, and the Kona beer I've seen the most in liquor stores in Colorado, is the Longboard Lager.

When you're talking beer genres, lagers are typically better as "thirst-quenching" beers than most. The Kona Longboard Lager is no exception. I can see why it's so popular in Hawaii, as it's a smooth refreshing beer that's perfect during, or after a long day in the sun.

This lager has an obvious malty/grainy aroma to it. Although not much, there is a sweet, fruity taste to the beer, unlike you'd find in the mainstream lagers from the likes of Budweiser, Miller, and Coors.

If you want a beer to try during the summertime, this would be a great choice. Additionally, if you find yourself drinking lagers all the time, this one adds a little variation that you might enjoy. So if you see this at a liquor store, or if you find a rare bar that carries it, give it a try.

BallHype: hype it up!

Happy Memorial Day

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 5/26/2008 04:58:00 PM | , , ,

To all of you who read "The Thigh" I'd like to wish you a Happy Memorial Day. Hopefully you got to eat some BBQ, drink some beer and watch a Cubs victory... I know I did. And you know what? If you don't root for the Cubs or didn't watch their triumphant defeat of the Dodgers well then... fuck right the hell off. Just kidding, I hope everyone has a safe and happy Memorial Day.

P.S - Damn did it feel good not to have to work today.BallHype: hype it up!

Rigged? Fine By Me!

1.7% chance!

2 days later, I still can't contain my excitement.

My Chicago Bulls hit the NBA Draft Lottery jackpot and are getting the chance to choose between drafting Memphis point guard Derrick Rose, or Kansas State forward Michael Beasley.

I'm in shock, and I think everybody was in shock aside from those who would say it was inevitable a team like the Bulls would get the top pick due to the NBA Draft Lottery being rigged. If that's the case, I'm just glad my team is on the good side of that.

Although there were some nice moments in the 2006-2007 Bulls season that included a sweep of the Miami Heat in the 1st round of the playoffs, and gave the Detroit Pistons a quality series in round 2, this was easily the most excited I got since the Jordan glory days. Mainly, it's the unexpectedness of this that really got me feeling like a fat kid in a candy store. Furthermore, it's nice after a disastrous 2007-2008 season in which they came into the season as a sexy pick to be the best team in the East, only to win 33 games and get their head coach Scott Skiles fired by Christmas.

As for the awesome lottery night, my buddy Brooks and I were flipping between the lottery and the Cubs game. With the Bulls expected to pick 9th, and less than a 3% chance to even get into the top-2 which is really all that matters in this draft, I was far more interested in the Cubs game in the 1st 20 minutes of the time allotted for ESPN's lottery coverage.

The 14th pick goes to the Warriors, 13th pick goes to the Blazers, 12th to the Kings, 11th to the Pacers, 10th to the Nets, everything is going as it's supposed to. I look at Brooks and say something like, "And here's the Bulls at #9. Just happen already so I can go back to the Cubs game and stop foolishly thinking the Bulls have a chance at Beasley or Rose."

Then the Bobcats logo comes out of the envelope. I just stared for a second with a "Huh?" look, then screamed out while hopping off the couch, "THIS MEANS THAT THE BULLS ARE IN THE TOP 3 RIGHT? RIGHT? YEAH THE BULLS ARE IN THE TOP 3! HOLY SHIT THE BULLS ARE IN THE TOP 3! NO FUCKING WAY! UNREAL!"

I ran around the apartment like an A.D.D. kid at recess. That commercial break felt like an hour to me. Within what was probably just 30 seconds of my crazed excitement, I started saying/yelling at Brooks something along the lines of, "Oh shit they're going to get the 3rd pick aren't they? I fucking know it. That's going to piss me off more than getting the 9th pick. After Beasley and Rose they're all the same. This is going to be a giant fucking tease."

In my nail-biting and shaking state, the commercials are over and it's time for the opening of the 3rd pick envelope. Out comes the Minnesota Timberwolves logo, followed by probably 100 "HOLY SHIT", "FUCK YEAH", "YES", and "UNREAL" screams from me.

At that point, I didn't even really care if it #1 or #2, but once it was the revealed that Miami was #2, I definitely followed with more jumping up and down.

Following my bouncing off the walls, I started chugging Modelo Especial's in celebration like it was my job. I probably owe Brooks a few beers for dealing with me on this awesome night, as the names Beasley and Rose were blurted out by me more than I say "boobies!" at the strip club.

