NFL Week 9 Power Rankings | Sharapova's Thigh

The Bieber/Simba hair is leading to wins. But seriously, please cut that shit.

1. New England Patriots
(6-1; Last Week #3)- Five wins in a row and the only one-loss team in the NFL.

2. Indianapolis Colts(5-2; Last Week #4)- Injuries all over the place, and they're still finding a way to play great football. Having Peyton Manning helps of course.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers(5-2; Last Week #1)- I really thought they were the clear #1 team in the league, but they certainly didn't look that way against the Saints.

4. New York Giants(5-2; Last Week #5)- One of the few teams in the NFL that is probably unhappy about their bye week; they were rolling.

5. Baltimore Ravens(5-2; Last Week #6)- 5-2, and they hadn't even been playing nearly as well as they're capable of before their week eight bye. Now that they had an extra week to tune things up, this team could definitely take the next step.

6. New York Jets(5-2; Last Week #2)- Shutout at home. Ouch. After a great start to the season, Mark Sanchez has looked like absolute crap the last three weeks. When he's at least solid, the Jets are damn tough to beat with their great running game and defense. He will be the key to how far this team goes.

7. Atlanta Falcons(5-2; Last Week #8)- Who knew a week nine game against the Buccaneers would be huge?

8. Green Bay Packers(5-3; Last Week #13)- Sensational defensive effort to shutout the Jets on the road. They've done a terrific job at overcoming their ridiculous amount of injuries.

9. New Orleans Saints(5-3; Last Week #14)- Convincingly beat the team I thought was the best in the NFL. That's more like it, defending champs.

10. Kansas City Chiefs(5-2; Last Week #10)- Whaaaa? An important CHIEFS-RAIDERS game ahead?

11. Philadelphia Eagles(4-3; Last Week #12)- Back to being Michael Vick's turn. If nothing else, it's more entertaining for us fans to watch. But in all seriousness, I do think it's better off for the Eagles as well. It may not result in a win this week though, as they have to take on Peyton Manning and the Colts.

12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers(5-2; Last Week #15)- They just keep winning. It's time to take them seriously... I think.

13. Tennessee Titans(5-3; Last Week #7)- Not sure if you heard... but they got Randy Moss. ESPN may have told you. Still, losing Kenny Britt for at least a month hurts them much more than adding Moss does.

14. Houston Texans(4-3; Last Week #9)- They are who we thought they... I don't know who they are. But I do know this- Their defense is garbage.

15. Miami Dolphins(4-3; Last Week #14)- Dan Carpenter is a fantasy gold mine! Dolphins fans don't like it though, as it means the Dolphins are just settling for field goals constantly instead of finding the end zone. But, here they are at week nine with a winning record and with a shot at making the playoffs.

16. Oakland Raiders(4-4; Last Week #22)- When you can run the ball with success and play good defense, you can win a lot of games. It's worked beautifully for the Raiders over the last two weeks. This week is an absolutely HUGE game against the Chiefs that the Raiders must win. After this, they go to Pittsburgh, host Miami, go to San Diego, go to Jacksonville, host Denver, host Indianapolis, and finish in Kansas City.

17. Washington Redskins(4-4; Last Week #11)- No acceptable explanation for Mike Shanahan's Rex Grossman for Donovan McNabb swap in the final two minutes at Detroit.

18. Chicago Bears(4-3; Last Week #18)- They had a bye week to try to improve their offensive line and offensive gameplan in general. If it can't work against the winless Bills, you'd have to think they're fucked.

19. Seattle Seahawks(4-3; Last Week #17)- They've yet to lose at home, but I think that changes this week when the Giants come to town.

20. St. Louis Rams(4-4; Last Week #21)- Sam Bradford is going to be damn good... and he very well may win a division title in his rookie season.

21. Jacksonville Jaguars(4-4; Last Week #24)- A very up and down team has the chance to get a winning streak going. After an impressive throttling of the Cowboys in Dallas, they now host the Texans and Browns.

22. San Diego Chargers(3-5; Last Week #25)- Finally used all of that talent and great stats to beat a good Titans team.

23. Minnesota Vikings(2-5; Last Week #19)- If you're not a Vikings fan, you are laughing hysterically at this team. A lot.

24. Arizona Cardinals(3-4; Last Week #23)- If they had a quarterback that wasn't absolutely terrible, they could win the NFC West. But, they definitely don't.

25. Cincinnati Bengals(2-5; Last Week #20)- One of the many "talented on paper, but not showing results on the field" teams this year.

26. Detroit Lions(2-5; Last Week #29)- We knew Ndamukong Suh would dominate, but this quickly? Wow is he special, and possibly the best defensive tackle in the NFL very soon.

27. Cleveland Browns(2-5; Last Week #27)- The good news is that it looks like there's a few worse teams than them. The bad news is that I still don't see them winning over four games.

28. Dallas Cowboys(1-6; Last Week #26)- Jerry Jones says that Wade Phillips will remain the coach for the rest of the season. That's good news for the rest of the league.

29. San Francisco 49ers(2-6; Last Week #31)- Troy Smith was solid in the win over Denver in London. Heck, he's 1-0 and Alex Smith was 1-6. Stick with him, San Fran.

30. Denver Broncos(2-6; Last Week #28)- Followed one of the most embarrassing losses in the history of the franchise up with an embarrassing loss to a 49ers team that had one win.

31. Carolina Panthers(1-6; Last Week #30 )- This is the most boring team to watch in the NFL, and they could be the worst.

32. Buffalo Bills(0-6; Last Week #32)- They don't seem quite as bad as we thought a few weeks ago, but they're still winless. Good shot for their first win this week against the Bears in Toronto.

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