August 2008 | Sharapova's Thigh

At more than one point in the last 3-7 years I've wanted to be Matt Leinart. Getting chicks like crazy, wins ballgames, win trophies, and that dreamy smile. What more could you want? After watching USC trounce Virginia yesterday I realized something:

Matt Leinart is a loser.

This realization has probably been brewing up in my skull for quite some time, but it's official now. The progression goes something like this: If Mark Sanchez can lead a young USC team any schmuck can. Five minutes later my girlfriend goes, "Wait, was that Matt Leinart in House Bunny? For a second I was confused because he and Kurt Warner sort of look alike."

If you go to USC you are an NFL QB automatically. Carson Palmer, Todd Marinovich, John David Booty. Fuck even Matt Cassel and he didn't even start at the University of Spoiled Children!!! Some of them are actually good, most aren't. They key is that most of them are not complete douchebags, except Leinart.

The argument can be made that Leinart has talent equal to Carson Palmer. Either way, they are on two of the five most talented offensive teams in the NFL. Palmer's had success, Leinart can't even keep his job. He loses it every year. He seriously looks like he's been spending too much time at the ASU sorority houses.

NEWSFLASH MATT: YOU DON'T SHARE A STADIUM WITH THE SUNDEVILS ANYMORE. YOUR STADIUM IS ON THE OTHER FUCKING SIDE OF TOWN. YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE IN TEMPE BONING 18 YEAR OLDS.


And oh by the way, he does sort of look like Kurt Warner....or his son.

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Let's talk about college football, week 1

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 8/31/2008 12:00:00 PM | , , ,


I'd like to say this will become a weekly thing, but let's be realistic...I'm lazy. And a drinker. Possibly a fiend, too. But for week one, we're golden.

  • The ACC really showed up, didn't they? NC State gets shutout by the South Carolina Gamecocks, Virginia Tech upset by East Carolina, the "cream of the conference" Clemson gets absolutely annihilated by Alabama...they did get that quality win from Wake Forest over Baylor though!! Let's end the charade, people. The ACC is not now nor has it ever been a power football conference. For the ACC champion to get a spot in a BCS bowl is ridiculous. For instance, the Clemson Tigers who looked like a High School team last night against Alabama still has a really good chance to make the Orange Bowl. Have you seen their schedule? It's laughable. Although I'm sure the Citadel and South Carolina State will give them a run for their money.
  • The Big Ten, again, is going to be down. Michigan loses at home to Utah...geez. I doubt that there are as many people in Utah as were in the Big House Saturday and the Utes came in and got the victory. Wisconsin's okay, Penn State is probably over-rated, Illinois looked absolutely lost on defense...they'll fill out all their bowl slots in underwhelming fashion. At least Ohio State has to play USC this year during the regular season. After USC beats them by three TDs, hopefully we'll all be spared another BCS title game appearance by tOSU, and subsequently be spared another 40 point trouncing.
  • How about USC? They have third stringers that would start on almost every other team in the country. Mark Sanchez looked really strong and showed great arm strength and mobility. The stable of running backs USC has is absolutely incredible. I'm pretty confident that USC could have covered the three TD spread without having to pass the ball at all against Virginia (another school from that power ACC). Barring a colossal meltdown against Ohio State, USC looks poised to go for it's second national championship. Some will say third, but they only one the BCS title once before. Saying they were the two time champions was something done to create interest: if the BCS determines the championship, then how can you call the person who finished number one in the -other-, non BCS poll the champion?
  • Some quick thoughts: Pitt gets beaten by Bowling Green...nice call on that BCS appearance, Mark May; Florida unloads on Hawaii - this Tebow kid? He can throw too; Texas A&M loses to Arkansas State...yea. Everything is bigger in Texas, even the sucking; LSU shows how a real team handles a I-AA...or FBS...or FCS...what in the hell is it? LSU takes App State behind the woodshed; I won't lie, watching Illinois lose made me smile.

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Joanna Krupa
Joanna is a 29-year-old Polish-American model and actress, although every TV or movie role she's earned is certainly due to that amazing body, not her ability to act.

Let's face it, when you saw her in Legally Blonde or Planet of the Apes, were you paying attention to her acting skills? Of course not, your eyes were focused directly on her world class thigh.

From 2002-2003, Joanna was a juggy dancer on The Man Show, an absolutely perfect role for her if you ask me. Carolla, Kimmel, beer, this chick... that must've been a fun show to be around.

Other tidbits... she was in the July 2005 issue of Playboy. During 2004-2005, the German Maxim voted her "Model of the Year". They better give her some serious consideration for the '08 campaign.

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Maria Sharapova out for the year

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 8/28/2008 11:44:00 AM | , , , ,


USA Today is reporting that Maria Sharapova is out for the rest of the tennis season with the shoulder injury that caused her to withdraw from competition earlier this year. In part:

Maria Sharapova is unlikely to return to the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour this year, her longtime agent, Max Eisenbud, said Wednesday. The reigning Australian Open champion pulled out of the Beijing Olympics and the U.S. Open after an MRI exam in Montreal this month revealed two small tears in her right shoulder.


I didn't know that tennis had seasons. Regardless, the good news is that the thigh appears to be intact.


