November 2011 | Sharapova's Thigh


Looking to get the lady a romantic gift this holiday season? If so, may I suggest the "Little Rooster, a vibrator alarm clock?

From Gizmodo:
The Little Rooster is an alarm specially-designed for women that wakes them by buzzing *ahem* where the sun don't shine. The device sits inside a lady's panties with its tip resting on her privates. At the proper time of day, the Little Rooster will wake her up with increasing vibration intensities. It includes both a traditional snooze setting as well as a Snorgasm setting, which vibrates very gently for "a ten-minute erotic slumber." The Play function allows it to act as a normal sex toy.
The Little Rooster is currently sold out, but more are expected to be available in the next few weeks, before Christmas.

I'm anxiously awaiting the commercial for this product.

Thigh Five: Boston Barstool

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Guys, I think you're gonna need a bigger boat. But seriously, maybe not sit there just chatting it up and having a laugh while there's an 18-foot great white fucking shark circling your asses for 20 minutes?

You know who else was laughing off a great white shark circling his boat? Quint. How'd that turn out for him?



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YouTube description of the video you're about to watch:
Santa embarrassed when beard and hair got stuck in rope while repelling into Palm Beach Gardens Mall while horrified children watch
And the video:



I still prefer this entrance:




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Back with yet another angry Philadelphia Eagles fan. This time, it's a three-year-old:


That was fantastic. Get this kid a TV show NOW.

Thigh Five: SportsGrid

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Watch surfers Taj Burrow and Jay Davies surf the beautiful Fiji water in this awesome video:


Music: "Frequency" by Unouomedude

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Absolutely badass. The music accompanying the video was LCD Soundsystem's "Dance Yrself Clean" if you were wondering.

Thigh Five: BroBible

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Well now I know who the asshole is that stole the YouTube handle I was hoping for. Meet YouTube user eatdatpussy445, who is not very happy about the Philadelphia Eagles falling to 4-7 after their 38-20 loss to the New England Patriots today(and as you'd assume, the language is very NSFW):


Thigh Five: Crossing Broad

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It's been well-documented throughout Thigh nation that I'm not a roller coaster/thrill ride guy. I feel like I'm gonna vom every time I go on Space Mountain for example.

So I can tell you right now that there is no chance whatsoever that I will ever think about going on this alpine coaster(with no brakes anyway) in Austria:


Just insane. I about pissed my pants just watching this.

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It's pretty sad that a six-year-old is more realistic about his team's chances than 99% of fans out there, right? I mean this kid is spot on. Just totally killed it.

If your team's defense doesn't allow a touchdown all game, and then allows Tim Tebow to run down their throats on the final drive for a touchdown like it's nothing, that's totally a reason to cry. And then realizing one of the main teams competing with them for an AFC playoff spot has the Dolphins this weekend? Fucking waterfalls man. This kid's going to start drinking soon and I don't blame him one bit.

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I might add in my own fantasy football picks/advice for week 11 if I have time over the weekend, but for now, I wanted to at least give you guys links to projections, rankings, and other useful fantasy football articles that I found surfing the interwebs.

Remember, the Broncos and Jets play tonight here in Denver, so make sure to check your lineups.

Also, be sure to join the $200 Fantasy Football Freeroll league we're involved with through FanDuel.
Other Fantasy Football Articles From Around The Web...
If you have any fantasy questions, either ask them in the comments or hit me up on Twitter(@SharapovasThigh).

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The 'Miss Reef 2012 Calendar' Video Does The Job

Posted by Matt Clapp | 11/16/2011 10:56:00 PM | , , , ,

This is one of the best SFW babes videos I've come across. Hot asses galore FTW:



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$200 Fantasy Football FREEROLL On FanDuel For Week 11

Posted by Matt Clapp | 11/16/2011 03:22:00 PM | ,

Back with another $200(1st- $75, 2nd- $50, 3rd- $30, 4th- $20, 5th- $15, 6th- $10) freeroll league for you on FanDuel.

