September 2009 | Sharapova's Thigh

Ouch. Ouch ouch.

A Brain Lock That This Kid Will Not Soon Forget (The Big Lead)

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It is with great pride that I wrote "deification" as opposed to the likely typo "defecation". Another proud moment for the South Carolina School System.

Anyways, we've essentially avoided this entire Tim Tebow/concussion ordeal because, well, we've all been busy away from the Thigh. But a friend of mine alerted me to this and I simply have to speak on it.

Tebow is apparently in fine spirits now and doesn't seem to be any worse for wear, which is all well and good (though I think he needs to sit out the South Carolina game in a month or so), and Tebow seems to be a nice guy and what not, but there's no way...NO WAY...that this was what Tebow said after waking up:

Meyer said Tebow had just one question after the hit.

"He asked me 'Did I hold onto the ball?"' Meyer said. "I told him he did and he winked at me and said 'It's great to be a Gator.' "

I call some serious bologna on this. My immediate guess is that Tebow asked "Did I shit myself on TV", but maybe that's just me. Nonetheless, it's good to see that Tebow appears to be okay, even if he's not going to be a good NFL QB and really can't throw all that great. That's right.

Florida QB Tim Tebow Has Concussion (Sporting News)

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What I'm Betting: Week 4

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 9/25/2009 01:40:00 PM | ,

Ouch...took it on the chin last week with an 0-fer. That's alright, though, because I've learned my lesson about Georgia Tech. Florida was shocking and sucked my bankroll up pretty good.

But it's a new week, the Gamecocks won, and I'm prepped to take another beating.

4* - Penn State -9 over Iowa.

Classic revenge game and you have to imagine that Penn State is looking to quiet the critics and have a strong showing in one of their two statement games this year. I think Penn State is the better team and this line has moved in favor of Iowa, most places having Penn State at -10. I'll take Penn State here in a game that I feel they may win by 20 points.

4* - VT +3.5 over Miami

Miami is apparently pretty beat up, and I have trouble picking against a team that is generally considered the class of the ACC in Va Tech. And VT is at home? Gimme the Hokies. I suspect Miami is a bit overrated and should be exposed this week...but then, I thought GT would do the same to Miami...ugh.

3* - Arkansas +17.5 over Alabama

The number looks too big. Arkansas has a stud quarterback and has shown that they can move the ball on offense. I don't think there's the slightest chance that Arkansas wins this game, but I can't imagine Alabama scoring enough to cover the 17.5.

3* - Houston over Texas Tech - pick game

The Houston offense is something to behold, and I think Texas Tech gets a little too much love across the country after last year's team. With no points going the way of Texas Tech at home, you have to feel that Houston is the team here. If Houston starts to get points as the day goes on, jump on it.

Year so far

2-5 (-12 units)

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Clapp still has no internet!

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 9/24/2009 01:00:00 PM | ,

It's a good time to be the Fly. And now, I think I'll post a youtube video of an unknown band that I think could take off someday...

Keep your eyes out for these guys...though I wish they'd learn how to spell

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Continuing to abuse my privileges

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 9/23/2009 07:51:00 PM |

Someday, Clapp is going to completely and totally stop leaving his house.

These commercials irk me. Why is there always a creepy old lady listening to the women talking about their sexual things? Every time. She always is sitting there and you just know she's going to say something age inappropriate...waiting...and hoping this time it's different. And it never is.

Farewell erection.

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I'm leaving the Thigh

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 9/23/2009 04:15:00 PM

For more money, of course. I've fallen into a can't miss opportunity. Allow me to share with you the email that I received. I've done this sort of thing before, but this time, I think it's for real. And if this one is not for real, then I've got 100s more in my inbox waiting for me. To Hell with blogging! (And Georgia!)

Plus, Clapp's away. And that means I'm in charge. Let's continue the insanity.


We Apologize for the delay of your payment and all the Inconveniences and
hiccups that we might have caused you. However, we were having some minor
problems with our payment system, which is Inexplicable, and have held us
stranded and Indolent, not having the Prerequisite to
devote our 100% endowment in accrediting foreign payments.