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8 gold medals will get you some pretty nice opportunities.This will be the first episode of the new season of Saturday Night Live. I think Phelps could be pretty good on this. He's a goofy son of a bitch and I'm sure they'll get some nice sketches for him. Also, NBC knows what this guy did for their ratings over the last couple of weeks, and are banking on him doing the same for SNL while his popularity will never be higher:

NBC'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE' RETURNS ON SEPTEMBER 13 WITH OLYMPIC PHENOMENON MICHAEL PHELPS & MUSICAL GUEST LIL WAYNE
Published: August 27, 2008


NEW YORK – August 27, 2008 – "Saturday Night Live" makes its 34th season premiere on Saturday, September 13 featuring two of the biggest names of the summer – Michael Phelps and hip-hop superstar Lil Wayne.

US Olympic swimming phenomenon Michael Phelps will make his acting debut hosting the season premiere hot off his record-shattering performance in Beijing.

The SNL season premiere kicks off four live shows in a row, a rare practice that generated momentum for the show this past spring when the show returned after the WGA Strike-imposed hiatus. All told, seven all-new SNL’s will air on Saturdays prior to the election.

Phelps went a perfect 8-for-8 in Beijing, breaking Mark Spitz's single-Games record for most gold medals won. In addition, Phelps broke another Olympics record, becoming the most decorated Olympian in history, winning a stunning 14 career gold medals. Phelps currently holds seven world records in swimming.

Unprecedented millions tuned in to watch Phelps in action, from the US Swim Team’s explosive victory over the French in the 4x100m freestyle relay, by just .08 of a second; to Phelps’ record-demolishing performance in the 4x200m freestyle relay breaking the record by more than four seconds and his seventh gold medal win, beating Serbia’s Milorad Cavic by the slimmest and most dramatic margin imaginable – one-one-hundredth of a second.

Joining Phelps and also making his SNL debut is hip-hop superstar Lil Wayne.

Not only one of the best rappers of his generation, Lil Wayne is arguably the biggest story in music for 2008. His sixth album “Tha Carter III” sold over 1 million copies in its first week of release, a feat not achieved since 2005’s “The Massacre” by 50 Cent. “Tha Carter III” has blazed up the singles charts as well with three top-five singles in “Lollipop,” “A Milli” and “Got Money.” In addition to the platinum debut numbers for the CD, Wayne is a tireless performer so prolific that in 2007, Vibe magazine ranked and graded songs to which Wayne contributed and the list was 77 songs long. Wayne is a constant presence on the internet, releasing his own mixtapes for free on a regular basis. He has been one of GQ’s “Men of the Year” for 2007 and was named the “Best Rock Star Alive” by Blender magazine (2008). Rolling Stone may have said it best: “The self-proclaimed greatest rapper proves he wasn’t kidding.”

In addition to the revved-up Saturday schedule, “SNL” is ready for primetime with "Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursday." Three LIVE primetime half-hours beginning October 9 at 9:30pm ET. These primetime special editions will be anchored by the show's signature “Weekend Update.” This marks a return to the NBC Thursday night lineup for “SNL,” which produced similar live "Update"-centered broadcasts in 2001.

“Saturday Night Live” is from SNL Studios in association with Broadway Video. The creator and executive producer is Lorne Michaels. Steve Higgins produces. Marci Klein and Mike Shoemaker are producers. Seth Meyers is head writer. Don Roy King directs.

Link

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It's Clapp not Baron posting this now(Baron originally posted it in March)...
Decided to bump this blog. I was curious to see how wrong those of us that participated in these predictions were, and oh were we wrong for the most part. Hey, everybody was picking the Mariners, Indians, and company.


Regular Season


BaronBzClappPoorly
Acquitted
Rad McDudeRoddick's
Knee
Yossarian
NL
West
DodgersDodgersD-BacksRockiesD-BacksD-BacksD-Backs
NL
Central
CubsCubsCubsCubsCubsCubsCubs
NL
East
MetsBravesMetsMetsMetsPhilliesMets
NL WildcardPhilliesMetsDodgersDodgersBravesMetsBrewers
AL
West
AngelsAngelsMarinersAngelsMarinersMarinersMariners
AL
Central
TigersTigersIndiansIndiansTigersTigersTigers
AL
East
Red SoxRed SoxRed SoxRed SoxRed SoxRed SoxRed Sox
AL WildcardIndiansYankeesTigersTigersYankeesIndiansYankees

Playoffs

BaronBzClappPoorly
Acquitted
Rad McDudeRoddick's
Knee
Yossarian
NLDS
(1 vs 4)
Cubs
over Phillies
Cubs
over Mets
Cubs
over Dodgers
Rockies
over Cubs
Mets
over Cubs
Phillies
over D-Backs
Cubs
over
D-Backs
NLDS
(2 vs 3)
Dodgers
over Mets
Dodgers
over Braves
D-Backs
over Mets
Mets
over Dodgers
D-Backs
over Mets
Mets
over Cubs
Mets
over Brewers
ALDS
(1 vs 4)
Red
Sox over Indians
Tigers
over Yankees
Red
Sox over Tigers
Indians
over Angels
Red
Sox over Mariners
Tigers
over Mariners
Tigers
over Yankees
ALDS (2 vs 3)Tigers
over Angels
Red
Sox over Angels
Indians
over Mariners
Red
Sox over Tigers
Tigers
over Yankees
Red
Sox over Indians
Red
Sox over Indians
NLCSCubs
over Dodgers
Cubs
over Dodgers
D-Backs
over Cubs
Mets
over Rockies
Mets
over D-Backs
Phillies
over Mets
Cubs
over Mets
ALCSRed
Sox over Tigers
Tigers
over Red Sox
Red
Sox over Indians
Red
Sox over Indians
Tigers
over Red Sox
Red
Sox over Tigers
Tigers
over Red Sox
World
Series
Cubs
over Red Sox
Cubs
and Tigers planes crash
Red
Sox over D-Backs
Red
Sox over Mets
Tigers
over Mets
Red
Sox over Phillies
Cubs
over Tigers

