October 2011 | Sharapova's Thigh

(NSFW- Language)

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Is there anything that gives me a "facepalm" reaction in sports more than cheesedicks wearing customized sports jerseys of players that are not even on the team the jersey represents? I don't think so.

Brett Favre Eagles jersey this past offseason.

Brett Favre CUBS jersey(this one officially makes the least sense ever).

Fans of various teams(Knicks and Nets especially) wearing customized LeBron James jerseys last summer before he of course chose the Heat.

On and on.

It seems that most every time people wear these jerseys of players that are upcoming free agents, or are entering the upcoming draft in their sport, the players don't end up signing with that team. It's karma. Buy one of these jerseys, and karma's usually going to bite you in the ass.

But here these guys(pictured above, duh) were wearing Andrew Luck Colts jerseys to the Colts game against the Titans in Tennessee yesterday.

Is Luck going to be the #1 pick? Yes.

Would the Colts select him with the #1 pick, even with Peyton Manning to return next year? Unless they're offered some awesome trade package(and any trade package for moving up to get Luck would indeed be awesome... probably three #1s and more), yes, they will take him.

Are the Colts winless, with no hope in sight this season? Yes.

But the last time I checked, the Colts aren't the only shittastic team in the NFL this year.

Here's the #1 pick contenders as it stands now:

Colts 0-8

Dolphins 0-7

Cardinals 1-6

Rams 1-6

Jaguars 2-6

Broncos 2-6

Seahawks 2-5

Panthers 2-6

Vikings 2-6

So that's nine teams that have two or less wins. I don't think the Panthers(especially), Vikings, and Jaguars are nearly as bad as the other teams on that list, but an injury to a key player(Cam Newton, Adrian Peterson, Jared Allen, Maurice Jones-Drew, etc.) or two and they could be.

I think the Colts, right now, are the worst team. But you could've argued before yesterday's games that the Rams were the worst team, and they blew out a damn good Saints team, with A.J. FUCKING FEELEY starting at quarterback. You never know in this league.

Hope your team sucks for Luck all you want, but please save the jerseys until draft day next April.

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Other Fantasy Football Articles From Around The Web...
Picks Of My Own...



Joe Flacco- Craptastic against the Jaguars last week, but he'll rebound at home against a craptastic Cardinals secondary.

Matt Hasselbeck- Colts have allowed an NFL-high 14 passing touchdowns.


Knowshon Moreno- As much as so many of you out there want the Broncos to let Tebow loose, I'm not sold that's going to happen yet. I think Moreno gets 15+ touches with McGahee out.

Roy Helu- Tim Hightower is done for the year, and any #2 back in a Mike Shanahan system worth keeping a close eye on. The rookie out of Nebraska gets a Bills defense that is allowing 5.2 yards per carry on the ground, and was by far the worst run defense in the NFL last year.


Antonio Brown- 1. Hines Ward is out. 2. Brown had 7 catches for 102 yards last week. 3. The Patriots' pass defense is ranked last in the NFL.

Nate Washington- If I think Hasselbeck is going to have a big week, of course I think his #1 wide receiver will.


Greg Olsen- Cam Newton should go off against a depleted Vikings secondary. Olsen should be good for five+ catches and maybe a score.

Jared Cook- Another Hasselbeck target.


Buffalo Bills- Facing John Beck and a Redskins offense that is now without Tim Hightower, Santana Moss, and Chris Cooley.

Cincinnati Bengals-Any defense is a very good defense against the Seahawks.



Philip Rivers- Rivers has not been like himself lately, and he has a tough situation going Monday night against a rejuvenated Chiefs team, in what will be a rowdy Arrowhead Stadium.

Kevin Kolb- A brutal matchup in Baltimore.


Maurice Morris- He seems appealing as the "starting running back" with Jahvid Best out, but I think Keiland Williams might even be the better Lions back to have this week in fantasy. Whatever the case, the Broncos are allowing under 4 yards per carry.

Montario Hardesty- Goes up against the #2 run defense in football on the road, and averaging just 3.3 yards per carry.


Brandon Lloyd- He'll be valuable down the stretch, but I don't trust any Rams receivers with A.J. Feeley throwing their way. Wait until Bradford returns.

