The Fastest Freaking NFL Preview Ever | Sharapova's Thigh

The Fastest Freaking NFL Preview Ever

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 9/10/2009 07:45:00 AM

Short attention spans rejoice. All you need to know about the upcoming NFL season in the next 3-10 minutes (some of you probably need to attend the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids who can't Read Good)

AFC West
This division is a joke. Joke status coupled with playing the NFC East and AFC North and this division has all the makings of ineptitude. The Raiders are in shambles and are probably the worst franchise in football right now. They have some talent and will squeak out a win or two (2-14). The Chiefs have drafted well in the past few years but firing Herm Edwards was a huge mistake (4-12). Describing the Broncos melodrama in less than a sentence is impossible. Bottom line: They've screwed themselves (3-13). The Chargers defense strangles people that are disobedient. They also get 6 wins handed to them. I'm not sold on the Chargers as many as others, but they'll at least split the 10 non-division games (11-5).

NFC West
This division was a joke but is on the upswing. They play the NFC North and AFC South. St. Louis made the right move by hiring Steve Spagunolo, however they still lack overall talent (5-11). San Francisco's defense is really maturing. They aren't going to take the next step until they figure out the QB situation, Crabtree holding out is problematic (5-11). Seattle was decimated by injuries last year. I think they are going to bounce back and contend (10-6). The Cardinals are fresh off the best season in franchise history. The roster looks very similar (11-5).

AFC South
This is the most difficult division in football to me. They play the NFC West and AFC East. Jacksonville is not as bad as they were last year, the problem is that I'm not sure they are much better (6-10). Houston will score points, they will also wreak a little havoc on defense. I don't think they are over the hump (8-8, again). Indianapolis still has Peyton Manning, the defense is problematic and the offense is not as deep as years past (10-6). The loss of Albert Haynesworth leaves a huge hole in the defense. Running the ball is still a huge equalizer (10-6).

NFC South
This division is highly competitive every year and traditionally experiences a lot of turnover. They play the AFC East and NFC East. Atlanta won't sneak up on anybody this year. They got some schedule help last year (8-8). Carolina stomped their way to 12-4 last year. I don't like them that much, but I still like them (11-5). Tampa Bay took a step back by gutting the defense. They'll miss Jon Gruden on the offensive side of the ball (6-10). New Orleans will score, but the question remains can they stop anybody. I'll split the baby (8-8).

AFC North
A highly underrated division if you ask me. They play the NFC North and AFC West. Pittsuburgh is a trendy pick to repeat, who am I to disagree (even if I hate them) (13-3). I'm on the Joe Flacco was a flash-in-the-pan bandwagon. The Defense is only a year older, but the schedule is favorable (10-6). Cincinnati will be better but that offensive line is still a humongous question mark. The depth at WR has diminished, so who will Carson hit on hot reads (6-10)? The Browns roster is similar to the last two years. Their schedule (2nd easiest) looks more like 07 (4th easiest) than 08 (2nd toughest). That doesn't get them to the playoffs, but does equal improvement (7-9).

NFC North
This division is a bit of a wild card as well. They play the AFC North and NFC West. Minnesota appeals to conventional wisdom. Call me crazy, but I just don't think Brett Favre makes that much of a difference (10-6). Green Bay will score some points on offense. Time will tell how the switch to the 3-4 turns out (9-7). Chicago is improved on paper, does it translate to the field? I think the Cutler addition will be a mixed bag, but mostly positive (10-6). Detroit can only go up. Megatron and Matthew Stafford should be a fun combination to watch, not necessarily good, but fun (2-14).

AFC East
Bad news for the rest of this division, Gisele is back. They play the AFC South and the NFC South. The Patriots will win the division, who knows how good they'll actually be (12-4). The Jets are a bit of a misnomer. I'm not sure they are improved with a rookie QB and an overhauled defense (7-9). Miami was the surprise team of 2008. There is no way they are as good this year. They'll still entertain, but they take a step back (8-8). Early in the off-season a lot of people liked the Bills as a sleeper. Going into the season they appear to be at a bit of a rocky stage. We'll see on Sunday (6-10).

NFC East
The NFC East is always the best division in football. This year is no exception. They draw the AFC West and the NFC South. The Giants need to learn to pass the ball. Thankfully they have an awesome defense and running game to give Eli Manning time to adjust with his WR's (11-5). The Eagles are trendy pick to do some damage this year. They'll miss Jim Johnson's playcalling more than a lot of people think (10-6). It's put up or shut up time in Dallas. Romo better produce this year with a new stadium, impatient fanbase and solid defense (10-6). Washington will do their standard thing: win some games but underachieve and not play up to their talent level (7-9).

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