Absolutely zero reason to not join, although by now, you should know that.

It's for the week 11 games, starting with the 1 PM ET games on Sunday. So, the Thursday night game is NOT included. Just make sure to be signed up a bit before the Sunday games start.

Here's more details on what to do, and what FanDuel is all about, in case for some reason you haven't found that out for yourself out:

1. First, click here to join: Friends Of FanDuel Freeroll

2. Then, pick your team within a $60k salary cap. Consisting of QB, 2xRB, 3xWR, TE, K and D.

3. Watch the live scoring on FanDuel during the games and see how your picks perform.

So how is FanDuel different from your regular fantasy football league?
  • These are salary cap leagues that last only one week
  • You get instant cash payouts every Monday
  • You don’t have to rely on your buddies – you can pick new opponents every week
  • You can play for free, but playing for real money – for up to $10,000 in prizes per game – takes the fantasy football excitement off the charts!
Again, if you missed it above, click this link to join the $200 freeroll:

Friends Of FanDuel Freeroll

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Is This Eagles Fan Mad?

Posted by Matt Clapp | 11/14/2011 03:39:00 PM | , ,



The only thing he knows is that the Eagles would lose an NFC playoff tiebreaker to the 3-6 Cardinals.

P.S. I can't imagine this guy will ever be in a stable relationship.

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In honor of Veterans Day, the Boston Bruins invited the parents of Lt. Charles Jacobs, of the 182nd infantry, for the ceremonial puck drop last night.

What these parents didn't know, is that presenting them with the ceremonial puck, would be Charles, who they thought was still deployed in Afghanistan.'

Here's video, and you may need to watch this with kleenex nearby:


So awesome.

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Is this the best news we've ever shared with you or is this the best news we've ever shared with you? Because in my book it's not even close.

A Jose Canseco vs Lenny Dykstra boxing match? Yeah, it was a fight I wanted to see(Dykstra backed out), but Canseco vs. SHAQ in UFC? Shaq Fu in the Octagon against the roid-raging dickhead? Oh man. This needs to happen. Now.

P.S. I don't care that Shaq didn't spell "Canseco" correctly, because I'm pretty sure Jose can't either.

Thanks to @LanceGoodthrust for giving up the heads up on this.

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Just absolutely unreal. Felt like 20 tackles broken & 300 yards run. I couldn't even pull that off on rookie mode in a video game.

And better punt return touchdown: Joe Adams' or Devin Hester's against Duke in 2005?


I'm about the biggest Hester fan that you'll find on the planet, and I even may have to go with Adams', especially since Hester's was against, you know, Duke. They're not good at football.

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Is This Dude Mad?

Posted by Matt Clapp | 11/12/2011 09:45:00 PM

NSFW(Language):



I've sat here debating with myself for the last 10 minutes if this guy is mad or not. Can't really come to a conclusion. Any input?

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The Chargers are a mess right now, at least when you consider how much talent they have. Thursday night, in a huge AFC West game against the Raiders in San Diego, the Chargers played like crap, losing their fourth straight game. It dropped their record to 4-5, and they're now third place in the AFC West.

Well, A.C. Slater(whose real name is Mario Lopez but we're not going to call him that... yeah right), tweeted his frustration about the Chargers after Thursday's loss, as he's a fan of the team:


And the Chargers' official Twitter account responded to Slater with an apology:
Very smart move by the Chargers, as you need as much Slatin' as possible on your side. You don't want to lose the moves:



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I might add in my own fantasy football picks/advice for week 10 if I have time over the weekend, but for now, I wanted to at least give you guys links to projections, rankings, and other useful fantasy football articles that I found surfing the interwebs.

Remember, the Chargers and Raiders play tonight, so make sure to check your lineups.

Also, be sure to join the $200 Fantasy Football Freeroll league we're involved in through FanDuel.