Sidney Rice- Just three fantasy points in his last two games, and Tarvaris Jackson dealing with a chest injury.


Brandon Pettigrew- The Broncos are allowing just 4.7 fantasy points per game to tight ends.

Dallas Clark-You might even want to cut him if you have another good tight end on the roster. He's never going to be the Dallas Clark you're used to seeing until Peyton is back, so next year.


Pittsburgh Steelers-Not a good start against the Patriots.

Washington Redskins- I like Fred Jackson to have a huge week against this run defense.

If you have any fantasy questions, either ask them in the comments or hit me up on Twitter(@SharapovasThigh).

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On Saturday, we showed you a couple pictures of Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski hanging out with porn star Bibi Jones during the Patriots' bye week. You've probably noticed that those pictures weren't just displayed here on the Thigh, but pretty much all over the sports blogosphere.

So naturally this became a big topic in Boston, and a topic that the Patriots' brass certainly does not want out there.

Well, today, Gronkowski spoke to the media about the pictures:

”I mean, I didn’t intend anything to hurt the reputation of anyone on the New England Patriots or on behalf of Robert Kraft,” Gronkowski said. ”It was a simple picture. That’s all. I’m here now. I’m here to talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers and the big game this weekend.”

”I was not intending to hurt anyone or ruin the reputation of the New England Patriots in any way,” Gronkowski said again. ”It’s a great organiation here, a great football program. I can’t wait to get out to practice and get focused on the Pittsburgh Steelers because that’s all I’m worried about. that’s all I care about.”

Not really an "apology", but still comments that could calm the media storm about the story.

But then Bibi dropped this bomb on Twitter:

Outstanding. That tweet had to result in a double facepalm from Robert Kraft.

Thigh Five: BroBible

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Nice Table Jump, Dickhead

Posted by Matt Clapp | 10/26/2011 09:35:00 PM | , , ,

Well Stanford's academics credibility just took a massive hit, thanks to this asshat:

P.S. Is the table going to be okay?

Thigh Five: Reddit

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ESPN's Kenny Mayne has a new web series, 'Wider World of Sports'. For the series, he went bungee jumping in New Zealand recently.

Here's that video:

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I'm happy to say that Melanie Iglesias is back with another "flip book" video. With Halloween just around the corner, she decided to do a video of her trying on different sexy Halloween costumes.

Here it is:

God bless you, Melanie.

And you can see the video of her first flip book here.

Thigh Five: Bob's Blitz

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How is Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski spending his bye week? Apparently by banging porn star Bibi Jones.

This is after he and 19-year-old superbabe Kate Upton were hitting it off on Twitter. Damn you, Gronkowski. Damn you. Save some for the rest of us, please.

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So right before halftime of tonight's Arizona-UCLA college football game in Tucson, a streaker ran onto the field, dressed as a referee. He blew a play dead, as the teams were set up at the line of scrimmage, and they of course thought it was a real referee doing that. Well, he ran off, and then all of a sudden, the two teams started brawling.

As the guys at BroBible called it, a "prank of epic proportions".

By the way, Arizona is currently up 45-7 in the fourth quarter. But I think we can agree that the streaker is the real winner tonight, even if he has to spend the night in the slammer.

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Big Wheeling Like A Motherf*cker

Posted by Matt Clapp | 10/20/2011 09:27:00 PM | , , , ,

I don't care that this video is from December, because I'd never seen it before tonight, so that makes it new to me.

It's of some dudes just absolutely dominating the road with their big wheels. Drifting like they're racing on DK Jungle Parkway.

Check it out:

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Kyle Dammeyer is a member of Ohio State's water ski team(I didn't know they had these in college either), and recently he had quite the crash at the 2011 NCWSA Nationals.

Check it out:

The play-by-play call was equally as enjoyable.

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Meant to post this yesterday and spaced out...

A dude kayaking off of Redondo Beach, CA(been there a billion times since I lived right next door at Manhattan Beach for five years) ran into some blue whales(you know, the largest animals to ever exist).

And he had a GoPro camera attached to himself as it all happened. He even got some incredible underwater footage.

Here's the absolutely beautiful, amazing video:

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Via TMZ(scene in Vancouver):

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

In the words of George Costanza, "This is one for our side!"