As any of you loyal readers of our blog have probably noticed, I'm a huge fan of Beasley and Rose. I think they are both future All-Star's, and are each two of the best college players in terms of NBA potential that I have seen in a long time.

I never imagined the Bulls would get the chance at either of them, and especially not the chance to choose between the two of them. Both fit big needs for the Bulls: a great point guard and a low-post scorer. Therefore, it's really unknown right now who the selection will be. I honestly think it's a 50/50 right now, and that could certainly change with personnel moves prior to the draft, which I think will happen.

So, who do I think the Bulls should take, who do I think they will take, and what trades could happen? Who's their coach even going to be?

I will surely write about all that and other NBA Draft material maybe even in the next day because I'm so excited and can't stop thinking about this.

Right now, I'm just going to enjoy this "dilemma".

BallHype: hype it up!

Thigh Of The Week: Miranda Kerr

Posted by Matt Clapp | 5/22/2008 02:45:00 AM | , ,

Miranda Kerr
Kudos to our friend Auz for informing us of the hotness that fellow Australian Miranda Kerr's body carries.

For those of us outside of Australia, the tight-assed Miranda is most popular for being a Victoria's Secret Angel. So if you perhaps skimmed through a Victoria's Secret catalog recently, you probably saw her. Then you probably did something else, and I don't want to hear the details...

She doesn't look a day over 18 in the above photos, but she apparently just turned 25. In her short life she's done a ton of modeling for clothing, fragrances, etc. So she's pretty much every other girl we thighonor on here.

Miranda's also been in a couple music videos and an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Somebody toss this girl in more shows or movies please! She'd make a perfect Entourage chick just hanging out at a party with her top off.

The one negative, which is a big one... she's dating that no talent assclown Orlando Bloom.

BallHype: hype it up!

So tonight we will find out which two NBA teams get the chance to draft Memphis point guard Derrick Rose or Kansas State forward Michael Beasley. I don't think you can go wrong with either.

Obviously certain teams would rather have one than the other when looking at their current personnel, but at worst you get "stuck" with one of these guys at #2, and then package them for a lot.

After the #2 selection, there's still plenty of talent, but probably not a player where fans will be begging their team to take.

USC guard O.J. Mayo? He's definitely a great talent with good ball-handling skills, terrific range on a jumper that will likely improve, and outstanding athleticism. However, he's also only 6'4" and likely to be a #2 guard or a combo guard in the pros.

I could have also discussed Indiana guard Eric Gordon with those comments, except Gordon is likely to be a #2 guard only, which certainly hurts his value since he's only 6'4" as well.

Then there's Arizona point guard Jerryd Bayless, Stanford center Brook Lopez... there's some quality prospects outside of the #2 spot, but they all have some flaws in their game that are likely to prevent them from becoming stars. Now obviously we say that every year and there's guys that perform better than expected every year, but I'm just saying how it looks at the moment, and why you want the #1 or #2 selection.

If there's a team out there that REALLY wants the #1 pick, it's probably the New York Knicks with Mike D'Antoni in charge now. With Derrick Rose running an uptempo offense like he did so well at Memphis, D'Antoni might be able to get the Knicks looking like the Suns soon after all.

Probability of getting the #1 pick
Miami Heat: 25%
Seattle(for right now) Sonics: 19.9%
Minnesota Timberwolves: 13.8%
Memphis Grizzlies: 13.7%
New York Knicks: 7.6%
LA Clippers: 7.5%
Milwaukee Bucks: 4.3%
Charlotte Bobcats: 2.8%
Chicago Bulls(please please please): 1.7%
New Jersey Nets: 1.1%
Indiana Pacers: 0.8%
Sacramento Kings: 0.7%
Portland Trailblazers: 0.6%
Golden State Warriors: 0.5%

BallHype: hype it up!

Billy Wagner Pissed That His Teammmates Ditch Media

Posted by Matt Clapp | 5/16/2008 12:22:00 PM | ,

This is hilarious.

BallHype: hype it up!

