It's probably unhealthy that my mind produces these thoughts on a rather consistent basis:
-I'm either a total genius, or a complete idiot for thinking that I could ever possibly be one. Which would then make me a genius for realizing that I would be an idiot for thinking that I am one.
-I once had sex with a girl who eventually landed a gig as an Abercrombie model the following summer. I devised an equation to try and explain the fact that she would sleep with me based on the amount of alcohol consumed and my relative unattractiveness and lack of Polish charm.
3A/K*A=P+V where A is the amount of alcoholic beverages consumed, K is my charm and attractiveness, and P and V stand for my peenie and her vageen.
I'm fairly certain this was published soon after by the Harvard Journal of Medicine.
-As a person who stays in shape, I never completely understood how people could get so fat and out of shape. Then I realized they are lazy as fuck.
-Things not to say to a stripper at a bachelor party : "I don't like lap dances, but my lap does."
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