Seriously, watching LaBeouf get pummeled in the face is one of the greatest things I've ever seen. This is one of the biggest douchers in Hollywood, AND he got to bang Megan Fox. Asshole. Getting his ass beaten was long overdue.

Bravo, Canadian shirtless guy. Bravo.

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It's well known throughout Colorado that my friends and I are Golden Tee addicts. Sober(eh who am I kidding?), hammered, whatever... we play this game a lot at the bar.

So I figured I'd start posting some awesome Golden Tee shots that are entertaining to watch even if you've never played the game.

We'll start off with this one that's a putt on hole 17 of Tundra Peak(one of the new courses that's featured in Golden Tee Live 2012):

Absolutely ridiculous. Whoever made this shot probably took off their pants and ran circles in celebration at the bar. I know I would've.

P.S. I made a hole-in-one last night. No biggie:

Thigh Five: Golden Tee

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Just A Live Bear In A Grocery Store

Posted by Matt Clapp | 10/18/2011 11:34:00 AM | , , ,

Clean-up in the produce section... Bear.

Is it just me or are all of these people calm as shit over a live bear(even though it's a young one) hanging out in a grocery store? And know this: When the cub is running around, mama bear is not far behind. This cub looks all cuddly and harmless, then all of a sudden mama bear comes at you out of aisle nine and rips your fucking head off.

Thigh Five: Bob's Blitz

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Wow, really impressed bro. Almost completed six half sit-ups in that minute while getting your Grisham in. I so hope some roided-up dude walked over there and slapped that book away while yelling in an Arnold voice.

Thigh Five: Guyism

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Video: The Scripture On Tebow

Posted by Matt Clapp | 10/17/2011 04:41:00 PM | , , ,

Radio station KS 107.5 FM here in Denver made this video about Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow:


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Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Candice Swanepoel, Lais Ribeiro and Lily Aldridge are seducing you in their Victoria's Secret lingerie in this new ad:

Thigh Five: Bob's Blitz

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In April 2012, the fourth installment of the 'American Pie' series(I'm not counting those straight-to-DVD movies which I assume were god awful) is coming to theaters, and is called 'American Reunion'. As you could easily guess, the film is about the gang returning home for their high school reunion.

Well, a teaser trailer has been released. If you saw 'American Wedding', you're aware that Jim(Jason Biggs) and Michelle(Alyson Hannigan) are now married. And in this trailer, we learn that their sex life is apparently lacking. We also learn that Jim is still up to his highly embarrassing masturbatory fails.

Check it out(NSFW!):

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Long-time visitors of the Thigh know that Rachel Bilson has always been one of my favorites. And I'm glad to say that the former 'O.C.' star is back on the television scene. Rachel will be starring in a CW series titled 'Heart of Dixie'. Now, I don't think I've seen a CW show in my life, and I'm sure this show will be nothing short of terrible, but with these promo pictures they've released of Rachel in the show, I may have to tune in on occasion(with the sound off of course) just to get a glimpse of her A+++++++++++ thigh and adorable face:

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Quite A Beautifully Badass Mountain Biking Video

Posted by Matt Clapp | 10/14/2011 05:12:00 PM | , ,

Video description:
In "The Descent Part II," G-Shock and free-ride mountain bikers, Cameron Zink and Kyle Strait, traveled to Virgin, Utah to test the G9300 MUDMAN Compass' Twin Sensor technology, mud resistance and tough solar power while racing down the dusty slopes. The Twin Sensor allows the wearer to simultaneously check the compass and thermometer.
And the video:

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A couple days ago, we showed you how the Taiwanese animation company NMA put together a video making fun of the NBA lockout. Now, they've made an animated video for the Boston Red Sox collapse(and recent stories in regards to them: Theo to the Cubs, Tito gone, the pitchers eating fried chicken, drinking beers, and playing video games during Red Sox games, etc):

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This took place on the set of ABC's Charlie's Angels:

More! More! I need more!

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Nothing brings the laughs like a good fart. I remember back in high school during an exam in some science class when my good friend(who is a daily reader of this site) let a monster fart fly. We all start laughing, and our teacher yells out, "Who ripped?" Friend: "I did!", raising his head with the biggest smile on his face.

