Getting our Drink on: Miller Sparks | Sharapova's Thigh

Getting our Drink on: Miller Sparks

Posted by FlyAtTheThigh | 5/01/2010 09:46:00 AM | ,

Yes, Miller Sparks. I stumbled onto this...thing...a few years back at the World Beer Festival in Columbia, SC. The volunteers at the Miller booth said that it tasted like a sweet tart. I, loving sweet tarts, began to throw people out of the way to get a taste of an alcoholic candy.

And that was my first mistake.

As you can see by the picture above, the can is very clear that the product contains alcohol. What the can does not list, however, is that the can contains some sort of devil elixir that is going to have you wired for the rest of the day, may turn your teeth green, and will definitely make you (me) think your pee has turned orange.

Which is most impressive since the only artificial coloring involved in this drink is some sort of yellow dye, per wikipedia.

Also per wiki, apparently Sparks
caught on within the gay San Francisco hipster community, which has been known for its ironic glorification of several other cheap, low-grade alcoholic beverages.

Fantastic. Anyways, Sparks is an alcoholic energy drink that does exactly what you expect it to do...make you drunk, sick, and ultimately tired. For this beast to be only 6% alcohol is a joke. Something that tastes this bad, changes the color of your mouth, and apparently makes you a trendy gay man, should involve more alcohol. Especially in a can the size of a small blender.

In closing, if you find yourself at a Beer festival and Miller is there pushing Sparks, kindly pass. Unless you like thinking you're peeing the rainbow. And if you do like thinking that, be sure to find a girl and ask them if they'd like to taste the rainbow. Because that girl, you know, she's a keeper.


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