Awards

Baron
BzClappPoorly
Acquitted
Rad McDudeRoddick's
Knee
Yossarian
NL
MVP
David
Wright
Aramis Ramirez
David
Wright
Matt
Holliday
Mark
Teixeira
Chase
Utley
Ryan
Braun
AL
MVP
Alex
Rodriguez
Miguel
Cabrera
Miguel
Cabrera
Victor
Martinez
Miguel
Cabrera
Manny
Ramirez
Alex
Rodriguez
NL
Batting
Title
Matt
Holliday
David
Wright
Derrek
Lee
Matt
Holliday
Chase
Utley
Chase
Utley
Derrek
Lee
AL Batting TitleIchiro
Suzuki
Miguel
Cabrera
Miguel
Cabrera
Magglio
Ordonez
Miguel
Cabrera
Ichiro
Suzuki
Ichiro
Suzuki
NL
Home Run
Leader
Ryan
Howard
Alfonso
Soriano
Ryan
Howard
Ryan
Howard
Ryan
Howard
Ryan
Howard
Ryan
Howard
AL
Home Run
Leader
Alex
Rodriguez
Alex
Rodriguez
Alex
Rodriguez
Alex
Rodriguez
Alex
Rodriguez
David
Ortiz
Alex
Rodriguez
NL
Cy Young
Jake
Peavy
Johan
Santana
Carlos
Zambrano
Johan
Santana
Johan
Santana
Carlos
Zambrano
Johan
Santana
AL
Cy Young
C.C.
Sabathia
C.C.
Sabathia
Justin
Verlander
Fausto
Carmona
Justin
Verlander
Erik
Bedard
Josh
Beckett
NL
ROY
Kosuke
Fukudome
Julio
Franco
Kosuke
Fukudome
Andrew
Miller
Kosuke
Fukudome
Henry
Rowengartner
Geovany
Soto
AL
ROY
Jacoby
Ellsbury
Billy
Crystal
Jacoby
Ellsbury
Evan
Longoria
Jacoby
Ellsbury
Jacoby
Ellsbury
Clay
Buchholz

Random Awards

Baron
Bz
Clapp
Poorly
Acquitted
Rad McDudeRoddick's
Knee
Yossarian
1st
Tommy John
Brett
Myers
Ben
Sheets
Mark
Prior
Kenny
Rogers
Dusty
Baker, or one of his Reds
Tommy
John
Aaron
Harang
1st
Steroid
Suspension
Albert
Pujols
Bud
Selig
David
Eckstein
No
Regulars/Starters
Ryan
Theriot
Koby
Clemens
Ryan
Theriot
1st
Player
Anna Benson Sleeps With
Kris
Benson
Antonio
Alfonseca
Jamie
Moyer
Philly
Phanatic
Ryan
Theriot
John
Kruk
Ryne
Sandberg's
Wife Or David Wells
Over/Under Nomar DL time (60 days)Over
Over
Over
Over
Over,
big toe or big nose fractures
Over
Under
Over/Under
Date Orioles Are Eliminated (8/15)
Under
Under
Under
Under
August
15th? Generous, under!
Under
Under
Biggest
Move
Before Deadline
Brian
Roberts To Cubs (oops)
Fuck
If I Know
Brian
Roberts
To Cubs
Mets
Getting Another Bat
Carl
Crawford out of TB
Kris
Benson
Joe
Crede To
Giants
Who
Will Sign
Barry Bonds
Tampa
Bay Rays
Collusion
Nobody
The
Moon
The
Law Firm of Canseco, McGuire, and Sosastein
California
Penal League
Fat
Head
Posters
Suspended
First: Elijah Dukes Or
Delmon Young
Dukes
Young
Dukes
Trick
Question. Dukes can't be suspended if he's already in jail.
Dukes
for assault
with "deadly" glove on Young
Dukes:
assault/battery on Anna
Benson.
Young
Best
Team In
Chicago
Cubs
Cubs
Cubs
Cubs
Fukudome's
Translators
Cubs
Cubs
Best
Team In
New York
Mets
Mets
Mets
Mets
No
Comment
Mets
Yankees
Best
Offseason Move
Erik
Bedard To Mariners
Miguel
Cabrera
To Tigers
Miguel
Cabrera To Tigers
Bartolo
Colon To Red Sox
Cabrera/Willis
to Tigers
Erik
Bedard To Mariners
Johan
Santana
To Mets
Worst
Offseason Move
White
Sox Keeping Juan Uribe.
Orioles
Not
Trading Brian Roberts To Cubs
Kaz
Matsui To
Astros
Tigers
essentially swapping Andrew Miller for Dontrelle Willis
Orioles
holding on
to Brian Roberts
I
Misremember
Prince
Fielder
Becoming A Vegetarian. That's A Joke.
Least Valuable Player

Cristian
Guzman

Ryan
Theriot

Cesar
Izturis

Dontrelle
Willis

Jose
Guillen

LaTroy
Hawkins

Jason
Kendall

So I just had a blog ready, ripping on NBC for having this game tape delayed... but it's not. Thankfully.

I'm a little drunk by the way, a good 6 beers deep and counting. So this could get interesting.

