March 2009 | Sharapova's Thigh

36 Games??

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 3/31/2009 06:13:00 PM | , , ,

Do you know the number of games in Spring Training?

36

Doesn't that seem like a lot? I mean effin A Cotton, that's a lot of innings.

But then I got to thinking. How does this compare to other sports.

NFL: 4 preseason games / 16 regular season games = 20% of total games played

MLB: 36 preseason games / 162 regular season games = 18% of total games played

NBA: 8 preseason games / 82 regular season games = 8.8% of total games played

I mean we always knew the NBA preseason was useless, but....isn't that the point of the preseason?

I mean Cactus / Grapefruit League provides a nice vacation option, but c'mon. MLB and NFL are talking about 1 out of every 5 games not mattering. More than twice the amount of the NBA. (no this is not the forum to discuss the NBA regular season being meaningless)

This MLB realization comes the same week that that Roger Goodell is talking about an 18 game regular season.

Plllleeeeasssseeee Pleeeeaasssseee let it happen.

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Thigh-Fiving These Links 3/31/09 Edition

Posted by Matt Clapp | 3/31/2009 04:30:00 PM | ,

In honor of the Geek Squad finally fixing my computer... thigh five from two hot nerd girls!

It's been about two weeks since my computer worked, and eight days since I've had it in my hands. The Best Buy Geek Squad finally fixed it, after screwing up with the first attempt and making me come in five different times. The hard drive was replaced, so I'm pretty much starting over. We have a ton of shit to do around here because this computer nonsense has screwed me. We're trying to get these Where They Stand's done by when the season starts... so by like Sunday which seems damn near impossible, so they might go a few days into the season. When we're done with that, it's Hot Ladies Tournament time baby. Oh yeah. But now, the links, and they're damn good so make sure to check them all out...

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Retro Games: Custer's Revenge

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 3/31/2009 12:22:00 PM | ,

Usually I put a picture of the game box above when I do these, but the box for this 'classic' features the naked ass of an obviously cartoon cowboy. If you really want to see it, here you go.

This game goes beyond being simply bad. The gameplay, for what it's worth, simply involves moving across a screen. The concept, though, is where it really comes apart for Custer. It's an awful, awful idea for a game...or for anything. Or more accurately: the absolute worst concept in the history of games/anything. The fact that someone, somewhere felt this game was in any way, shape, or form appropriate is amazing in and of itself.

This is the first of the retro games that I have not actually ever played. I can't imagine wanting to play, but even if I did, I'd imagine it's fairly difficult to find. A quick search of Ebay shows one copy available at $49.99. Pass.

The point of Custer's Revenge is, no joke, to get across a field of flying arrows in order to rape a tied up Native American princess. While blocky (It's an Atari 2600 game from 1982), one can easily make out that both characters are naked and that the General is better endowed than you or me.

Anyways, apparently the negative backlash of the content promoted sales, a sad commentary in and of itself. To provide equal time, the same company produced a game called "General Retreat" in which the Native American dodges stuff to have sex with a tied up General. She's apparently dodging cannonballs to get to him. It's a beautiful love story. Sounds like a winner.

I've decided to include video of this masterpiece. The following is essentially the entire game. Watch with caution if you're easily (very easily?) offended.





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Thigh Five From Arianny Celeste!
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I love beer. Beer beer beer. It's 11 AM as I write this and I want a beer. Maybe that speaks more to a problem than it does a vibrant personal trait, but whatever. And how can you blame me for wanting a beer when the Thigh of the Week is a waitress? It's alcoholic entrapment.

Delirium Nocturnum. If you haven't had it yet, drop what you're doing right now and go get one. Seriously. It is the greatest thing put in a bottle, and will continue to be such until they figure out a way to bottle Chick-Fil-A (or Anne Hathaway).

It is expensive, granted. I've seen it check in at 12 bucks for a 4 count. That was in Florida, though, and I don't know exactly how their rates compare to the rest of the world. It's 10 bucks for a bottle at my local bar, which hurts because that generally means I can only buy it on a special occasion.

