Texas Lands Anna... And Kris Benson | Sharapova's Thigh

Expect a good amount of the Rangers organization to get a taste of that thigh.

Well after I put so much effort(twenty minutes of writing!) into my "Dodgers/Players/Coaches/Trainers/Bat Boys Stock Up On Trojans" post last month, Kris Benson apparently is signing with the Texas Rangers:
The Rangers are expected to sign pitcher Kris Benson to a Minor League contract with an invitation to Spring Training, possibly this weekend. He recently threw for the Rangers and showed enough to be offered a contract.

So, it looks the Rangers are the ones that win the Anna Benson sweepstakes! I also spent a lot of time deciding the Rangers' thigh association on their "Where They Stand" article, and chose the manly Jennie Finch. I of course would replace that with MLB's sex queen Anna if I felt like going back and editing that post, but I don't.

Kris actually has a decent shot at making the big club. The Rangers' pitching staff has been God awful and if he shows he has anything left, he could very well wind up in their rotation. Therefore, you know the Rangers' players/coaches/trainers/bat boys are thrilled and if they're wise, will do anything they can to get Anna to cheat on Kris. I had Anna's quotes in the previous post about this I did but I know you won't go there, so here ya go:

""I told (Kris) -- because that's the biggest thing in athletics, they cheat all the time -- I told him, cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I'm going to screw everybody on your entire team -- coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team."
"If I'm lining them up, I'll circle into other teams. Whatever team he's playing, I will screw all them, too."
The formula seems pretty simple to me. You put him on the team as the #5 starter, even if his ERA's over 6, it's not much worse than their other options would be anyway. Hell, Jason Jennings went 0-5 with an 8.56 ERA last year for this team. Benson's not what he used to be and hasn't pitched in the majors since he had surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff after 2006. Still, his worst career ERA in a season is 4.82. That would look 1995 Maddux-like on this staff.

Then when he makes the team, he's undoubtedly going to want some celebratory drinks. You Rangers players take him out to the bar, get him about five shots of tequila and a few double rum and cokes. He'll be looking for the nearest vagine in no time. He goes and sleeps with that girl, direct Anna that way, and boom. You're all banging a super hottie.

Oh, and if he doesn't sign with the Rangers, I'm not writing another post about this. Well, maybe I will. Baseball + Hot Women= Pants Tent For Clapp.

UPDATE(2/21, 4:25 PM ET): Kris Benson has officially signed a minor league with the Rangers.

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