We destroyed Spain in the preliminary round, winning 119-82. Spain will also be without point guard Jose Calderon, who also plays for the Toronto Raptors. They're in the NBA if you've never heard of them. I don't think half the league knows they exist.

So, this is set up for us to kick some Spanish ass. Are you with me? Let's win this bitch!

1st Quarter

Tipoff: LeBron drills a 3 to open it up, but Pau Gasol comes right back with an "and one". 3-3. Howard gets fouled, splits the free throws which is good for him it seems these days, and Pau follows with a dunk. 5-4 Spain. Now Jason Kidd makes a layup, 6-5 USA.. and a foul on LeBron, #2. FUCK! 2 free throws for somebody on Spain, 7-6 them.

6:00: Have you ever heard of a boxout Carmelo? Get your head out of your ass. 10-9 Spain. Now Kobe with 2 fouls and this one on a 3-point shot? What's up 2004 USA team? 15-11, 4 points is either tied for the most, or the most points USA's been down the whole tournament.

5:00: Dwyane Wade lays it in... and the foul(marv albert voice)! But Spain comes right now to score, and now Juan Carlos Navarro, comes down and hits a shot right away. These fuckers are playing transition ball with us! Dammit! But CP3 comes down, lays it in and gets to the line, hits the free throw. Ricky Rubio hurt, and that's huge with Calderon out. Their third string point guard is in. 21-17 Spain.

4:00: Chris Paul came to play tonight. Now hits a ridiculously difficult shot off the backboard, and hits the free throw. 22-20.

3:45: Pau Gasol gets about 8,000 offensive rebounds on one play, but doesn't score. USA with their good transition game, gets the ball into Bosh quickly, and he gets himself to the line. First one, yeah that's good bitch. Second, you bet. How about this, the USA making free throws! Tied game!

2:58: Raul Lopez, the third string point guard on Spain picks up his third foul! KILL THEM AMERICA!

2:30: Dwyane Wade with a steal and a reverse dunk! Oh that shit was great. Then Garbajosa, former Raptor like Calderon who's now going to play overseas because he's a douche hits a 3. 28-25 USA.

2:00: A few things happened... including Ricky Rubio's 2nd foul. Marc Gasol is in for Spain and gets a layup. Now some asshole on Spain tried to murder Dwyane Wade. He hits both freebies. 33-27 America.

1:00: Now Marc Gasol with a drop step and takes Chris Bosh to the hole like it's nothing. That can't happen!

End of 1st quarter: D Motherfucking Wade for 3! Then a great steal and goes up for the dunk but loses control of the ball and the first quarter is over. What a game we have ahead it appears. 38-31 USA.

2nd Quarter

1o:00: Craig Sager interviewing USA women's basketball member Lisa Leslie... she couldn't remember LeBron James' name. Tayshaun Prince I could see, but the King? Somebody hits a 3 for the USA, I think it was Kobe. Kobe then with what they called a flagrant apparently on Pau Gasol. Gasol does his best Ben Wallace impression at the line, misses both. Kobe... SLAM BITCH!
43-31 Red white and blue!

8:00: Pau Gasol misses, but his less talented brother Marc doesn't. Kobe for 3! 46-33. SWEEP THE LEG!

7:00 Spain guard and future member of the Portland Trailblazers Rudy Fernandez hits a 3. That son of a bitch. Oden better give him a nice kick to the nutsack when he heads this way.

6:00: Pau Gasol tries to take Dwight Howard to the basket... not happening. Then Chris Paul with a sick pass from halfcourt on an alley-oop to Kobe! If I'm getting any of the players wrong by the way, please excuse me, this game is like rapid fire and it's hard doing this blog and watch completely at the same time.

5:00: LeBron in the open court... have fun with that Spain! Incredible take, AND ONE! Except he clanks the free throw. I missed a couple plays before that cuz I went to get another Dos Equis(stay thirsty my friends). D Wade with a steal and dunk!

4:00: Wade for 3! 18 points in 8 and a half minutes off the bench. Then Wade drives, dishes, LeBron for 3! World domination! 58-46. Now Rudy Fernandez hits a 3... you can do the math.

2:40: Tayshaun Prince with a great tip-in. Everything is going well at the moment for the USA. Their 3-point shooting in particular has been tremendous thus far, and it had been crappy all tournament. A couple free throws for a Spaniard. 60-51.

2:00: DWYANE WADE HAVE MY BABIES! 3! 7-7! 21 POINTS! Of course, that bitch Rudy Fernandez comes down and drills a 3 himself. Make that 2 kicks to the nutsack Oden. CP3 with a couple freebies, Reyes not sure of the first name but it's not Jose with a layup. Sloppy defense. Defense has been winning our games, creating turnovers and playing transition ball. Not doing it enough tonight. Thankfully we're hitting 3's and free throws.

1:10: 67-58, and Deron Williams with an inexcusable straddling(not Jenna Jameson style) of halfcourt, gets called for backcourt. Somebody with a foul, Bitch(that's his new name) Fernandez with a free throw, and another. Oden...

End of half: Deron Williams misses a 3, but Tayshaun Prince with a nice offensive board. By the way, I like D-Will and better say that right now before Baron hops on here and kills me. Chris Paul gets the ball, draws a foul, first free throw is good, second is too. USA shooting 67% from the field, but only up 8, that shows how their defensive effort hasn't been up to par. On cue a steal by Wade, a 3 at the buzzer... no good. USA with their favorite number 69, Spain 61 at half. Now, time to get another drink or two in at half.