The good news is that it has a butt-load of alcohol in it. Officially, it is 9% alcohol by volume, but I have read that it can come in at 10 or 11. That sort of content may scare the lesser drinker, but fear not: the alcohol taste is almost completely masked. If you can afford to pay for three or four of these, you can down them easily and be pretty good. Myself, I like to savor the flavor. Much like with Chick-Fil-A (or Anne Hathaway).

Wikipedia compares it to other beers more eloquently than I could:

Delirium Nocturnum is a good representation of a Belgium brown ale. It has several similarities to a Brown ale or Scottish ale. It is suggested that brown ale lovers will find Delirium Nocturnum a wonderful alternative to Newcastle or Sam Smith's Nut Brown.

It carries a great deep complexity, alcohol warmth that is full of flavor and character without being too intense. Many say it is a must try for any serious beer lover, and is nothing like the popular corporate lagers. It is a pleasant experience for fans of Belgian ales, and not too difficult an introduction for newcomers.


I cannot agree more with the phrase "must try". It comes in a variety of brands (Delirium Tremins), including seasonal versions like Delirium Noel (and I've heard of Delirium Christmas, but have never had it). And the bottle is bad ass. Next time you have a special occasion coming up and find yourself at a liquor/beer store, look for the pink elephant. Tell them Fly sent you. They'll look at you funny and then take your money. And if they actually do know me, they'll probably ask why you weren't there in the AM.

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Cassandra Fiorella

On St. Patrick's Day weekend, my buddy Toph and I hit up downtown Denver for some drinking and random nonsense. Our favorite bar to go to in Denver is Maloney's Tavern, located right in the heart of downtown on Market Street. On this particular trip, we were introduced to an amazing, grade-A thigh, courtesy of Cassandra Fiorella.

Cassandra(or Cassie) is a terrific waitress at Maloney's, and particulary did a great job of dealing with a crapload of guys pathetically hitting on her all day(I probably contributed to this). It was actually quite visible in the last two pictures, but I did the best I could to crop that up and get the guys out of there.

This is a very special Thigh of the Week, as Cassandra is our first ever non-celebrity to receive this prestigious award! Hopefully this will open up some eyes very soon and that non-celebrity label will vanish.

I was reluctant to even ask her if she'd like to be TOTW as it sounds super creepy of course, but surely the alcohol played a major part in me doing so. I was shocked when she said she'd love to do it, and how hilarious and awesome this was. So she gave us some outstanding thigh shots(thanks to our good friend Justin Fritts for taking the photos) right in the middle of the bar! It was very, very cool.

Anyway, go into Maloney's yourself to see Cassie and the rest of the waitresses there, they're all gorgeous and I feel bad for leaving the rest of them out of this. Thanks to Cassie for being so awesome about this and maybe we'll have some more real TOTW's in the future.

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5-Time All-Star Lance Berkman headlines a formidable Astros lineup.

Since we're all huge baseball fans here at the Thigh, we've decided to examine each MLB team and where they currently stand. We'll look at how the team did last year, changes that happened or could happen with the team this offseason, and how it looks like the team will do in 2009 as of now. We'll even toss in the hottest thigh associated with each team. In this edition, we look at the Houston Astros.

2008 Outcome: 86-75, 3rd Place In The NL Central, 11 Games Behind The Cubs.

What They've Lost: 3B Ty Wigginton(Signed With Orioles), SP Randy Wolf(Signed With Dodgers), IF Mark Loretta(Signed With Dodgers), C Brad Ausmus(Signed With Dodgers), IF Jose Castillo(Signed With Nationals), P Jack Cassel(Signed With Indians), RP Dave Borkowski(Signed With Phillies), RP Fernando Nieve(Claimed Off Waivers By Mets).

What They've Added: Signed C Ivan Rodriguez(1 Year, $1.5 Million), Signed SP Mike Hampton(1 Year, $2 Million), Signed OF Jason Michaels(1 Year, $750,000), Signed P Jose Capellan(Minor League Deal), Signed P Russ Ortiz(Minor League Deal), Signed P Clay Hensley(Minor League Deal), Signed RP Neal Musser(Minor League Deal), Signed IF Jason Smith(Minor League Deal), Signed IF Matt Kata(Minor League Deal).

Needs: Better starting pitchers and youth.