Another fine fart moment, which also took place in high school: At American Pie 2 with a couple of friends the first night it came out in a packed theater. One of the few "serious" moments of the movie was taking place, when my friend let one roar so loudly that the entire theater crowd could hear it. Everybody burst out laughing, and I was in tears laughing(and from smelling this) for a good half hour.

Good times.

P.S. I absolutely lost it when that guy in the video farted on the apple in a grocery store and then ate it.

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Markus Duran, a junior walk-on Pacific's basketball team, made a video showing off his dunking skills.

Check it out:

360? Through the legs in mid-air? Over a trash can? Markus Duran's got it with ease. Just lighting the air up like it's nothing. Get that "white men can't jump" shit out of here, Wesley Snipes.

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A 46-year-old man in Buffalo Grove, Illinois found heaven on Tuesday. Or so he thought/told police.

What he actually came across was a refrigerated beer trailer that belonged to the Schwaben Verein German heritage club and Grove Banquets. And as the TribLocal-Buffalo Grove reports, "The trailer houses kegs connected to taps on the outside. Realizing he had nearly unlimited access cold beer, the man grabbed a nearby pitcher and began drinking." Of course he did.

Well, the next day at noon, staff members at the banquet hall found him absolutely hammered(obviously) and called the cops.

Before being taken to a nearby hospital, he told the cops that he didn't think he'd done anything wrong, and that he thought he'd died and gone to heaven, which was a free beer truck. I can't hate on this guy because that would certainly be heaven to me as well.

No charges were thrown the dude's way by either the police or the club.

Thigh Five: Huffington Post

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Anna Kournikova's still got it, as you can see in by her pictures in the November issue of Women's Health.


One of my all-time favorites.

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Outstanding as always.

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Nice Jump Off The Dock, Dickhead

Posted by Matt Clapp | 10/10/2011 02:53:00 PM |

As a dude, I usually hate seeing this sort of thing because I know how much it sucks to hit your nuts like that. I remember one time as a kid in North Carolina where I went off of a ramp on my BMX. My nuts landed right on the bike frame instead of the seat... probably the worst pain of my life. I really think it was even less enjoyable than what it would be like to have Rosie O'Donnell sit on your face for a minute. Was just terrible.

But this dock-jumping asshat totally got what he was asking for. He tried to be a hot shot and paid the price.

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The Slanch Report(go give them a thigh five) tipped us this video of a big ass Red Hartebeest crushing the shit out of a mountain biker in South Africa during a race.

Check it out:

Just an absolute crush job. Mountain bike in the Red Hartbeest's land and this is what you're gonna get. No flags for hits to the head in the jungle.

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Recently we showed you Derrick Rose's awesome new commercial for Adidas that shows off his new shoes, the adiZero Rose 2. Well, Adidas released a behind-the-scenes video of the commercial shoot that includes some commentary from Rose.

Check it out:

The shoes are now available to buy, and here's a close-up look at them:

The shoes are now available for sale
, in black or white.

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Disneyland and Disney World are amazing... I don't care how old you are. I lived within an hour of Disneyland for five years as a kid and we used to go all the time. Hell, we went there the day after Christmas last year as my parents live in the San Diego area, and we had an amazing time.

Well, this girl's parents surprised her with a Disneyland trip for her sixth birthday. And her reaction is priceless:

If that video doesn't bring a smile to your face, you need some help.

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I'm rooting for the Rangers to win the World Series just to see what celebration she's going to have for us after that.

Thigh Five: Guyism

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Ali Larter Gets Her Sharapova On

Posted by Matt Clapp | 10/08/2011 08:41:00 PM | , ,

The lovely Ali Larter recently hit up the tennis courts in West Hollywood. Check out the pics:

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Dustin Farrell put together and absolutely amazing time lapse video shot in Arizona and Utah.

Enjoy(in HD, I recommend):

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Yes. That will go off beyond the wall in right-center after every Miami Marlins home run in their new ballpark next year. Seriously. For real. This i not a joke. This is not a deleted scene from Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas. This is not a hallucination.

But you'd have to think that whoever created this sculpture was tripping on some serious shit.

Thigh Five: Bob's Blitz

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Usually when we see these videos of first pitches at baseball games, it's of some jackass throwing one to the backstop or straight into the ground. Well, here we have a young man by the name of Max Ashton throwing a strike before game four of the NLDS between the Brewers and Diamondbacks at Chase Field. And Max is blind.