If you've watched the other games we've played in the tournament, you know we played incredible defense, but sucked on free throws and three-point shooting. That's the complete opposite of how things are going in this one. Very physical game though, it's not like these guys aren't trying on defense. I think we're gonna kick their ass in the 2nd half, but we'll see.

Jim Lampley just said this is on pace to be the highest scoring basketball game in olympic history.

3rd Quarter

10:00:
Coach K told Sager, "We have to play better defense without fouling." Completely agree with that. That Reyes fellow hits a shot off a turnover, and another USA turnover.

8:40: Sloppy on both sides.

8:00
: Melo misses a 3 but Howard with the offensive board and puts it in. Spain comes down with easy points. Travel on Kobe, Mike Breen(the pbp guy) thought it was an And One. Sigh(chugs drink).

7:30: Gasol with a pretty left-handed jump hook from the baseline and we have a fucking 4 point game! Son of a bitch. Howard's going to the line... I'm not looking forward to it. Sure enough, clank, and I'm expecting another one. Yep misses again, BUT MELO COMES OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A TIP IN AND THE FOUL! Hit the freebie Melo, hit the freebie. Nope. Back to sucking at free-throw shooting. 73-67.

6:40: Juan Carlos Navarro makes a shot, LeBron misses, Spain misses, but Dwight Howard with a facial Peter North style all over Spain. Then Juan Carlos Navarro scores again. I can't keep up with this shit, geez. I don't even know the score. Coach K calls a timeout.

5:30: Carmelo makes a layup off a steal from Bosh(I think), but he's hurt... his hand it looks like. 77-71. 77-73 now.

4:30: The USA looks like the team that's losing right now. You can see it in their faces.

4:00: LeBron with a circus shot, then Marc Gasol with an easy layup. What the fuck? Then LeBron comes right down with the left hand layup and the foul. But misses the free throw! 6 point lead.

3:44: The tenacity on each side is picking up. They're all over the floor. Marc Gasol going to the line. Miss. I predict another! And I'm done predicting for the night, 5 point game.

3:00: Chris Bosh makes 2 free throws! Something else happens, then Wade with an MJ-esque fadeaway jumper. 86-76 USA.

1:50: Juan Carlos Navarro is not getting a Christmas card from me this year. Deron Williams i think they said scored, now he gets a steal, comes down on the break and hits a shot and the foul... or not, CHARGING? ARE YOU JOSHING ME? LOOK AT THE FEET MOVING ASSHOLE! SET MY ASS!

End of 3rd quarter: Juan Carlos Navarro hits a buzzer-beating layup. 91-82. I'm nervous.

4th Quarter

10:00:
Deron Williams misses a layup on a 3 on 2, then LeBron gets called for his 3rd foul. 91-84. Kobe misses a 3. Fuckkkkk.

8:00: All hell has broken loose. We can't hit a 3 to save our lives now, and Spain comes right down with Bitch Fernandez and hits a 3 to make it a 2 POINT GAME! Unreal. My buddy Koz says, "Why the fuck isn't Tayshaun on Fernandez?" I agree.

7:00: 4 fouls on LeBron, 1 more and he's gone. 93-89. Bitch Fernandez misses a 3. D WILL FOR 3 BITCH! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!! 96-89!

6:30: Dwight Howard big dunk! Then Bitch Fernandez for 3, nope, but offensive board Spain back to Fernandez wide open again, hits it. PLAY DEFENSE ASSHOLES! KOBE FOR 3! THE WORLD IS UP FOR GRABS!

6:00: We scored again, but Rudy Fernandez with the dunk of the tourney, posterizing Howard, and the foul. Hits the free throw. Okay Oden... KILL HIM.

4:30: Up 8 I believe, the Hack-A-Howard is on. As Koz says, "Somebody call Habitat For Humanity, Dwight is about to contribute two more bricks." Clank on the first... and HITS THE 2ND! HOLY SHIT!

4:00: 104-97. Paul misses a 3, shit.

3:30: Somebody on the USA is thrown to the ground, no foul call! Then Marc Gasol and is stupid haircut hit a jumper. KOBE FOR 3 AND THE FOUL HOLY SHIT!!! And Bitch Fernandez with the foul, he's done! Kobe hits the free throw, 108-99. I used to hate Kobe more than anybody around... not anymore. That bitch Navarro again! 108-101.

2:00: Spain for 3... 4 point game. Hold me. D FUCKING WADE FOR 3 THE MAN IS A BEAST! IT'S DWYANE WADE'S WORLD AND WE'RE ALL JUST LUCKY TO BE LIVING IN IT!

1:49: Free throw hit by Spain, then miss, but Paul goes for the rebound and Spain throws it off him to get the ball back. Missed 3 wide open, Jimenez.

1:00: Kobe with a runner! Yes! Now we got the ball back, 113-105 the clock is running, no fouls yet, finally a foul by Navarro on Paul with 47.7.

47.7: Paul hits both, 8-8. Thighs of the Week, your new mission is pleasuring Chris Paul. Marc Gasol puts in a layup. 32.9 left. 115-107.

26:1: WE'RE GETTING THE GOLD! AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is awesome. "U-S-A!" chants in the arena. The players are going nuts, I've got chills.

Final Score: 118-107.


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Keeley Hazell
The first sentence on Keeley Hazell's Wikipedia page: "Keeley Rebecca Hazell(born on 18 September 1986) is an English Page 3 Girl and glamour model noted for her large, natural breasts (UK bra size 32E)."