We apologized once again, for the delay. From the Record of outstanding
debt's due for payment to you for:{ AWARD LOTTERY FUND CLAIMS AND INHERITANCE CLAIM}
COMMISSION has been Mandated to
make payment to all outstanding debt: your name and Particulars were
discovered as next on the list due for outstanding payment.

We wish to inform you now that the square peg is now in square hole and
can be accelerated so that your payment can be processed and will be
released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from the
record in our file, YOUR APPROVED PAYMENT IS US$850,000.00Usd
You are advised to choose any preferred method of which you will like to
receive the payment with

{1} Certified Bank Draft Mail to your home address.
{2} Wire Transfer to your nominated bank account of your choice within 48hours

soon as you get in touched with Mr.White Oversea Credit Commission.
E-mail: In the light of this aforementioned you are required to furnish
this office with the following information, as this will enable us to process
and release your cash prize without any further delay.

Your Full Name:

Your valid Telephone and fax Numbers:

Present occupation:

Date of birth:

Residential Address & country:

Your account info for wire transfer into your account:

Forward your urgent reply/payment information's to Mr.James White
Via this for speedy release of your long
Over-due payment
Mrs. Rosemary Russell.

Man oh man. $850,000 dollars. Thankfully, the square peg is finally in the square hole. Clapp has 24 hours to match that sum or lose me forever!!!

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Sean Salisbury v. Deadspin

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 9/23/2009 01:46:00 PM | , ,

I'm not a big follower of the Sean Salisbury saga. He may or may not have a habit of sending pictures of his genitalia to other people by way of text message, but who hasn't fallen into that trap once or twice? Hmm?

Nonetheless, when Sean Salisbury begins to text the editor of Deadspin about litigation, the funny really and truly picks up. I am going to link the entire page at the bottom of this thinly veiled hit drawing piece, but here's a little taste:

My email is the record u guys have lied and backstabbed me for the last time I owe u no answer nor will I dignify the lies with any response. For the record. U guys r being sued be a vicious attorney as is CBS and espn. And I will win with the proof. And yes for the record that book is being written and will rock the foundation of that company. Stuff that the sports world will not believe. I'm done being nice so prepare urself and u go ahead and put all of it on there because with the things I know folks are gonna be running for the hills. I will restore my reputation in a huge way. And by the way the girl u guys tracked down after two years who lied about the cell phone shit that u guys ran with a few months ago is the same woman who begged me on three different occasions to have sex with her and I said no. So she will be exposed as well. Damn I can't wait for all this

Mr. Salisbury apparently is sending this from his Iphone, which makes me look at my Razr and sigh regretfully. It also makes you wonder exactly what is going through his head? Sending text messages to a major, major blog is a far greater blow to your reputation than, say, getting caught by your friends with a fat girl or buying an Aly and AJ know they're called 78violet now? I'm not the only one who knew that, right? Right?

Sean Salisbury Has A Few Things To Get Off His Chest (Deadspin)

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I'm Moving...

Posted by Matt Clapp | 9/22/2009 11:09:00 PM

It's slow around here for a bit as I'm in the process of moving. Hopefully I'll be all settled in the new apartment tomorrow, but I'm not sure when we'll have Internet access. Don't worry, the Thigh will be be back in full action soon.

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Fire Joe Morgan

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 9/20/2009 10:06:00 PM | , , ,

Do it, ESPN. You know it's right.

I haven't watched a lot of baseball recently due to the Cubs meltdown and the emergence of football (which as you can see by my picks, I know a lot about...), but I did catch the tail end of tonight's Cubs/Cards game when I turned to Sportscenter.

And oh, how lucky I was. To not hear Joe Morgan for about a month must be the equivalent of denying yourself a Swiss Cake Roll for a year. That's right, Little Debbie, send me some swag.

Emmy Winner, Joe Morgan: "The Red Sox were always down on Julio Lugo, but they won a championship with him."

Is this the most egregious thing that Lil' Joe has ever said? No. The fact that he knew that Julio Lugo was even on that Red Sox team is a step in the right direction (especially after Joe stated on national tv that Luis Castillo brought playoff experience to the Mets due to his time with the Twins when Castillo had played one playoff-less year with the twins and yet had won the World Series with Florida, a fact that he was apparently not aware of). However, the sad thing is Joe thinks that his logic is sound here. That a team could not or should not be down a player that was on a team that won a championship.