So I got in a debate last night with a friend at the bars. Who has the best starting rotation in baseball? I should preface this by saying that he's a Rays fan and is going absolutely apeshit over how they are playing. In his opinion the Rays have the second best staff in baseball behind the Red Sox. Two thoughts popped into my head immediately: slow your role and get off the Red Sox cock, I know their good but they don't enter this conversation. This is my obligatory tip of the cap to Josh Beckett for fucking over Cleveland last year. You win, you always do. Fuckface. So here it goes my attempt at the top 5 starting staffs in Major League Baseball.

Cleveland Indians

Yeah this comes as no shock since I am an unapologetic homer, but I feel pretty confident that this ballyhooing is accurate. CC, Fausto, Cliff Lee, Jake Westbrook, Aaron Laffey and Paul Byrd. 44 2/3 straight innings without giving up a run. Cliff has an ERA of 0.67. If Fausto can find the strike zone he's untouchable. The only hope against big number 55 is that he walks you. Oh yeah and CC is the reigning Cy Young winner and has regained that form after a rocky start. They lead the majors in Quality Starts (27) and in ERA (3.26). The ERA number is made more impressive by the fact that the bullpen has an ERA a full point higher (4.25).

Arizona Diamondbacks

This rotation was good last year, now they are scary. Brandon Webb? Oh he's just 9-0. Dan Haren? Yeah I guess he's ok. An old, but still intimidating as hell Randy Johnson. And Babe Ruth, I mean Micah Owings. I was surprised to see that they are only 8th in the majors in ERA, but the top 4 is pretty legit. In all reality this is probably Randy's last year, but he still makes most batters want to crap their pants because you never know when he's going to airmail one over your head. I'm not sure what is more impressive, Brandon Webb starting the season 9-0 or Cliff Lee's ERA. Either way, Webb has been dealin. This rotation is going to give teams fits in the postseason. Basically they have 2 number one starters and 2 number two starters. Normally a recipe of success.

Toronto Blue Jays

I really don't understand how this team is so completely and utterly awful. It is no fault of the pitching staff. Everybody knows how good Roy Halladay (Mandatory Denver shoutout to Arvada West Hight School) has been over the last 5 years. AJ Burnett has always been good despite bouts of inconsistency. It's the rise of Jesse Litsch and Shaun Marcum that has made this rotation truly formidable. Marcum and Cliff Lee had an epic duel Sunday in the back half of a double dip. The both went 9 scoreless. Marcum gave up 2 hits Cliff gave up 5. At this point the Jays have probably already dug themselves into too big a hole, but it isn' the fault of the starters. If the bullpen and the bats come around this team will end up screwing over some of their competitors in the AL East.

Tampa Bay Rays

Scott Kazmir. James Shields. I don't know if I should type anything else. They could be 2 of the top 5 pitching talents in the right now. I say talent because both still have mental problems and therefore haven't reached their potential. These guys are good and young and locked up for a long time. I'm not sure if this cat Andy Sonnanstine is for real or not. He's 5-1 but has an awful ERA. I must say that I was stoked to see Matt Garza leave the AL Central. When he figures it out he'll be fith nasty. Oh yeah and they have David Price who last time I checked had an ERA of 0.00 after 27 innings pitched at AA. I know its AA, but he's scary good too. This staff is going to be really special for a long time coming. Then again Buster Olney said every year for the last 3 that this team should be good, so I guess we never know quite what to expect out of the Rays.

Chicago Cubs

I almost don't want to start talking about the Cubs staff because I know that my fellow Thigh contributors are Cubaholics. Carlos Zambrano is scary good. Emphasis on scary because every time I see him on ESPN I know I might witness a murder: teammate, opponent, fan he doesn't discriminate. The dude is intense, and that's a good quality to have in a pitcher. Dempster has had an up and down career, but so far this year it has been up up and up. He has great stuff its just a question of health and mental problems. Ted Lilly is a great competitor. I'm sure I left something out about Hill or Marquis.

BallHype: hype it up!

But in women's tennis as well. With the WTA's(Women Tennis Association) #1 ranked Justine Henin's shocking retirement at the age of 25, the Thigh Goddess will move up to the top spot in the rankings on Monday.
"The ranking has never been a big deal for me," Sharapova said.
Stop being so modest babe.

BallHype: hype it up!

Thigh Of The Week: Elisabetta Canalis

Posted by Matt Clapp | 5/15/2008 07:00:00 PM | ,

Elisabetta Canalis
Thanks to one of our loyal readers Johnr42 for requesting the lovely Elisabetta Canalis. If you'd like to nominate a "Thigh Of The Week", just send us an e-mail(, or post a comment on on here with your suggestion.