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The Missouri State hockey team has made their ice pink for breast cancer awareness.

Here's a picture of it:

Absolutely outstanding stuff.

Thigh Five: Larry Brown Sports

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Dog Scared Shitless Of Julia Roberts

Posted by Matt Clapp | 10/05/2011 05:35:00 PM | ,

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The NFL record for longest field goal made is 63 yards, a record that the Raiders' Sebastian Janikowski tied in week one. Well, Austin Pachecho, a high school kicker in Nevada, kicked a 64-yard, game-winning field goal this past Friday. And it would've been good from 70+ yards. Yes, he had a tee to use, but still, incredible.

Here's video:

Thigh Five: Deadspin

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BBC and the Discovery Channel are coming back with what is basically considered a sequel to the incredible 'Planet Earth' series. It will be a seven-part series titled 'Frozen Earth'. The series will start on BBC One this fall, and the Discovery Channel in the spring of 2012.

Here's more on 'Frozen Planet', via Wikipedia:

The seven-part series will focus on life in the Arctic and Antarctic. The production team were keen to film a comprehensive record of the natural history of the polar regions, because climate change is affecting landforms such as glaciers, ice shelves, and the extent of sea ice.

Filming is currently underway, and will focus particularly on the challenges facing polar bears and arctic wolves in the north and adelie penguins and wandering albatross in the south, although storylines are still being developed. After an introductory episode, the next four episodes will depict the changing seasons at the poles, before a final episode focusing on mankind’s activities there. Filmmakers will be working in new locations, including Antarctica’s active volcanoes and the Russian Arctic. Sequences already captured include migrating eider ducks and footage of a fur seal colony from the air. The aerial photography will again use the Cineflex and Gyron cameras pioneered on Planet Earth, which enable steady footage to be captured from long-range without disturbing the animals.
And here's a trailer for 'Frozen Planet'(It's awesome, but I'm disappointed that the trailer is not in HD. Don't worry, the series will be):

Thigh Five: Reddit

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Week 5 NFL Power Rankings

Posted by Matt Clapp | 10/04/2011 03:40:00 PM | ,

1. Green Bay Packers(4-0; #1 last week)- Just keep rolling. Aaron Rodgers looks unstoppable.

2. New Orleans Saints(3-1; #2 last week) - Loaded with weapons on offense.

3. New England Patriots(3-1; #3 last week)- Very impressive win on the road against the Raiders. Wes Welker is having a ridiculous season.

4. Detroit Lions(4-0; #4 last week)- Speaking of ridiculous seasons by wide receivers, um, yeah... Calvin Johnson is having one of those. And terrific comeback win by this team at Dallas.

5. Baltimore Ravens(3-1; #5 last week)- Three defensive touchdowns against the Jets.

6. Houston Texans(3-1; #8 last week)- Very nice defensive effort against the Steelers.

7. San Diego Chargers(3-1; #11 last week)- 3-1 and their best football is still to come.

8. Buffalo Bills(3-1; #6 last week)- They were due for a hiccup after three outstanding(and very surprising) wins.

9. New York Giants(3-1; #13 last week)- Pretty remarkable what they've done after all of the injuries they've had. Eli Manning is playing very well right now.

10. Washington Redskins(3-1; #15 last week)- Their defense is playing great against both the pass and run.

11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers(3-1; #14 last week)- Pretty blah performance against the Colts at home on Monday Night Football. But, a win's a win, and I think they'll play better as the season goes along.

12. Pittsburgh Steelers(2-2; #9 last week)- They might have the worst offensive line in football right now.

13. Tennessee Titans(3-1; #19 last week)- Kenny Britt lost for the season during the week three game... Matt Hasselbeck at quarterback... Chris Johnson struggling... and here they are at 3-1.

14. Oakland Raiders(2-2; #12 last week)- The Patriots will make a lot of teams have games like that. Shake it off.

15. Atlanta Falcons(2-2; #16 last week)- Still not playing nearly as well as they're capable of. The offense will be fine, but their defense really needs to pick it up if they want to be a playoff team.