Even though Lugo had a really good World Series for the Sox, to say they won a championship with him is less accurate than to say they won a championship in spite of his .294 on base percentage. But even this is beside my point. To draw any correlation between how the Red Sox feel now, in 2009, about Julio Lugo to how he played for a World Champion team in 2007 is asinine. And the scary thing is, I get the feeling that it is a perfectly logical statement and thought process in the mind of Joe Morgan.

I think tonight was ESPN's final Sunday Night Broadcast of the season. Here's hoping that there's a new crew for their 21st season.

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Charity Media NFL Picks Contest; Week 2 Picks

Posted by Matt Clapp | 9/18/2009 07:35:00 PM | , ,

I'm participating in a weekly media NFL picks contest for charity on Richard Gardner is the sportsbook manager for Bodog, a website that I know many of you/us are very familiar with. I'll leave it at that.

As I mentioned before, this particular "pick 'em" contest is for charity only. For each weekly winner, $250 is donated to the charity they chose, and the overall winners will have $5,000 and $2,500 donated. I chose the American Cancer Society.

Obviously it's not a situation where you're angry if you lose each week or anything, as it's all for a great cause("Oh they chose THAT charity?" Yeah, not happening). Still, it's a chance to see how good you are at picking NFL games compared to a lot of reputable sports media members. Fox Sports' Ben Maller won the first week. I'm tied for 22nd, picking nine games correctly last week.

I figured I could also just show you who I'm picking each week and why. The picks are to be made against the spread, rather than just picking the winner.

My week 2 picks

Carolina Panthers vs. Atlanta Falcons(-6.5)

After Jake Delhomme's peformance last week(which may have still been worse than his previous game in the NFC divisional playoffs), I have a hard time picturing the Panthers going into Atlanta and winning this one. Now, if they just hand the ball off to DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart like crazy, they might have a chance. They'll have to stop a terrific Falcons offense though, and I don't see that happening.

St. Louis Rams vs. Washington Redskins(-10.5)

The Rams, not the Lions, are the worst team in the NFL. I wouldn't pick them against the spread in a single game this season.

Houston Texans vs. Tennessee Titans(-7.5)

The Texans looked terrible at home against the Jets in week one, and the Titans outplayed the Steelers on the road, even though they didn't come out with a win. I really like the Titans to win this one at home, but not by over a touchdown. The Texans will come out with a better effort this week and make it a game, even though they will still lose.

New Orleans Saints(-1.5) vs. Philadelphia Eagles

I think the Eagles are the much better team, when healthy. With Donovan McNabb likely out though, it will be up to Kevin Kolb to keep the Eagles up with the Saints' terrific offense. The Eagles haven't shown much confidence in Kolb themselves with the signings of Michael Vick and Jeff Garcia in recent weeks. Why should I? I like the Saints to win this game on the road.

New England Patriots(-5.5) vs. New York Jets

Jets coach Rex Ryan sent out a voicemail to all Jets season-ticket holders to come out to the game and be loud in this one. Noise won't bother Tom Brady and the Patriots offense. They got a lucky win at home against the Bills in week one, but they will look like the offense we expected to see in this game against their AFC East rival. The Patriots win by over a touchdown.

Oakland Raiders vs. Kansas City Chiefs(-3.5)

The Raiders and Chiefs each surprised people with how good they looked in week one, even though they each lost. Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel is a game-time decision and Brodie Croyle would start in his absence.

I really like the Raiders' defense. Richard Seymour made a noticeable difference in his first game as a Raider, and Nnamdi Asomugha should shutdown the Chiefs' main target, Dwayne Bowe. I think the Raiders will go into Kansas City and not just cover the spread, but get a win.

Arizona Cardinals vs. Jacksonville Jaguars(-4.5)

The Jaguars held the Colts offense to just 14 points in Indianapolis last week. The Cardinals were only able to put up 16 at home against the 49ers, and Kurt Warner didn't look right all game. He definitely does not appear to be 100%. I think the Jaguars win by a touchdown or so at home.