I had never heard of Canalis before Johnr42 told me to Google her, and man am I happy I did. As you may have been able to guess the name and those gorgeous features, Elisabetta is an incredible representative of Italian thigh. We might have to start looking for more Italian ladies after seeing this body.

Elisabetta is a popular model in Italy(shocking huh?), television personality in Italy, and it sounds like a medicore to below average actress, but shame on you if you are paying attention to her acting skills rather than her breasts.

Anyway, if you have a bad taste in movies, you probably saw her in Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she looked hot in it. She's apparently going to be in a movie called Virgin Territory(which I can guarantee you is not her house judging by all of the nude photos of her on Google) that stars Hayden Christensen and Mischa Barton. So expect that to have worse acting than Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood.

She was in a relationship with Italian soccer player Christian Vieri, and it sounds like lately she's been hooking up with Chelsea F.C.'s star player Didier Drogba. I'm really jealous of those assholes.

The baseball player I've maybe hated more than any other in my lifetime is going to be on my beloved Chicago Cubs, and in the lineup tomorrow against the team that just released him. Oh my. Unlike most of Cubdom though, I am not considering suicide over it.

The Cubs signed the 37-year-old(and turns 38 in June) Edmonds, the former All-Star of the St. Louis Cardinals(the Cubs' biggest rival), to the prorated league minimum contract of $284,000. They also sent 23-year-old center fielder Felix Pie down to Triple-A Iowa to make some adjustments at the plate which he certainly needs to do, and get playing time everyday.

The way I see it, is the worst that happens is Edmonds stinks up the joint as he did with the San Diego Padres for his short stay there this season, and the Cubs cut him in a couple weeks. They are not foolish and will definitely let him go if he does not produce. Felix Pie is struggling at the plate, but showed some improvements over the last few weeks, and is outstanding defensively.

If Edmonds does well, it's helping the team win which is the only thing that should matter, right? I will take anybody on the Cubs if it means helping their chances of winning a World Series after a 100-year drought.

Osama Bin Laden can help the pitching rotation? Sign him. The ghost of Adolf Hitler can give us an OPS of 1.000? Get his uniform ready and pencil him in the lineup tomorrow.

The addition of Edmonds also allows the Cubs to move Rookie Of The Year candidate Kosuke Fukudome and his .419 on-base percentage to the #2 spot in the lineup which he is best suited for.

The odds are certainly against Edmonds to make any significant contributions or even approach his numbers of a few years ago. He was hitting just .178, with 1 homer, and an OPS of .498 in 90 at bats for the Padres. Additionally, he has not hit over .260 since 2005. Making matters worse, people around baseball seem to think the eight-time Gold Glove winner has lost a step or two in center field.

However, I think he could hit 10-15 home runs at Wrigley Field still. He's a flyball hitter, and with the wind blowing out like it normally does in the summer at Wrigley Field, the ball has a good chance of leaving the yard on any decently struck flyball. I also think leaving the gigantic outfield dimensions at Petco Park for a much less spacious Wrigley Field could make his defense look much better. It also does not hurt to add a veteran guy who won a championship not too long ago, and was an All-Star not too long ago. Rumor is that he also wants to stick it to Tony LaRussa and the Cardinals, which is really the only music to the ears of most Cubs fans right now.

I really do not see any big risk in this at all. It is a cheap contract, if he does not perform well the Cubs will just release him, and if he does do well, he will add another quality bat to an already tremendous Cubs offense.

However, I will probably throw up tomorrow when I see him trotting up to the plate in Cubs pinstripes.

By the way, our good friend Ace of "The Cubs Brickyard" did an absolutely hilarious piece on the signing of Edmonds and his crotch-grabbing antics. Make sure to check it out.

BallHype: hype it up!

So if last weeks beer, Samuel Adams Scotch Ale, makes me want to run through a goddamn brick wall, this week's selection has a slightly more calming effect. Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat is "the pride of Chippawa Falls, Wisconsin since 1867." It is the 7th oldest brewery in the United States, impressive.

The beer itself is pretty sweet, bordering on girly. Actually I won't lie, my most recent purchase of this brew was because my sisters were coming home for a barbecue and I knew they'd like it. If you drink more than 4 of these at a time you'll get a headache, just like drinking too many wine coolers or something of that sort.