16. Chicago Bears(2-2; #17 last week)- You can read my thoughts on their win over the Panthers at Da Bear Necessities.

17. San Francisco 49ers(3-1; #20 last week)- Jim Harbaugh is doing a terrific job with this team.

18. Dallas Cowboys(2-2; #10 last week)- Same old shit with Tony Romo.

19. New York Jets(2-2; #7 last week)- Their offense is absolutely terrible right now.

20. Philadelphia Eagles(1-3; #18 last week)- "Dream Team" my ass.

21. Carolina Panthers(1-3; #21 last week)- Cam Newton is incredibly impressive. And they finally got the run game going in Chicago. But their defense? Yikes. Matt Forte made those 205 rushing yards look easy.

22. Cincinnati Bengals(2-2; #26 last week)- Coming into the season, I wasn't sure if the Bengals would win two games all year. Great win over what was a 3-0 Bills team.

23. Cleveland Browns(2-2; #22 last week)- A 2-2 team, but the teams they beat were the Colts and Dolphins, and in week four, they were embarrassed by the Titans at home.

24. Arizona Cardinals(1-3; #23 last week)- They might have the worst secondary in the NFL.

25. Jacksonville Jaguars(1-3; #24 last week)- It's going to be hard to expect much out of Blaine Gabbert this year when he only has one solid receiver to throw to(Mike Thomas).

26. Seattle Seahawks(1-3; #27 last week)- Almost beat the Falcons and Sidney Rice is looking like as big of a weapon as the Seahawks hoped he would be. Still, this is going to be a very limited offense.

27. Denver Broncos(1-3; #25 last week)- They're really, really missing Champ Bailey. As I've said all along, quarterback is not the problem. It's absolutely the defense.

28. Kansas City Chiefs(1-3; #32 last week)- Well, they got a win. That's a start.

29. Indianapolis Colts(0-4; last week #31)- Had a chance to beat good teams each of the last two weeks and fell apart at the end. Curtis Painter showed some good things last night though. No reason to play Kerry Collins on this team. See if you have something with Painter for the future.

30. St. Louis Rams(0-4; #28 last week)- It's incredible to me how bad they are. Man was I wrong about this team coming into the season.

31. Minnesota Vikings(0-4; #29 last week) After losing to the Chiefs, you have to wonder who they're going to beat. This is their remaining schedule: vs. Cardinals, at Bears, vs. Packers, at Panthers, at Packers, vs. Raiders, at Falcons, vs. Broncos, at Lions, vs. Saints, at Redskins, vs. Bears. Right now, the Cardinals and Broncos are the only teams you'd think they have a good shot at beating. They might be the favorites for the #1 pick.

32. Miami Dolphins(0-4; #30 last week)- Just terrible. After this week(their bye week), they have a Monday nighter at the Jets. That's likely a loss. And then they host the Broncos, which on paper is their easiest shot at a win. If they're 0-6 after that game, no way Tony Sparano is still around.

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After Andy Roddick lost a first round match at the China Open in Beijing, some asshole reporter asked him if he's considering retirement. Roddick responded with, "I think you should retire", and the rest of the media members at the press conference applauded. Roddick then walked out.

Here's video:

I understand that Roddick's certainly played poorly in the last couple of years and appears to have peaked out, but you don't ask that question to an athlete at a press conference. Absolutely classless.

Hell, I would've told the reporter to go fuck himself.

Thigh Five: OnTheGoTennis

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EA Sports is releasing a new video game in the 'SSX'(Snowboard Super Cross) series which will simply be called...'SSX'. Much like when they released a new version of 'NBA Jam' last year and just called it 'NBA Jam'.

Well, the last 'SSX' game was 'SSX Blur', which was released in 2007 for the Wii. Most people remember the original 'SSX' for the Playstation 2 which was released in 2000, and 'SSX Tricky' which was released in 2001 for the Playstation 2, GameCube, and Xbox.

I had 'SSX Tricky' for the GameCube and played the shit out of it. Absolutely loved it. So I'm pretty excited for the new 'SSX' which is supposed to be much more in-depth as you'd expect, and will of course will be a significant visual improvement over the previous games in the series.

Here's a recently released trailer for the game:

And here's an example of the gameplay from back in June(so it may not look quite as good as the finished product will):

Looks pretty badass.

It's due to release in North America on January 3, 2012 for the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360.

Thigh Five: Pasta Padre

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