The Talk: Payroll flexibility, well the lack thereof, is a major issue with this organization right now. It played a major part in their inability to keep starting pitcher Randy Wolf and third baseman Ty Wigginton. It's also prevented them from being able to make a big splash in free agency. However, they did make a very notable move recently.

37-year-old catcher Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez was impressive in the World Baseball Classic for Puerto Rico. It was clear he can still swing the bat, and although he's not quite the same catcher that won 13 Gold Gloves, he's still got a great arm and won't hurt you back there. Well the Astros had a major hole at catcher with J.R. Towles being a major disappointment in his 2008 rookie campaign, and Humberto Quintero is a backup catcher at best. So they signed Pudge to a 1-year deal worth $1.5 million and he'll be their starting catcher.

They also signed starting pitcher Mike Hampton. He still has something left, but it's a matter of being able to take the ball every five days which has been a major problem for him. Hampton gets injured more than Dick Vitale says "Duke". The last time he made over 13 starts was in 2004.

As for the rest of the rotation, there's no doubt Roy Oswalt is a #1, but you don't know what you're getting with the other pitchers. Wandy Rodriguez had a very good 2008 season, going 9-7 with a 3.54 ERA in 137.1 innings pitched. However, his best ERA in a season prior to 2008 was 4.58 and he's struggled mightily away from home. His durability is a major question mark as well, and a fingernail issue's already bothered him this spring.

After that, it's Hampton, Brian Moehler, and Brandon Backe who will start the on the disabled list with a left intercoastal strain. Moehler was solid in 2008, putting together an 11-8 record with a 4.57 ERA. It's very questionable if the 37-year-old right-hander can repeat such a performance though.

Replacing Backe will be veteran Russ Ortiz, and Ortiz hasn't thrown over 100 innings since 2005. Even worse, he hasn't had an ERA under 5 since 2004. Still, is it any worse than Backe and his 9-14 record with a 6.05 ERA last year?

If those pitchers can get into the 6th or 7th inning with the lead, the Astros should be in pretty good shape. Jose Valverde is an elite closer, leading the National League in saves each of the past two seasons. He struck out 83 batters in 72 innings pitched with an ERA of 3.38 in 2008. The rest of the bullpen has dependable veteran righties in Doug Brocail, Geoff Geary, and Chris Sampson, and a promising young left-hander in Wesley Wright. The 24-year-old Wright has a filthy curveball and held lefties to a .621 OPS last season.

Onto the offense, there's no question this team has some big boppers in the middle of the order. Miguel Tejada, Lance Berkman, Carlos Lee, Hunter Pence... quite a bit of thunder there in the likely 2-5 spots in the order. Berkman and Lee had very similiar, and very terrific 2008 seasons. Berkman hit .312 with 29 homers, 106 RBI, and a .986 OPS. Lee was a couple points higher in the batting average at .314, hit one less homer with 28, drove in six less runs with 100, and had an OPS of .937.

The Astros know what they're getting with those two, and 25-year-old(26 on April 13th) outfielder Hunter Pence is an extremely talented hitter. In 2007, he batted .322, with 17 homers, 69 RBI, and an .899 OPS in 484 plate appearances. His 2008 batting average dropped significantly to .269, but did hit 25 home runs, with 83 RBI, and still had a solid OPS of .784. His power production should only increase, and expect him to get the batting average up into the .280 area or so this season.

They're going to need much, much better production at the plate out of speedster Michael Bourn. The Astros acquired Bourn in the 2008 offseason from the Phillies for closer Brad Lidge. Bourn was solid in 2007 for the Phillies and the Astros thought they were getting a very good young leadoff hitter that will steal a ton of bases. The speed wasn't a problem as he swiped 41 bags, but he was absolutely awful at the plate. His batting average was just .229, and he only got on base at a .288 clip. This guy could steal 80 bases if he got on base at league average. He's likely batting 8th for awhile, and if he improves could replace Kaz Matsui in the leadoff spot.

With Ty Wigginton gone, veteran utility infielder Geoff Blum will get the starting nod at third base. The 35-year-old has some pop, belting 14 homers in 325 2008 at bats.

Free Agent Signing/Trade Prediction: I don't know if they'll make anymore moves before the season starts. There was talk they were on the verge of signing Pedro Martinez to be in the starting rotation, but those rumors were quickly shot down. It makes sense as they obviously need help there and while Pedro isn't anything like what he used to be, he still might be a better option than anybody in their 3-5 spots in the rotation.