Why you ask would I let this girly brew grace the facade of this manly site? Well its because even men had their childhood. Close your eyes, think back to Saturday mornings circa age 7. Waking up, watching back to back GI Joe, then flipping over to ESPN to watch the Walker's Cay Chronicles. Not because you like fishing, but because at that time SportsCenter wasn't on 24/7, but watching ESPN was bitchin, so you could care less which program was on. Your mom yells from the top of the stairs, "Get your bitch ass up here and eat your breakfast!!" Ok so maybe that part might be different in your dream, my mom didn't like me very much. You go the cupboard and peruse the choices. Naturally you reach for your fav, Fruity Pebbles. You got Fred and Barney all the different colors and the delicious milk afterwards.

Fast forward into the present time. Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat tastes just like Fruity Pebbles milk except with the carbonation and maltiness of beer. I'm not kidding you when I say that this beer makes you feel like a kid again. The fruity flavors, the fruity aromas, it almost takes you off guard and makes you wonder whether you are drinking a beer. So I figured its summertime, a time we all fondly remember from our respective childhoods. Why not go out and grab a sixer of Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat and let the memories roll.

BallHype: hype it up!

5/12 Cubs vs. Fathers

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 5/12/2008 06:06:00 PM | , , , ,

Ok I'm gonna be sitting at home all night to watch the game,so I figured I would throw down with a blog. I'm gonna give an inning by inning stream of thought so just try to keep up.
The game hasn't even started but I can't stop laughing. Jody Gerut is leading off for the Padres.
Ok it has begun:
D-Lee is an amazing glovesmith, that may be my favorite part about him.
Zambrano with a quick inning. 10 pitches and 3 groundball outs. Very impresive.

Cubs 0 Padres 0
Bottom 1:
If the Cubs sign Jim Edmonds and he can start hitting again, they'll have a hell of a lineup.
Theriot continues to hit. The haters continue to disbelieve.
This is probably going to be the longest blog of all time. I'm sorry Clapp.
D-Lee is a fucking hitting machine. A double down the right field line scores Theriot for the first run of the game. He can also steal a base like Rickey Henderson.
Kosuke's home and away splits are really surprising.
I love Geo's approach at the plate. He's gonna be the best catcher the Cubs have had in quite a long time.
If DeRosa hadn't broken his bat he would have just hit a salami.

Cubs 1 Padres 0

Clapp: Would it be wrong to have a man crush thigh of the week for Derrek Lee or would that appear a little gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Yossarian: It would be gay, but I think he deserves it.

Top 2:
Really nothing happened at all.
Oh yeah...other then Big Z violating the Padres hitters. 9 pitch inning.
Cubs 1 Pads 0

Bottom 2:
I love the Cubs cameramen. They're perverts just like me.
I washed my hair 2 times in one showering. It's really soft now.
Quick inning not too much going on.
Cubs 1 Faddas 0

Top 3
Well Z's no-hitter is gone. It's ok, even a blind squirrel finds a nut Hairston.
Theriot has been alot better defensively then people give him credit for.
I thought Z was hurt and I almost "Oops I crapped my pants."
Tad Iguchi is an asshole and a dirty White Sox.

Cubs 1 Padres 1

Clapp: Yossarian is dropping the kids off at the pool, and The Riot has 2 singles.
By the way to get things straight this isn't purely a Cubs blog but 4 of us(Me, Yossarian, Baron, and Bz) are Cubs fans. Yes, we hate our lives. P.A. is an Indians fan, Rad McDude is a Braves fan, and Roddick's Knee is a Red Sox fan.
Derrek Lee double play. You can scratch my thigh of the week idea with him, followed by an Aramis Ramirez strikeout, that son of a bitch. The Wolfman seems to have it working tonight, and he's going to need to with the worst offense in the league supporting him against Zambrano.
Aramis Ramirez makes a web gem and gets the force at 2nd after Adrian Gonzalez, the Padres only legitimately good hitter singles. Khalil Greene who is the subject of trade rumors to the Cubs which will not happen k's looking, followed by another strikeout courtesy of Scott Hairston.
Damn there so many drunk hotties in the bleachers right now. As for the game that you probably don't care about, it's still 1-1 going to the bottom of 4.