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Green Bay Packers(-9.5)

The Packers will win this game, but I think the Bengals can make it close. Both teams were disappointed in their performances on offense in week one. The Packers were at least able to come away with a win, while the Bengals had about the most heartbreaking loss in the history of sports. They'll still lose this week, but will go into Lambeau and make it tough on the Packers.

Minnesota Vikings(-9.5) vs. Detroit Lions

Adrian Peterson will go off as usual in this game. The Vikings' run defense is probably the best in the NFL, so it will be up to Matthew Stafford to keep this one close. I don't like the rookie's chances to do that in week two.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Buffalo Bills(-4.5)

Antonio Bryan is likely out for the Bucs, leaving Byron Leftwich with some pretty poor options to throw to. Cadillac Williams looks great and Derrick Ward is very good himself, but the Bills will likely crowd the line and make Leftwich beat them. The Bills deserved a win in New England and they'll get one comfortably at home against the Bucs this week.

Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49ers(-1.5)

This game is a toss up... but I think the Seahawks will win the NFC West. To do that, they need to win games like this.

Pittsburgh Steelers(-3.5) vs. Chicago Bears

Another toss up. I like the Bears to win in their home opener and for Jay Cutler to bounce back with a solid game. There might be 80 passes thrown in this game.

Baltimore Ravens vs. San Diego Chargers(-3.5)

The Chargers might win this one, but the Ravens and their outstanding defense will keep it close.

Cleveland Browns vs. Denver Broncos(-3.5)

The Broncos' defense really impressed against the Bengals in week one. That was quite a shock. In their home opener, it should be loud and a tough environment for Brady Quinn to succeed. We don't know enough about either team yet to have a firm prediction here, but I like the Broncos to win and cover the 3.5 points.

New York Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys(-3.5)

Tony Romo played a great game at Tampa Bay, but their were holes left and right in that defense. The Giants won't let that happen and will apply a ton of pressure on Romo. I don't have a certain pick as to who wins this game, but the Giants at least keep it within a field goal.

Indianapolis Colts(-3.5) vs. Miami Dolphins

The Dolphins were terrible in Atlanta and think a letdown season is very possible after they shocked the world in 2008. But, they're facing a Colts team that will be without their best defensive player in Bob Sanders, and without their #2 wide receiver in Anthony Gonzalez. Add in that it will be a home game on Monday night, I like them to at least cover the 3.5 points.

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Last night, Megan Fox was on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. The hotness of the 2008 Hot Ladies Tournament champion in Fox, combined with the hilarity of Conando, made this some quality television.

Not only did Megan look ravishing as always, but she had some interesting things to say as well. For example, she informed us that she's had a longtime crush on Conan. As if I wasn't jealous of him enough before.

Anyway, I thought it was a good interview, but if nothing else, you get to see some premium thigh. Oh, and there's a clip for Jennifer's Body which involves her making out with a girl in her underwear. Check it out for yourself:

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Randy Moss will likely do a weird dance like this in the end zone Sunday against the Jets.

And some picks of my own(based on standard league scoring systems):

Week Two's Best

QB: Aaron Rodgers... Just 184 passing yards and one passing touchdown last Sunday against the Bears, although he was victorious. Still, he was disappointed in his effort and will look for a big game to bounce back. He gets a Bengals pass defense that is better than most realize(15th against the pass last year, and great last week against the Broncos if you take away the Brandon Stokley miracle), but I think he has a big game.
RB: Adrian Peterson... The best running back on the planet(and probably best overall player) gets the Detroit Lions. In his first game, he ran for 180 yards and three touchdowns to accumulate 37 fantasy points in standard leagues, the most of any player. There's no way you could convince me to go with anybody else here.
WR: Randy Moss... He and Tom Brady looked amazing all preseason, and they looked that way again Monday night in Buffalo, as Moss reeled in 12 catches for 140 yards. He didn't have a touchdown though. That changes this week against the Jets.
TE: Dallas Clark... With Anthony Gonzalez out, the only targets Peyton really feels comfortable with are Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark. I'm feeling a touchdown here.
K: Stephen Gostkowski... Against the Jets in 2008, Gostkowski had 13 and 11-point efforts.
D/ST: Minnesota Vikings... The sixth ranked defense in 2008 hosts the Lions. Their run defense is particularly spectacular thanks to the Williams wall, and that most likely means rookie quarterback Matthew Stafford will have to throw the ball a lot to put up points for the Lions. Expect a few turnovers and possibly only single-digits scored from the Lions offense.