So yeah, she's a model in England, just like the luscious thighs of the week Abbey Clancy, and Gemma Atkinson. She's all over the magazine covers there, and will actually be in the September 2008 Playboy.

And maybe for what Keeley is most famous for, especially online...
In 2006, Keeley and her ex(what in the flying fuck is wrong with you dude?)-boyfriend Lloyd Miller made a sex tape, which was released in 2007 and became quite the craze on the Internet.

She has tons of awards for her super hotness: #1 in Zoo's "Britain's 10 Sexiest Models, #1 in Zoo's "100 Sexiest Bodies" of 2005 and 2006, #2 in FHM's "100 Sexiest Women in the World " in 2006 and 2007, and #3 in the same award in 2008. I could go on and on, but you get the point. People love that body, and like me, would probably do anything to get a taste of that thigh.

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One of my favorite SNL skits of all-time. Dana Carvey is Massive Head Wound Harry:



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Getting our Drink on- Beer :30 Light

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 8/20/2008 09:44:00 PM | , , , ,

You know, school is about to start back for me. That means any number of things. I'll be buying trapper keepers (because I'm 6), binders, notebooks, and condoms in preparation for another year of learning. But the unfortunate side-effect of this trip to the Utopia that is the University of South Carolina School of Law (I'm a genius, and I'm 6. And I think that's a misplaced comma) is that I'm not going to have the same amount of time to "get my drink on".

And that's where this tasty treat comes in. Next time you're sitting there and wondering "is it the right time to drink?", crack open a Beer :30. You see, with Beer :30, anytime is the right time.

Getting past the awesomeness that is their catch-phrase, we have to turn to the unfortunate issue that is the taste. When I bought this tasty treat from the local liquor store, one of the clerks told me that this drink reminded him of Amstel Light. I don't know about all that...I'm not a huge fan of Amstel Light by any means but that comparison doesn't seem to hold water. Maybe the Amstel light that the clerk at the store had partaken in before was poured through the dirty ass crack of a bum with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. If that were the case, I guess the comparison would hold water. Maybe.

The good news is that this beer is cheap. Dirt cheap. It only comes in 30 packs (that I've seen) and they cost somewhere between 14 and 15 dollars (in South Carolina). I figure that price could be lower in more developed states as we still transport our alcohol via covered wagon. So if you want some cheap, cheap piss, then Beer :30 is the drink for you. And for you health nuts, I think it only comes in "Light".

And remember...2 AM? 6 AM? 3:30 PM in the middle of a rough day in the office? -Anytime- is the right time.

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As you may or may not remember, we here at the Thigh ran all-day, live coverage during the MLB Trading Deadline.

I thought we had done a good job. I thought we were on top of things. Delivering insight and witty commentary to keep the reader enthralled.

So you can only imagine how devastated I was when I found someone who broke down the deadline with an amount of professionalism and insight that Clapp, Fella, and I can simply dream about.

I give you:



God help us all...

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Dwyane Wade and the USA will try to take down Australia in the Men's Quarterfinals.

Call me a gigantic nerd, but I really wanted to watch the USA-Australia quarterfinals game, so I slept a few hours, got up at 5:40 AM mountain time, and turned on the television channel USA(game starts in about 15 minutes, and it's also available to watch online).

I also know that few others will be doing the same thing, so I figured I'd do a running blog that can serve as a game recap for those who missed it.

Two other games have already happened this morning(for Americans), with Spain beating Croatia 72-59, and Lithuania beating China 94-68. Spain and Lithuania move on to the semifinals.

It's a one-and-done format, and Australia gave the USA their toughest competition in an exhibition game last week, with the USA only winning 87-76. That was also without Australia's best player, 7-footer and former first overall selection in the NBA Draft, Milwaukee Bucks center Andrew Bogut. So, although the USA's looked pretty much unbeatable thus far, they certainly must take Australia seriously or else they'll be going home.

Let's kick some Aussie ass Redeem Team...

1st Quarter

Mike Breen, arguably the best NBA play-by-play guy around will have the call, along with arguably the best analyst around and the guy we thought would be the new Bulls coach just a couple months ago, Doug Collins.

10:00- And we've tipped off. Bogut is stuffed by Dwight Howard, and Melo comes down and drains a jumper.

7:15- Dwight Howard is a beast out there right now. He's even 1 of 3 from the line! Seriously, if he could make free throws, he could score 30 points in these games. Howard has a block, offensive board, a steal now, and has gone to the line twice. Melo scores again, and Kobe adds in a jumper. 9-3 USA.

5:50- LeBron hits a 3, followed by a Howard dunk. They can't stop him. 14-6 Redeemers.

3:41- 2 players on Australia that I don't know the names of yet just hit 3's. Then Jason Kidd comes down and actually makes a jump shot. Howard's back at the line again. 1 of 2 for Howard, but the USA gets the offensive board, eventually Howard gets 2 more offensive rebounds on the possession and scores.

3:00- Australia hits another 3. D-Wade goes up for an alley-oop, can't handle the pass, and lands hard on the ground. The 3 people that are watching the game in Miami held their breath on that one.

2:00- Craig Sager just said Coach K told the team, "Stop being stupid." 21-17.

1:00- David Barlow of Australia has 7 points and they're only down 2. They've also missed plenty of easy opportunities around the basket. They should be winning this game...

0:50- Australia hits a couple freebies to tie it, then Melo comes down and drills a 3. 24-21 Americans.