Yossarian: Bob Brenly is an idiot.
I can't wait until Thursday for the Office season finale.
I can't believe Dan Uggla has 12 HR's. Those Marlins are playing really well...for now.
Randy Wolf just nailed DeRosa in the head with a fastball and DeRosa charged the mound. There's a huge fight on the mound now. Just kidding, DeRosa walked.

Cubs 1 Faddas 1

Clapp: Josh Bard a local Colorado kid from Cherry Creek High School just flew out to the wall where Reed Johnson made another great catch. It was no diving catch against the Nats, but still pretty good.
Wolfman fans.
And Jody Gerut, that guy Yossarian was making fun of earlier just hit one a mile, 2-1 Padres.

Yossarian:Bottom 5... Zambrano *just* missed hitting a bomb. He was probably pissed that shithole Jody Gerut hit that HR off him.
Soriano just made up for Zambrano missing that HR. Fuck yeah Alfonzie. Cubs 3 Pads 2
Theriot has been an OBP machine kinda. He walks, and he's been on base 3 times tonight. Yippie.
D-Lee has continued to be the man. Another single. I smell an onslaught coming on.
Yep I was right. Aram is clutch, with a single to right center Theriot scores. Cubs 4 Padres 2.
Fukudome walks and the bases are juiced for Soto with no outs. This game is about to be over.
Single up the middle, Lee and Aram score and Soto is proving me right. R.O.Y baby.
I'm gonna take a leak and enjoy this game. I'm just gonna update the score at the end of this inning.
NM, another run scores on a DeRosa single.

At the end of 5 it's the Cubs 7 and the Padres 2

Clapp: Well he got the fun inning. This game is likely over with the Padres AAAA offense so we're not going to update every fucking play the rest of the way, unless it gets close. I seriously can't get over how many sexy ladies are out in the bleachers tonight. I would do anything, maybe anyone that is a female under 180 lbs, to be there right now.

Okay, I lied. I think it's safe to say Alfonso Soriano is officially back as he continue to rake, with a double this time. Theriot walks, and is now 2 for 2 with 2 walks tonight. More walks, including Kosuke Fukudome, or "Indoor Arena" as Woody Paige calls him with an RBI walk. 8-2 and the bags are still full.
The Bad News Padres... Kevin Kouzmanoff fielded a groundball off the bat of Mark DeRosa, and tried to just run to 3rd to get the force out, but was beaten to the bag by Aramis Ramirez. He then tried to throw to 1st, airmailed Adrian Gonzalez by half a mile, and 3 runs scored. 3 runs scored on a routine play to 3rd base! Incredible. I'm seriously laughing my ass off right now.

Yossarian: I really didn't think it was possible to score 3 runs on a ball that didn't leave the infield, but the Padres...oh wow. They're the worst team in baseball for a reason. that was the worst series of events I have ever seen in a baseball game, and keep in mind I watch every single Cubs game.

Reed Johnson just singled home another run and Z singles up the middle. It's 12-2 as of right now. Soriano is up with 2 outs and guys on first and third. we'll see what happens.

Flyout to center. Oh well, this game has been over since it started. Cubs 12 Padres 2

Well it'sover. The Padres are just as awful as I thought. Go Cubs Go 12-3.

TOPLESS! Megan Fox just keeps moving on up, and so does my, yeah, you know what. Fox has a new movie coming out called Jennifer's Body, and there's apparently a scene where she's topless in the lake, only she has a body wrap on and you cannot really see much.
But these photographs show her getting out of the water whe they stop filming and you can see right through the oh so thin body wrap!
Here's the links to her boobies and even some camel toe action:
Megan Fox NSFW!(Nudity)

BallHype: hype it up!

In a shocking revelation Florida Governor Charlie Christ announced that the state is indeed home to TWO Major League Baseball teams. Apparently the teams are the Marlins of Florida located in Miami and the Rays of Tampa Bay. In even more shocking news these teams have existed for 16 and 11 years respectively. The teams have gone unnoticed because they have been mired in what Christ referred to as "complete and utter suckitude......too embarrassing for a proud state like Florida to acknowledge......forces me to use words like suckitude that don't even exist.....And for the last time I'm not related to Jesus or Craig. It's not even pronounced the same. Say the word crystal and then remove the "al" ".