Sleeper Picks

QB: Trent Edwards...
Tony Romo threw for 353 yards and three touchdowns at Tampa Bay last week. The Bucs' secondary looked terrible. Now Edwards gets them at home, after a very good performance in New England Monday night. I think he can have a top-five quarterback week.
RB: Correll Buckhalter... It appears he could be the #1 running back in Denver at the moment after getting 46 yards on eight carries in week one against Cincinnati . Now that could EASILY change at any moment. Knowshon Moreno figures to get the most carries as the year goes on, and the team is very confident in Peyton Hillis after he did a great job last season.

In Denver this Sunday, Buckhalter will get a Browns run defense that ranked 28th in the league last year. It's a gamble, but I like his chances to be a good RB3/flex option this weekend, and maybe even have a very nice game. He's more valuable in PPR leagues as he's a good receiver, and Kyle Orton likes to check down in the backfield a lot as we saw with him last year in Chicago with Matt Forte.
WR: Earl Bennett... The Bears' second-year wide receiver was basically red-shirted last season. Now he's reunited with Jay Cutler, who was his college quarterback for a year at Vanderbilt where they were terrific together. Cutler apparently feels most comfortable going Bennett's way now, evidenced by Bennett's 13 targets last Sunday in Green Bay. Only Randy Moss, Wes Welker, and Calvin Johnson had the ball thrown their way more than Bennett in week one.

Now, he's not going to reel in many throws over 15 yards from Cutler and will mainly be a possession receiver, particularly being effective in PPR leagues. But this week against Pittsburgh, the Bears will likely struggle to run the ball. Again, Cutler seems most comfortable throwing Bennett's way, so even though seeing his name next to Pittsburgh this week is intimidating, he should have a solid week.
TE: Greg Olsen... He was my week one best tight end and flopped significantly, catching just one pass for eight yards. With that game in mind and a matchup against Pittsburgh this week, most fantasy owners will overlook him. I wouldn't make that mistake.

Cutler and the Bears know that Olsen is the most talented and biggest target in this offense. Not looking Olsen and Forte's way enough is what the Bears think was a big reason Cutler threw four interceptions in Green Bay. Also, backup tight end Desmond Clark is out, so Olsen will without question be the main guy Cutler looks to over the middle of the field.
K: Matt Prater... The Broncos' kicker made both field goal attempts in Cincinnati. One was from over 40 yards, and the other was a 50-yarder. His problem is accuracy, as he made just 25 of 34 attempts last season and even missed an extra point. I'm going to ride his little hot streak though and think he has a nice week at home against the Browns. The Broncos should at least get plenty of scoring attempts. He's available in a lot of leagues and I'd start him over some better known kickers this week. He's more valuable in leagues that give extra points for kick attempt length(four for 40+, five for 50+, etc.), as he hit six from over 50 yards in 2008.
D/ST: Atlanta Falcons... They're facing Jake Delhomme. Until he comes anywhere close to resembling even an NFL backup quarterback, start whoever is playing against him.

