The Greatest Twitter Account In The History Of Western Civilization | Sharapova's Thigh

In 2009, I did a post on how upset I was about Bill Walton retiring from NBA broadcasting. This year, he's actually returned as a part-time broadcaster for the Boston Celtics and Sacramento Kings, but I haven't gotten the chance to hear him call any of their games yet, to my displeasure.

Well, I may not have gotten my Walton broadcasting fix in awhile, but I've at least gotten some of his analysis on Twitter over the last few days. Okay, so an account spelled that replaces a lowercase "L" with a capital "I" probably does NOT belong to the real Bill Walton, but my God does whoever is running the account have an A+ Walton game. So real or fake, it cracks me the hell up.

Check out some of the awesome tweets(and picture it in Walton's voice of course) from the account:

"Lebron misspoke when he compared the Heat to the Beatles. I think he meant the Bee Gees. Flashy yet overhyped and lacking real substance."

"I find it uplifting that Mike Tyson has found so much beauty in pigeons. Everyone needs something to ruminate upon and feel inspired by."

"@ I am doing wonderful! I can still faintly recall your celebratory thrashing in the face of a lesser Larry Johnson in '93."

"@ I am thoroughly impressed with your athleticism. It is comparable to the famed snow leopard in the Himalayan Mountains of Tibet."

"The Celts have conjured up memories of Havlicek and Heinsohn. The spiritual essence of this great franchise has once again been preserved."

"Is the ever enigmatic Ray Allen playing tonight? He is performing a riveting interpretation of Jack Griffin in HG Well's The Invisible Man."

"Vince Carter misses 2 of 3 FTs to lead or tie the game. What a pathetic display in lacking singular fortitude by an NBA professional."

"Kevin Garnett has the wing span of a remarkably graceful Andean Condor, which feasts upon the eggs of small birds in the general vicinity."

"Nenad Kristic has once again channeled his inner Bill Russell. Tremendous footwork by the big man!"

"Celtics-Bucks is a battle of teams from cities with a rich tradition of people that have a love affair of past times. The energy is palpable"

"I'm hearing a lot about the Heat locker room after the game. I don't remember crying being a part of Coach Wooden's Pyramid of Success"

"2011 has been a great year thus far. It brings me back to an era when I spent time in the forest writing haikus and reflecting on nature"

"When healthy, Andrew Bynum’s nose for the ball brings to mind a rambunctious foxhound descending mightily upon his prey."

"@ Lakers were comparable to the perfect execution of a Beethoven symphony"

"Kobe Bryant: the majesty, the artistry. It's poetry in motion."

"When the Lakers move the ball, their offense is more intense and effective than the British army in the Battle of Loos during WWI."

"Derek Rose trending? Twitterverse, I am utterly appalled by your lack of an education. You must be all USC Trojans!"

"Mike Miller just took the two worst 3 pt attempts in the history of the NBA."

"Joakim Noah is an absolute warrior of epic proportions. It's comparable to a Roman soldier in the Alban War under King Tullus Hostilius"

"There is a new UNLV bball documentary. Count me as 1 person that won't watch. I already lived through the disgrace of Larry Johnson's career"

"UNC is doing things that no team has ever done before - on any planet."

"The only way Chris Bosh is getting into the hall of fame is if he pays the $5.99 admission fee"


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