The Marlins, apparently a large fish that is the goal of many sports fishermen, have won an astounding 7 games in a row and are atop the NL East. Nobody knows who their manager is. For that matter nobody, including said unknown manager, could name the entire starting lineup. But it appears they are good.

The Rays, known formally as the Devil Rays, have spent much of the last denying any official link to the Steve Irwin death. Authorities are still investigating. How can a man that wrestles crocodiles possibly be killed by a animal that resembles a flying saucer? Very strange indeed. Many observes thought that this team was actually a Triple-A affiliate for another MLB squad. The Rays trail only the Boston Red Sox in the rugged AL East.

This news comes as a shock to many. Just breathe slowly and let the information digest.

BallHype: hype it up!

13 year old steals his dads credit card...

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 5/10/2008 06:19:00 PM

What was the thing you wanted most in the world when you were 13? I think I wanted a Nintendo and maybe a sweet bike. Well this kid has his sights set high and he's all about the hookers and XBox 360.


A 13 year old boy from Texas is convicted of fraud after using his Father's credit cards to hire escorts.

A 13 year old from Texas who stole his Dad's credit card and ordered two hookers from an escort agency, has today been convicted of fraud and given a three year community order.

Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.

The credit card company involved said it was regular practice to send extra credit cards out as long as all security questions are answered.

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

Police said they were alerted to the motel by a concerned delivery clerk, whom after delivering supplies of Dr Pepper, Fritos and Oreos had been asked by the kids where they could score some chicks and were willing to pay. They explained they had just made a big score at a "World of Warcraft" tournament and wanted to get some relaxation. On noting the boys age the delivery clerk informed the authorities.

When police arrived at the motel they found $3,000 in cash, numerous electronic gadgets, an Xbox video console with numerous games, and the two local escort girls.

Ralph had reportedly told police that his father wouldn't mind, as it was his birthday last week and he had forgot to get him a present. The father, a lawyer said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.

Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

The $1,000 a night girls sensing something up played "Halo" on the Xbox with the kids, instead of selling their sexual services.

Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician.

Now if this article isn't funny enough, there are 2 amazing sub points here.

They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

I'm going to step out on a limb and say this is what they're calling midgets/dwarves/little people/vertically challenged people. Has this country turned into that much of a bunch of PC pussies? When are paraplegic people going to be referred to as "people with restricted walking capabilities"? I don't mean to sound like a dick, but seriously. Do people with E.D have penis's with restricted growth?

Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician.

I don't think I have to add much to this for it to be funny, but I will say that little Ralph is on the right track to become a politician.

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I'm Rich! I'm Rich! Wait, Who Am I Coaching Now?

Because it's all about the money, and I can't blame him. "Him" is former Phoenix Suns head coach Mike D'Antoni, and the new head coach of the New York Knicks. The Knicks handed him 24 million dollars over 4 years in an effort to revamp their pathetic basketball team. You just can't turn down that much money to coach a basketball team, even if you know you have just about zero chance of doing anything successful with them.

While there are reports that the Chicago Bulls were indecisive as to whether or not D'Antoni was the right coach for them, or more specifically worth giving a contract near what the Knicks would offer, they certainly liked him. Furthermore, reports over the last few days said D'Antoni's first choice was the Bulls, and understandably so. With good young athletes on the team that can run the floor such as Luol Deng, Tyrus Thomas, Joakim Noah, Kirk Hinrich, Thabo Sefolosha, Ben Gordon, and Larry Hughes, the Bulls would seem to be a good fit for D'Antoni's fast-paced style offensively. Without a low post scoring presence, their current roster is built to play fastbreak basketball. They had a dismal 2007-2008 season, but came into the season as one of the leading favorites to represent the Eastern Conference in the NBA Finals. I am not saying at all that D'Antoni would have just turned them into the Suns, as the Suns certainly have more talented players. But this is the Eastern Conference we are talking about, and I think D'Antoni could have made them a dangerous team in the conference.

So why would the Bulls not offer as much or near as much money as the Knicks to get D'Antoni? The Bulls want to maintain the defensive gameplan that made them such an annoying team to play prior to this season. D'Antoni is considered an offensive genius, but there is plenty of deserved criticism for his lack of concentration on defense. The Suns dominated year in and year out under D'Antoni on the offensive end during the regular season, but their terrible defense killed them every year in the playoffs. The Bulls apparently feel that he was not going to focus enough on defense, and while they knew he could do wonders for their offense, they want a balanced attack if they are going to throw a big contract at a coach. I think Celtics assistant coach Tom Thibodeau, who is considered a mastermind of defense and is credited for making the Celtics so outstanding in that aspect of the game this year, will be the leading candidate now for the Bulls' head coaching position.