Shit Picks

QB: Carson Palmer...
You all saw what the Packers defense did to Jay Cutler last week, and Carson Palmer really struggled against a Broncos defense that 26th against the pass in 2008. It might surprise you that even last year the Packers were tied for third in the NFL with 22 interceptions. With new defensive coordinator Dom Capers bringing in the 3-4 defense to Green Bay, they're really flying around out there. I expect Palmer to have a good season, but I don't see it going very well in this one, no matter what Esteban tells you.
RB: Willie Parker... 13 carries for 19 yards against the Titans last week. Yikes. Even though Bears linebackers Brian Urlacher and Pisa Tinoisamoa are out(Urlacher for the season of course), I think the Bears will still be able to do a good job to stop the Steelers' run game. The Steelers should have more success passing the ball, and not sure if you've noticed... but the Steelers are a pass-first team these days. I don't know if Willie even gets 13 carries in this one.
WR: Dwayne Bowe... He'll be facing the Raiders which probably doesn't seem like a bad thing to most of you. What this means though, is that he'll have Nnamdi Asomugha all over his ass. In 2008, only 27 passes were thrown in Asomugha's direction, and only eight of those passes were completed. That's why Asomugha is the best cornerback in the NFL, and why I can't see Bowe doing much this week.
TE: Owen Daniels... His quarterback, Matt Schaub, doesn't seem to be healthy(shocking!). Going into Tennessee to face their terrific defense doesn't help things.
K: Jay Feely... This is my hunch pick of the week, and I think people are getting a little too carried away with the Jets' offense after one game(and I'm a big Mark Sanchez fan).
D/ST: Indianapolis Colts... The Dolphins are pissed after scoring just seven points in Atlanta in week one. They'll put up some points in their home opener against a Colts defense that is still without their best player, safety Bob Sanders.

My Week One Picks(scoring based off ESPN standard league settings)...

Best: Drew Brees(36 Points), Adrian Peterson(37 Points), Marques Colston(9 Points), Greg Olsen(0 Points), John Carney(8 Points), Baltimore Ravens(2 Points).

Carson Palmer(5 Points), Fred Jackson(19 Points), Donald Driver (3 Points), Jeremy Shockey(15 Points), Steven Hauschka(8 Points), Seattle Seahawks(15 Points).

Shit: Brett Favre(8 Points), Chris Johnson(6 Points), Brandon Marshall(2 Points), Visanthe Shiancoe(2 Points), Adam Vinatieri(1 Point), Chicago Bears(6 Points).

Green shows it was a notably good pick, red shows it was a bad one. I did a good job picking crap this week. That's always been one of my special talents.

I'll continue to add projections, rankings, update the injuries to watch, and provide more articles from around the web until the early games start on Sunday. So keep checking back for updates.

If you come across any good articles that aren't on here, or have any yourself, don't hesitate to e-mail me:

UPDATE(9/18, 8:00 PM ET): Added a start em/sit em from Souvenir City, and made many changes to the injury concerns.

LaDainian Tomlinson will not play against the Ravens. Darren Sproles will start in place of him, and now moves into the 20-25 running back range for this week. Even against the Ravens, Sproles is a problem for any defense. I think he'll have a solid week especially in PPR leagues.

I had Willie Parker as my running back shit pick, and that was before I found out that he's apparently going to be in a rotation at running back with Rashard Mendenhall. Mendenhall was very unimpressive in the preseason so this is a bit of surprise to happen so quickly. As I mentioned when talking about Willie, the Steelers are absolutely a pass-first team now. I'd avoid both Parker and Mendenhall as anything more than a flex play.

Buccaneers wide receiver Antonio Bryant is "Doubtful" for the game in Buffalo Sunday, as he is dealing with a knee injury. After him, the Tampa wide receiving corps is very weak. Tight end Kellen Winslow could be targeted a lot by Byron Leftwich.

Running back Jamal Lewis was removed from the injury concerns, as he's listed as "Probable". His teammate, running back James Davis, is officially "Questionable".

Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel is "Questionable" and a game-time decision to face the Raiders at home Sunday.

Anquan Boldin is listed as "Questionable" as we're used to with him, and so is the Texans' wide receiver and red zone stud, Kevin Walter. I think at least Boldin will play. I'd keep Walter out of your lineup, as even if he goes, he'll be facing a great Titans defense.

UPDATE(9/20, 11:25 AM ET): Matt Cassel will start today for the Chiefs against the Raiders. I'd still have him on the bench though.

Pierre Thomas apparently will be active, but is unexpected to be much of a factor. Start Mike Bell and Reggie Bush over him.

UPDATE(9/20, 11:42 AM ET): Jason LaCanfora just said on NFL Network that Wes Welker will not play today. That's a big surprise to me and most everybody. That's also a big loss for Tom Brady, but I'm sure he'll do just fine.

Adam Schefter tweets that wide receivers Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston are each a go for the Cardinals.

UPDATE(9/20, 11:55 AM ET): Texans wide receiver Kevin Walter is inactive.

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