Retro Games: Custer's Revenge | Sharapova's Thigh

Retro Games: Custer's Revenge

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 3/31/2009 12:22:00 PM | ,

Usually I put a picture of the game box above when I do these, but the box for this 'classic' features the naked ass of an obviously cartoon cowboy. If you really want to see it, here you go.

This game goes beyond being simply bad. The gameplay, for what it's worth, simply involves moving across a screen. The concept, though, is where it really comes apart for Custer. It's an awful, awful idea for a game...or for anything. Or more accurately: the absolute worst concept in the history of games/anything. The fact that someone, somewhere felt this game was in any way, shape, or form appropriate is amazing in and of itself.

This is the first of the retro games that I have not actually ever played. I can't imagine wanting to play, but even if I did, I'd imagine it's fairly difficult to find. A quick search of Ebay shows one copy available at $49.99. Pass.

The point of Custer's Revenge is, no joke, to get across a field of flying arrows in order to rape a tied up Native American princess. While blocky (It's an Atari 2600 game from 1982), one can easily make out that both characters are naked and that the General is better endowed than you or me.

Anyways, apparently the negative backlash of the content promoted sales, a sad commentary in and of itself. To provide equal time, the same company produced a game called "General Retreat" in which the Native American dodges stuff to have sex with a tied up General. She's apparently dodging cannonballs to get to him. It's a beautiful love story. Sounds like a winner.

I've decided to include video of this masterpiece. The following is essentially the entire game. Watch with caution if you're easily (very easily?) offended.





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