D'Antoni will surely be asked if money was the deciding factor in choosing the Knicks over the Bulls, as I am assuming for many reasons that the Bulls were at least prepared to give him an offer if they did not already. Of course he will tell you although the contract is nice, it has little to do with his decision to take the job.

I can already tell you what he's pretty much going to say: "I'm proud to be a part of such a historic franchise in the biggest city in America. I really wanted the opportunity to turn around such a prominent franchise. Although it is going to take some hard work, and believe me, we'll work hard, I think we can get back there in the near future which is something the greatest fans in the NBA deserve."

D'Antoni was due around $9 million for the remainding 2 seasons of his contract with the Suns. It is unknown whether or not D'Antoni could stay with the Suns for sure, as he and general manager Steve Kerr were differing in philosophies. However, the heart and soul of their team in star point guard Steve Nash had this to say yesterday:
"This is the last thing I'm going to say about our coaching situation: Mike's my coach," Nash said. "So I expect to see Mike back here next year. And I know there's a lot of stuff going on right now, but Mike's my coach. I love playing for him. I expect to see him back in October."
Steve Kerr better hope he did not anger Steve Nash. In fact, I would not at all be surprised to see Nash wanting to join D'Antoni in the future, because D'Antoni's offense brings out the best of Nash's abilities. A slower pace, defensive-minded gameplan will likely be what Kerr brings in for the Suns, and that will not be good for Nash.

So, what can he do with this Knicks team that went 23-59 last year? Get them to 30 wins? Maybe. Is that worth the $6 million he will be earning? Nope. I assume that the Knicks will try to make a major acquisition or two to accomodate D'Antoni's uptempo basketball, but their trade chips are quite weak at the time being.

He's not going to find an Amare Stoudemire down low with the two sluggish players in Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph. They still have a bunch of guards that all do the same thing: shoot, a lot. While that is what D'Antoni wants out of the shooting guard position, Steve Nash setting everybody up at point guard for the Suns made that offense so special. The Knicks do not have a distributor or smart point guard like that.

Stephon Marbury could be back, and he's a shoot-first point guard well past his prime(but don't tell him that).

Jamal Crawford is a very talented scorer, but he's really more of a combo guard. I think he can thrive in this system with his athetlicism, ability to push the ball, and shoot the three, but he's not a distributor that will control the offense.

All I know is if D'Antoni can turn this team around with their current roster, he's not worth just $6 million, he deserves a raise. If he doesn't? What does he care? He's getting $6 million a year.

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Another example of why women shouldn't drive.

Posted by Steve Wisniewski | 5/10/2008 12:52:00 PM

Just kidding ladies, I know a few of you can drive...decently.

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Emmanuelle Chriqui

This Canadian babe of Moroccan descent makes me think of something Lloyd Christmas said in Dumb And Dumber: "I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her." My feelings exactly.
Emmanuelle is better known by many as "Sloan" from Entourage. Hopefully that bastard Eric starts dating her again so we can see her hot ass more. She's also been in movies such as On The Line where she is the love interest of Lance Bass(Yes, I saw it, and no, I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that...), Waiting, and 100 Girls.
FHM recently released their "100 Sexiest Women Of 2008" list, and Emmanuelle ranked 6th. Her thigh is finally getting the recognition it so rightly deserves.

The Mariners-Rangers game last night certainly had some fireworks! Rangers second baseman Ian Kinsler hit a 2-run homer off of Felix Hernandez, and then King Felix hit him with a heater in the next at bat. Well, Richie Sexson then got a high fastball from Rangers pitcher Kason Gabbard, which he apparently thought was intentional, charged the mound, threw his helmet at Gabbard, and then tackled him!
The guy that put this video up recorded it right after the brawl started, and it takes a few minutes for the replay of that to show, but it's worth watching everything up until then anyway. The best part of the video is Milton Bradley holding his teammate Gerald Laird back, yelling at him to not go back and fight. Milton Bradley! Maybe all of these years of anger management finally paid off for him.

Update(5/9, 2:45 PM): Richie Sexson was suspended 6 games.

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