End of the quarter- Patrick Mills, the Australia point guard, is having a heck of a game, and especially with his defensive pressure. He just hit a great shot driving to the basket and drew the foul, but missed the free throw. I've gotta say, I'm pretty worried. 25-24 USA, but they shouldn't be winning this game.

2nd Quarter

10:00- Bogut blows a 3-footer. He's normally good from that range! D-Wade looks fast beyond belief right now, and goes the length of the floor on the rebound for an and one! Now here comes the USA speed. LeBron-Wade connection on a fast break, 33-28.

6:30- Bogut with a pretty left-handed finger roll. Now Kobe's finally looking like the best player in the world. He goes up for a highlight reel "eat this bitch" dunk, then follows that up with a pass fake and lay up. 35-30 USA. I could see the USA going on a big run here. Their defensive tenacity is picking up.

5:45- LeBron's just a freak. He came out of nowhere to get a steal, then took some bitch straight to the hole. It should've been a foul too.

4:30- LeBron again straight to the basket, and gets fouled, but clanks the free throw. Missed free throws left and right so far for the USA. Now a little scuffle! Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't pick a fight with LeBron. Melo tosses in a couple free throws, 45-36.

3:35- Kobe... and one! Or not, because we missed another fucking free throw! 9-18 from the fucking line. I can shoot that after 9 beers. 47-40.

2:00- A Tayshaun Prince sighting... and he immediately comes in and bricks a free throw. How pathetic is this? Hits the 2nd though, 48-40.

1:30- We're something like 2 of 12 from 3-point range, to go with the great free throw shooting. Now Deron Williams has all day to shoot from behind the arc, another brick.

End of the half: Huge 3 at the buzzer from Deron Williams! 55-43 USA. This could be a lot closer. The USA is certainly not playing their best game, but Australia's blown their fair share of opportunites as well. Should be a kickass 2nd half.
A couple halftime notes... LeBron and Melo each have a game-high 12 points. The USA is destroying Australia on the boards, with 32 rebounds compared to 14.

3rd Quarter

9:30
- Kobe from way downtown, 58-43. Now Melo for 3. Here we go bitch! Let's destroy these fuckers! 61-43.

8:30- LeBron with the hustle play of the tournament, on his 4th steal of the game. Kobe gets fouled, splits the free throws. For chrissakes can anybody make 2 damn free throws in a row? Is that too much to ask? 62-43.

7:30- Kobe dicks around in the lane, eventually gets a fancy layup and draws the foul. In my best Bill Walton voice, "AND THE ROUT IS ON!" Kobe misses the free throw. This is piss poor. Thankfully they're still up 23...

6:30- Kobe for 3. It's 14-0 USA to start the 2nd half. They look like a completely different team, aside from, you know, making those tough free throws.

5:35- LeBron another offensive board, we're winning 17-2 in that category. He then puts in a layup, and is fouled, but guess what, misses the free throw! 71-48 red white and blue.

4:00- Andrew Bogut has a foot or ankle injury. I'm sure those Bucks diehards aren't liking this. Is there even a single Bucks fan out there? I've never seen one.

2:56- Dwyane Wade doing his best Pete Maravich impression with an incredible pass to Chris Bosh. It looks like Coach K's going to let Tayshaun Prince and company get most of the playing time to close out this blowout. 30 point lead.

End of 3rd quarter- 89-53, or something like that. It's a lot. Yawn.

4th Quarter

7:30-
Kobe hits one from the Great Wall. By the way, how much must it piss Craig Sager off that he can't wear one of his crazy suits? NBC's making him wear a polo shirt. I'm just waiting for him to say "fuck this", and show up for the next game in a pink suit and neon green tie.

5:00- Michael Redd for 3! I'm not gonna lie, I completely forgot he was on the team. 106-78.

The End: 116-85. Great game for the USA. Started out ugly, and the free throw shooting was putrid to say the least. But, the defense is just too damn good, and this team is too damn fast. They continue to create turnovers, and when they do, nobody can catch them on the fast break.
I've gotta say... I can't see this team losing. I hate saying that, but I really can't see it happening. Shit, I can't see them winning by less than 10.
We haven't seen Argentina play them yet, but Argentina's age has shown in the games I've watched thus far. They don't seem to have the same tenacity that drove teams nuts in previous years. They look old, slow, etc. We'll see though, and Argentina would be the next opponent, unless they can't beat Greece.

Update: I didn't see the game, but Argentina apparently beat Greece... but only by 2. Greece apparently had a game-winning attempt from behind the arc rim out. So the USA will take on Argentina next.

I'm watching the Brewers/Astros game on ESPN2, and they just said that Greg Maddux was traded from the Padres to the Dodgers .

The 42-year-old Maddux is 6-9 with a 3.99 ERA this season for the Padres. However, away from the pitcher-friendly Petco Park in San Diego, he's 3-5 with a 5.75 ERA. Of course, Dodger Stadium is a pitcher's park as well. He pitched at Dodger Stadium once this year against his new team, going 5 innings, allowing 2 hits, and no runs in a winning effort.

The future first-ballot Hall of Famer pitched for the Dodgers in the second half of 2006 after being acquired by the Chicago Cubs. He went 6-3 with a 3.30 ERA.

I think Maddux becomes their #3 pitcher, especially when looking forward to a very possible(in my opinion likely) playoff berth for the Dodgers. It sounds like Brad Penny might be done for the season due to a shoulder injury, and he's been awful this season regardless. Japanese rookie pitcher Hiroki Kuroda has been tremendous at home(5-1, 3.10 ERA), but is struggling on the road(2-7, 4.75 ERA). 20-year-old Clayton Kershaw will likely be a star and has looked tremendous in his last five starts, but he's still a 20-year-old kid.

