Here is a list of people who are pissing me off today. We'll call it Asshole of the Day...unfortunately, there's so many assholes in this world, giving out only 1 just won't do.
AOTD #1: Thom Brenneman
-I think Thom Brenneman wants to marry Tim Tebow. Hey, did you know since winning the National Championship last night, Tim Tebow has cured cancer, converted and circumsized 30,000 Filipino boys, discovered Noah’s Ark, and starred in National Treasure 3: Tim Tebow’s Fake Internet Girlfriend’s Tits. Good lord, Thom…I’ve seen pornos with cleaner dialogues than the pro-Tebow junk you spouted all last night. And I LIKE Tebow. Have fun cleaning that T.B. spooge off your back, Tim.
By the way, these things seriously ARE a national treasure. Find me 5 other women in America where I could play with those, then sit in for a set with Neil Pert and Rush for some wicked drum solos. I dare you.
AOTD #2: Fox
-American Idol is back already? Haven’t we killed this program off yet? How many people could possibly be left in this country that can fucking sing? How has anybody that still has enough talent to “win” this insanely retarded popularity contest not tried out already at this point? Jesus tittyfucking Christ.
How much further can Simon Cowell take it at this point? We’re two seasons away from him running up on stage and stabbing somebody just to make them aware of how much the performance sucked. I wouldn’t even be stunned by this. I’d probably laugh, and then put a bullet in my brain for watching the show in the first place.
AOTD #3: Andy Pettitte
-Did Andy Pettitte really just turn down 10mil from the Yankees? So let me get this straight…because you made 16mil last year, you believe you don’t deserve a paycut, even though the Yankees are now light years ahead of where they were as a roster last season?
In related news, Jonathan Taylor Thomas just turned down a sex scene with Jennifer Aniston because he thinks Home Improvement syndications are still a hit and he can land a scene with Brangelina. Yep, both of them at the same time. Like you wouldn’t watch that?