In the elementary school days, I'd get at least one of those "Be My Valentine!" or whatever notes on a Power Rangers card for example, but it would always be from the fattest or ugliest girl in class.
Then when I've actually been dating a girl when the "holiday" comes around, I've had to BUY them things! Jewelry, a dozen roses, etc. Us guys don't want any Valentine's Day-related gifts. It's completely unfair.
The only thing I've ever legitimately enjoyed about Valentine's Day is some bars serve red beer, and then when you drop a deuce after drinking this beer, your toilet looks like the Red Planet. It's not as cool as the green shits on St. Patty's Day though.
Anyway, on this Valentine's Day I may finally have some good news. We've continuously updated the status of the Thigh Goddess as she recovers from shoulder surgery. Last week I told you how she's going to miss at least the next two tournaments on the tour and there's no clear timetable for her return. There's a rumor floating around that it's not so much the shoulder that's keeping her away from these tournaments, but that love with a "mystery man" is keeping her away:
The 6ft 2in former Wimbledon champion and world number one no longer obeys her father Yuri and is devoting all her attention to a mystery man.Link(Daily Express)
This is what is claimed by Dzhamal Chakvetadze, father of another Russian tennis player Anna Chakvetadze.
"Maria's mind is just not set on tennis these days, it's all set on love," he told a Moscow newspaper. "I talked to her father Yuri several days ago.
"He's upset. He's lost all his influence on his daughter. Maria doesn't listen to him any more. She is in the middle of a love affair and doesn't need anyone except for this guy. I understand Yuri's feelings very well since I have my own daughter of about the same age."
Could it be that I'm the mystery man?! If she Googles herself all the time like I assume she does, there's no doubt she's noticed all of the glowing things I've had to say about her tennis game and body.
Okay, so it's not me. Are you Maria Sharapova's mystery lover? If so, please stop so the rest of us can see her kicking ass on the tennis courts again soon... and because you're breaking my heart. You ass!
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