More details to follow.

Update(8/19, 5 PM ET): The LA Times says the Padres will receive two players to be named later.

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The second best comedy on cable (behind The Office) is back for it's 4th season in exactly 18 days. It's the best show that no one knows about. Per wikipedia:

The show is about four friends in their late 20s who run an unsuccessfulIrish bar, "Paddy's Pub," in South Philadelphia. The series deals with a variety of controversial topics, including abortion, gun control, physical disabilities, racism, sexism, religion, the Israeli/Palestinian situation, terrorism, transsexuality, slavery, incest, sexual harassment in education, the homeless, statutory rape, drug addiction, pedophilia, nuclear proliferation in North Korea, child abuse, mental illness, gay rights, bulimia, prostitution and Nazism.

The cast will set out to fuck each other over for personal gain, with many plot twists and much dark humor.



More from Wikipedia:

Main cast

* Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds: Dennis is Paddy's co-owner and Dee's twin brother. He is a vain, self-absorbed prep and a self-described "ladies' man". Dennis' self-esteem is derived chiefly from his appearance, so he takes criticism of his looks very poorly. A running joke throughout season three showed Dennis constantly removing his shirt to display his physique. Dennis was popular in high school, but his prom date dumped him for another man. Despite making less than $400 a week at the bar, his family's wealth enables Dennis to wear stylish clothing and drive a Range Rover. He earned good grades at the University of Pennsylvania and minored in psychology, though his original ambition was to become a veterinarian. He listens to hair metal and Rick Astley.

* Kaitlin Olson as Deandra[5] "Sweet Dee" Reynolds: Dee is Dennis's twin sister and a bartender at Paddy's. She dropped out of Penn (where she had majored in psychology but failed her classes) to become an actress, but has put little effort into realizing her ambition. Although she identifies herself as a compassionate liberal, she will always put herself first and often has the same prejudices as her friends and brother. She is highly sensitive about her appearance and her professional failings. She was unpopular in high school due to her severe scoliosis, which forced her to wear a back brace and earned her the nickname "The Aluminum Monster". Since high school, she has had a long string of failed relationships. Like the other members of the gang, she drinks heavily, especially to calm herself after meeting an attractive man. Deandra also harbors a phobia regarding the elderly. Despite her many insecurities, Dee is aggressively outspoken and prone to violence when angered. Dee was the only major character in the show to be conceived without an actor in mind. Although Deandra was originally written as a female voice of sanity to contrast with her ill-intentioned co-stars, the character became an equal participant in the gang's illicit and morally questionable activities after Olson was cast.[6]

* Rob McElhenney as Mac: Mac is Charlie's friend from childhood and Dennis' high school friend, later roommate. He is co-owner of Paddy's and generally the pub's most active manager. He comes from a broken home, as his father was an incarcerated meth dealer, and Mac sold drugs to popular students in high school to gain their friendship. Mac constantly seeks the acceptance of others, especially his parents, but his over-earnest efforts more often than not cause him to be considered an "asshole". Mac also makes frequent attempts to be "hard", usually to impress his criminal father, but he generally flees from confrontation and fares poorly in fights. Mac is Catholic and the only member of the group to profess a religious faith, but this has done little to affect his general lack of ethics. He is also the only member of the main cast whose full name is not known.

* Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly: Charlie is Mac's childhood friend and a co-owner of Paddy's. He is a volatile loser who displays little ability to cope with day-to-day problems. In addition, he lives in filth and frequently abuses inhalants. His apartment is often referred to by friends and acquaintances as a "shit hole." Throughout the show, Charlie shows signs of several learning disabilities, including dyslexia, and is often accused of being "retarded" and illiterate by other characters. All of the most tedious and disgusting tasks at the bar are called "Charlie Work", even when he is temporarily spared from performing them. He tends to squander the little money he earns from the bar on "bad investments." He has an extremely short fuse and is prone to Al Pacino-styled outbursts. Mac and Dennis frequently manipulate him into tests of his fortitude, and consider him to be almost impossible to injure. Charlie has no success in dating, and harbors an unrequited crush on a cafe waitress. Despite his apparent lack of intelligence, Charlie is the most skilled musician, even so far as to imply that he is a savant, in the group and has concocted elaborate plans to achieve his desires. He spent the majority of his life without a father figure until the finale episode of season two, when he learned that his father is Frank Reynolds.

* Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds: Frank is the legal father of Dennis and Dee. He is a successful businessman and has a long history of shady business endeavors. He was introduced in the first episode of the second season as a man undergoing a midlife crisis. He divorced Dennis and Dee's mother and decided to join in his children's lazy, scheming lifestyle. Frank became co-owner of Paddy's by purchasing land underneath it, and then using this leverage to forcibly join the gang. Frank styles himself a master manipulator and frequently takes the lead in the group's schemes. Frank knows many sordid characters around town, including a ring of dangerous, Asian gamblers. He claims to have his children's best interests at heart but frequently exploits and insults them. During the second season finale he discovers that Dennis and Dee are not actually his children, but that he is the biological father of Charlie following a one night stand with Charlie's mother 30 years ago.




If you haven't watched the show you need to tune in. I promise you you'll laugh...but like you've just been told a dead baby joke. If you dig awkwardness and politically incorrect humor then this needs to be programmed into your Tivo.

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