There's also rumors that Reds utility man Jeff Keppinger is on the trade block and that the Astros have shown interest. Keppinger can play multiple infield positions and had a terrific 2007 season, but struggled in 2008. I doubt the Reds would prefer to deal him within the division though.

Young Player To Make 2009 Impact: Bud Norris.

Norris is the Astros' top pitching prospect and made a push at making the club out of spring training, but will start the season at Triple-A Round Rock. Right now, the Astros aren't sure if they'd rather have him starting or in the bullpen. If he's going to be starter, he needs to develop another pitch as right now his fastball and slider are the only reliable pitches he has. I think he'll be up with the big club soon, especially if there's a pitcher or two struggling in the rotation which is very possible. Even if he's not starting, the Astros might choose to move Chris Samspon to the rotation for example, and that would open up a spot for him in the bullpen. One way or another, I think he's pitching at some point for the Astros in 2009.

2009 Outlook: Although the starting rotation is a major concern, I can't see them being 18 games worse as Baseball Prospectus currently projects. I'd imagine at least one starting pitcher outside of Roy Oswalt will be dependable, most likely Wandy Rodriguez. Regardless, they're going to score runs and have a lineup filled with right-handed power which suits the dimensions at Minute Maid Park perfectly. I'd probably predict about 4th place in the NL Central, but they could finish 2nd place as well if their pitching performs better than anticipated.

Hottest Thigh Association: Laura Cover.


I wasn't sure if I should use this lovely woman for this, as her husband is Aaron Boone and he's of course been going through a very difficult situation. Aaron underwent open-heart surgery on Thursday, and thankfully it all went well. He signed with the Astros this offseason to hopefully be their starting third baseman, but he won't be able to play this year and maybe never again. Obviously that's not the most important thing, as he's just happy to be alive now. He should also be happy to have this smoking hot wife Laura to go home to every night. Laura is a former Playmate and this was about the only picture of her wearing clothes that I could find on a nice Google of her.

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The Twins hope Francisco Liriano can return to his 2006 form

Since we're all huge baseball fans here at the Thigh, we've decided to examine each MLB team and where they currently stand. We'll look at how the team did last year, changes that happened or could happen with the team this offseason, and how it looks like the team will do in 2009 as of now. We'll even toss in the hottest thigh associated with each team. In this edition, we look at the Minnesota Twins.

2008 Outcome: 88-75, Finished 2nd place in the AL Central, after losing a one game playoff to the White Sox.

What They've Lost: SS Adam Everett (signed with Tigers), RP Eddie Guardado (Signed with Rangers), RP Dennys Reyes (signed with Cardinals), SP Livan Hernandez (Signed with Mets)

What They've Added: RP Luis Ayala (Free agent), 3B Joe Crede (Free Agent)

Needs: A power bat, they were one of the weakest HR hitting teams in all of baseball last year, with just 111, and they didn't do much to address the need. Crede may help out some in that area if he can stay healthy. Their lack of power in the outfield is still astounding though. They could also use an upgrade in the middle infield and some bullpen help.

The Talk: The Twins really didn't do a whole lot this offseason. They lost a few minor parts, made no trades and added only Joe Crede and Luis Ayala. They will pretty much go at it in 2009 with nearly the same team they had in 2008. Of course a healthy productive year out of Francisco Liriano will help the team a great deal. He will be joined in the starting rotation by Scott Baker, Kevin Slowey, Nick Blackburn and Glen Perkins. all of whom had very consistent and productive 2008 campaigns. The Twins don't really have a true ace but they are as consistent 1 through 5 as any team in the league.

As for the bullpen, Joe Nathan will again be the anchor, he has been one of the more consistent closers in the game for some time now. Getting to him may be tough at times though. Jesse Crain is a solid setup man, but the Twins really wanted an upgrade in their pen. Juan Cruz was on their radar for a long time, but they were not willing to give up a 1st round pick to get him through arbitration rules.

