But in my defense, I was drinking and essentially chose watching Twilight over doing nothing. And let me tell you, dear reader, it was as bad as I suspected it would be.

I'm now going to write up what I can only assume the script of that..."movie"...was. Full disclosure states that I have to make known that I fell asleep during the middle of the thing and, at one point, began to do the old nWo wolfpack sign and pretend I was the werewolf. I may not be allowed in that theater anymore. Oh well.

[Open scene...some place dark.]

Edward: Oh, you love me.

Jacob: No, she loves me.

Edward: Nuh uh.

Jacob: Yep. Love love love. Give us a kiss.

[Kiss]

Edward: How could you kiss him!? Kiss me!

[Kiss]

Jacob: Now let's kiss each other.

[Kiss]

Edward: You taste like passion. I'm so emo. Look at me. I've got feelings so everyone should care about me!

Jacob: Oh yea? Well look at my abs!

[Will walk around without shirt for 30 mins]

Edward: She still loves me!

Jacob: I'm like the dude from the Jersey Shore. The werewolf is the Situation! Abs! Abs!

[Abs]

Edward: Damn, those are nice abs. Let's make out. Forget this chick.

[Make out]

That last part may have been made up, but whatever. Don't see Twilight.

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