Dear Mark Cuban, | Sharapova's Thigh

Dear Mark Cuban,

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 1/15/2009 02:34:00 PM | , , , ,

Please go away. Forever.

Listen dude, you're the hero of sports fans throughout the country. You come up with a hair brained scheme in college. Turns out that your scheme actually works. It more than works it kicks ass. Because of this idea you become a billionaire. Sweet.

Then you go do what every twenty something sports fan would do if they were a billionaire: You buy a sports franchise. Super Sweet.

You get a hot wife. You are a thorn in David Stern's side. You go on Dancing with the Stars. You sit in the outfield bleachers at Wrigley. Sweet. Sweet. Gay. Sweet (except for diehard Cubs fans; they think you're a blowhard).

Two nights ago you're at the Pepsi Center to watch the ever so quickly declining Mavs lose to the Denver Nuggets. JR Smith throws an elbow at the end of the first half after Antoine Wright throws an elbow at him. Nobody was hurt.

You chase JR down the tunnel screaming at him. Everybody heard it. You tell the press that your conversation was "cordial". That you merely expressed politely that you intended to submit the play to the league. Douche. There is nothing cordial or polite about you.

Then the game ends on a bad call. Chauncey Billups kicks his leg out mid pull up J, gets a call and sinks the free throws. Game over. Crappy way for a game to end. Not the first time this week it has happened.

What Would Cuban Do? Go onto the court after the game, scream at the officials, then deny that you screamed at the officials. Everybody saw it dude. The TV cameras were pointed right at you.

Listen Marky Mark, that's the same move that Dirk pulls all the time. Dirk shot 11 free throws in the 4th quarter of that game. It was poorly officiated from the opening tap and it was sort of appropriate for the game to end on a bad call.

If you want to be a fan, be a fan. If you want to be an owner, be an owner. But this garbage of you a.) chasing players up the tunnel and b.) running out on the court to yell at the refs. If you want to get all juiced up and yell stuff like the dudes in the nose bleed seats then be my guest. If you want access to the floor to sit with your team, do that's great too. But you living half in one world and half in the other needs to stop.

Hope you slip on a banana peel,

Everybody.

BallHype: hype it up!