On the offensive side, the Twins will once again use contact and small ball a great deal, which is rare these days for an AL team. The Health of Joe Mauer is one of the biggest concerns. Without his bat in the lineup they may struggle to score enough runs to keep pace ion the AL Central. Of course their one true run producing stud is Justin Morneau who should continue to put up big numbers. Joe Crede will be counted on to provide some extra pop at 3B. In the outfield the Twins have a real lack of run producers. Delmon Young has the ability and raw talent to be a power hitter, but thus far in his career the homers have not come. He will man left field with Carlos Gomez and Denard Span rounding out the outfield. Michael Cuddyer is also likely to see time.

The middle infield in Minnesota is also filled with guys lack of any power. Alexi Casilla and Nick Punto will likely see the most time at 2B and SS respectively with Brendan Harris acting as the primary backup for both. Brian Buscher may also get some middle infield time along with backing up 3rd base. Jason Kubel will get the bulk of the ABs in the DH spot.

The team really doesn't look to special but they have no glaring holes and somehow the Twins always seem to be there in the end. They will scratch across their runs and their pitchers will be good enough to give them chances to win games.

Free Agent Signing/Trade Prediction: They may try to add a bullpen guy later in the season, they may also look for corner outfield help if Gomez or Span struggles

Young Player To Make 2009 Impact: Jose Mijares, RP.


The young left handed reliever looked very good in his brief time with the Twins in September last year. He was used in critical situations down the stretch and could make a big impact as another late inning reliever to help get the ball to Joe Nathan. He doesn't have overwhelming stuff, but he is very tough on lefties and keeps the ball down.

2009 Outlook: On the surface, I think I would probably pick the Twins to finish 3rd in the AL Central,. but as I said above, they seem to always be there in the end. They have been the most consistent team in the division for a long time. If they can keep Mauer healthy and get a bounce back year from Liriano then their chance of winning the division could be as high as any.

Still I don't see them winning games in the 90's and if the Indians or the Tigers can bounce back and have a big year the Twins will likely be on the outside looking in.

Hottest Thigh Association: Chelsea Cooley

The former Miss USA is the girlfriend of Twins catcher Joe Mauer. She was miss North Carolina in 2005 and went on to win the Miss USA Pageant. During her time as queen she raised over 22 million dollars for womens cancer research. Ff course along with being world famous and helping to make the world a better place, she also has a very hot thigh. Joe Mauer is a lucky bastard.



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Thigh-Fiving These Links 3/27/09 Edition

Posted by Matt Clapp | 3/27/2009 12:15:00 PM | ,

Thigh Five From Isla Fisher!
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Next up in our "Random Retro Baseball Player" series, we look at Dick Drago, at the request of our friends at FanIQ...

Years Played: 1969-1981.

Teams Played For: Kansas City Royals(69-73), Boston Red Sox(74-75, 78-80), California Angels(76-77), Baltimore Orioles(77), Seattle Mariners(81).

Positions: Pitcher(519 Games, 189 Games Started).

Bats/Throws: Right/Right.

Career Line: 108-117, 3.62 ERA, 1.311 WHIP, 103 ERA+, 987 K, 58 S, 62 CG, 10 SHO, 1875 IP.
Best Season:
1971- 17-11, 2.98 ERA, 1.231 WHIP, 115 ERA+, 109 K, 15 CG, 4 SHO, 35 G(34 Started), 2.3 IP.

Awards/Leaderboard: 5th In AL Cy Young Voting(1971)

5th In AL In Saves(1975-15)

Fun Facts: In his rookie year, he pitched 200.2 innings, won 11 games, threw 10 complete games, and had an ERA of 3.77.

On July 30, 1971, Drago was credited with a complete game after throwing just 4.1 innings due to the game being called for rain in the 5th inning. He got the loss in a 1-0 contest, as he gave up a solo homer to Hall of Famer Frank Robinson.

At the age of 44 in 1989, Drago pitched in the Senior Professional Baseball Association for the Fort Myers Sun Sox. He had a 10.54 ERA in 8 games pitched.

He gave up Hank Aaron's last home run(#755), which of course was the record number until Barry Bonds surpassed it in 2007.

He had a combined 1.04 ERA and 2 saves in the ALCS and World Series for the Red Sox in 1975.

Royals Review recently ranked Drago the #35 on their "100 Greatest Royals of All-Time".


Dick Drago's Page On Baseball Reference


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