Other Fantasy Football Articles From Around The Web...
If you have any fantasy questions, either ask them in the comments or hit me up on Twitter(@SharapovasThigh).

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I just don't even know what to say anymore.

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Let's keep this up in 2012, mmkay Adriana?



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On this night of the bullshit Penn State riots taking place, it was nice to finally find an intelligent Penn State student at the scene that is disgusted by all of the accusations surrounding Jerry Sandusky, and felt the Joe Paterno firing was needed. You know, how pretty much all of us outside of Penn State feel, because it's how anybody that's sane should feel.

Unfortunately, while he had his say on ESPN during a live interview, he was videobombed by quite possibly the biggest idiot(which is saying a lot) at the riots tonight:



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We just showed you a video of the Penn State rioters knocking over a news van, and in this video, you'll see the same thing. However, in this video, you also see a dipshit climbing on a sign, trying to steal it, and ultimately falling on his ass.


Thigh Five: Outside The Boxscore

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It's quite ridiculous that we're getting zero live video coverage of the rioting at Penn State on ESPN, or any news outlets for that matter. We all saw this coming over the last week; they should've been much more prepared for this.

However, it doesn't help that these idiot rioting kids are destroying the news trucks either:


This is so damn ridiculous. Fuck all of these kids.

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Cocaine is a helluva drug.


Just one of the thousands of misinformed asshats rioting in State College right now. A sad scene.

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After Joe Mauer hit just three homers and had just a .368 slugging percentage in 2011 on a Minnesota Twins team that had the second-worst record in MLB, Sony wisely decided to pick a new face for their 'MLB: The Show' video game series on Playstation .

Their choice? Boston Red Sox star first baseman, Adrian Gonzalez. He was also an AL All-Star, won a Gold Glove, and won the AL Silver Slugger award for the first base position.

Gonzalez, 29, hit .338, with 27 homers, 117 RBI, and had a .957 OPS in the 2011 season, after being acquired via trade from the San Diego Padres over the winter. He is the best player on a very popular franchise, and is in the prime of his career, so this is a very smart business decision for Sony. It's hard to think of many other players that would make more sense than Gonzalez as the cover athlete right now.

'MLB 12: The Show' will hit stores on March 6, 2012, for Playstation 3 and Playstation Vita.

Thigh Five: Playstation Blog

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Many of you played in our FanDuel freeroll league for week one, and many of you told me how much you enjoyed the game(which led to many of you playing FanDuel games weekly ever since). And yes, I realize I'm on a record-breaking pace for amount of times the word "many" is used in a blog post.

Anyway, FanDuel's been nice to enough to give us, and other friends of their program, the opportunity to play in another free league, with $200 that will be taken away in prize money(1st- $75, 2nd- $50, 3rd- $30, 4th- $20, 5th- $15, 6th- $10).

It's for the week 10 games, starting with the 1 PM ET games on Sunday. So, the Thursday night game is NOT included. Just make sure to be signed up a bit before the Sunday games start.

Absolutely zero reason to not join.

Here's more details on what to do, and what FanDuel is all about:

1. First, click here to join: Friends Of FanDuel Freeroll

2. Then, pick your team within a $60k salary cap. Consisting of QB, 2xRB, 3xWR, TE, K and D.

3. Watch the live scoring on FanDuel during the games and see how your picks perform.

So how is FanDuel different from your regular fantasy football league?
  • These are salary cap leagues that last only one week
  • You get instant cash payouts every Monday
  • You don’t have to rely on your buddies – you can pick new opponents every week
  • You can play for free, but playing for real money – for up to $10,000 in prizes per game – takes the fantasy football excitement off the charts!
Again, if you missed it above, click this link to join the $200 freeroll:

Friends Of FanDuel Freeroll

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Lady's sitting in the front row, supporting him at a charity basketball game, and he can't even give her a high five. Just leaves her hanging in the most prickish manner possible. Classic LeBron.

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How To Dodge In Dodgeball Like A Boss

Posted by Matt Clapp | 11/09/2011 02:54:00 PM | ,


What the... but... wow. I am quite impressed.

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Would Somebody Give This Deer A Goddamn Taco Already?

Posted by Matt Clapp | 11/09/2011 01:48:00 PM | , ,

This recently took place at some taco joint in Atlanta:


Clearly Bambi's been craving a taco like no other and this place hasn't been treating him fairly as a customer. Eventually you gotta take things into your own hands- Just crash right into the place and run around like a maniac. He probably slammed a few burritos while doing so, and destroyed the place. All it took was some simple service and it didn't have to come to this.

But, damage done: Bambi wins, hipster taco joint loses.

Thigh Five: BroBible

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And... yes, it's me. Not usually one to toot my own horn, but this shot was all sorts of kickass, and I'm surprised 15 ladies didn't ask for my number on the spot. Only 14 did:


Totally how I planned it.

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Cuban centerfielder Yoenis Cespedes is quite a talented ballplayer. The 26-year-old(or so they say) defected from Cuba this summer, and is expected to receive a contract in the $30 million range from an MLB team.

To promote Cespedes to MLB clubs, his agent put together a "showcase" video. Typically, these will just feature highlights of the player that show the player's ability to hit, throw, catch, run, etc, in a favorable manner. It's a way to sell the player, when a simple tryout, or small sample size of games that organizations may see of the player, might not show enough(at least in the minds of the agent/player).

Well, Cespedes' showcase video... I can't decide if I love it or hate it. It's... different. It's... something, that's for sure.

And it's 20 minutes, but you need(for better or worse) to watch it all(and I suggest reading the detailed write-up about it from Baseball Prospectus' Kevin Goldstein before viewing):


What the hell just happened?

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So everybody was all excited about the Jose Canseco-Lenny Dykstra boxing match that was to take place on Saturday night. People cancelling Alabama-LSU plans every which way you look. America was so fucking prepared to see a tobacco-chomping MLB has-been take on a needle-in--the ass-24/7 MLB has-been that can't read. This is the title bout boxing's been missing since the early 90s.

And the thing is, I totally had Dykstra's back in this one. It's no secret that the Thigh and Canseco aren't exactly blood brothers, and I was always a fan of the way Dykstra played the game in his day. Laying it out constantly in the outfield with 40 pounds of chew in his mouth. Shit ain't easy.

But after this news, I lost any respect I had for Dykstra whatsoever:

Lenny Dykstra has pulled out of tonight's Battle of the Baseball Bad Boys against Jose Canseco despite being paid $5,000 cash on Thursday, according to promoter Damon Feldman.

Feldman said moments ago that he and main promoter Alki David met Dykstra on Thursday and paid him cash. The former Phillies star was to receive another $10,000 after the fight but informed promoters around 6 EST tonight that he would not show up.

UPDATE: Just spoke with a friend of Dykstra's who says that Lenny had never signed on to fight Canseco and did not receive any money from the promoters.
Thigh Five: Philly.Com

Not buying that bullshit at all. Jose, I'm taking your side for once.

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Is This Baby The Biggest Asshole Ever?

Posted by Matt Clapp | 11/06/2011 09:10:00 PM | , ,


Geez... if you're not going to help the dog up, at least give him his goddamn ball.

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Yesterday on Wall Street, filming of the upcoming Batman film, The Dark Knight Rises, took place(and will continue there today). YouTube user @deannabee was fortunate enough to have a view from her building, nine floors above the action.

Check out this video of what looks like a crazy scene in the movie:


The Dark Knight Rises is due to hit theaters on July 20, 2012.

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Like the first 30 seconds of that video, I was thinking "This is pretty funny", but in the end I was a bit creeped out. Shit's David Bowie 'Labyrinth' kind of creepy. Then again I still watched that movie like I was paid to as a child.

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You may have heard that there was an earthquake in Oklahoma on Saturday night, for the second night in a row. It had a magntiude, of 5.6, and was centered about 45 miles east of Oklahoma City, in the small town of Sparks.

When the earthquake took place, an Oklahoma man was recording a video about his thoughts on Oklahoma State's huge college football victory over the Kansas State Wildcats, which will move the 9-0 Cowboys to #2 in the BCS rankings, since the #2 Alabama Crimson Tide lost to the #1 LSU Tigers.

Well, he made a funny noise/scream(and it is loud, so you've been warned):



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Monika Pietrasinska Thigh Fives The 11/3/11 Links

Posted by Matt Clapp | 11/03/2011 06:05:00 AM | ,

Thigh Five From Monika Pietrasinska! See More Of Monika At Brosome

Sports

Entertainment
Thighs
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If you check out the Thigh frequently, you're well aware of the struggles of former baseball player Jose Canseco in recent years. Summarized: He's very poor and a (roid)raging psycho(although he did give me a cyber hug once).

Well, former major leaguer Lenny Dykstra's also had some very rough times in his post-baseball career.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

Earlier this month the 1986 World Series champion and former three-time All-Star and Philadelphia Phillies fan favorite-turned drug addict (turned flasher), changed his plea from not guilty to no contest on charges of auto theft and providing a false financial statement.

”Nails” and his co-defendants are accused of trying to lease and sell high-end cars from California dealerships by claiming credit through a fake business. The plea change dropped the 48-year-old’s maximum possible prison sentence from 12 to four years.
Yikes.

So anyway, Canseco and Dykstra need money. And what's a great way for a couple of celebrity has-beens to make some quick, easy money? Getting in the ring of course!

Embattled ex-Phillies star Lenny Dykstra will take on Jose Canseco in Alki David’s Celebrity Fight Night featuring a Battle of the Baseball Bad Boys, at the Avalon Concert Hall in Hollywood. The fight, at 9 p.m. EST Saturday will be online streaming at FilmOn.com and according to Feldman, will also be available on pay-per-view television through Comcast and other providers.
We'll see if Jose actually shows up for this boxing match, and doesn't have his twin brother Ozzie replace him.


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Well so far there's still no evidence of the penis(and I certainly hope we never see that evidence), but this was all I needed to know that Serena has indeed been juicing at least:

Serena Williams fled to the panic room in her Los Angeles mansion when she mistook a sports association drug tester for a dangerous intruder.

The tennis legend's assistant called 911 around 6:00am local time last Wednesday and told the emergency operator that a prowler had been spotted at the luxurious property, TMZ reported.

Williams retreated to her panic room in a bid to protect herself.

But the intruder turned out to be a random drug tester who stopped by unannounced for a urine sample.

Cops responded to the 911 call but quickly left the property when the misunderstanding was discovered. It was not known whether Williams submitted to the drug test.
Source: NY Post

Game. Set. Match.

Just another pathetic attempt at damage control. No doubt in my mind whatsoever. I'm more sure of this than I am of Michael Jordan being a better basketball player than Bobby Hansen.

Serena knew he/she was being caught and flipped out. Then he/she realized, "Oh shit, they're going to report back to the WTA and say I wouldn't take the drug test... what do I do? Oh, I got it! I'll call 911 and freak out saying an intruder was at my house. Yeah... everybody will buy that." Well, not I, Serena.

By the way, the fact that he/she has a "panic room" in his/her house says everything, right? He/she's been expecting this moment.

It's bullshit that the Thigh Goddess has to put up with roided-up bitches/bros like this on the circuit.

Thigh Five: The Big Lead

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HOLY SHIT THIS SHIT IS REAL

Posted by Matt Clapp | 11/02/2011 07:08:00 PM | , ,


That is not a scene from an action movie. That is real life: Two Federal cops in Brazil ran their car into that airplane on purpose, as the airplane was about to take off with $115,000 of smuggled goods.

Badass.

Thigh Five: The Daily What

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Two best video games ever in my opinion- The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time(Nintendo 64), and Grand Theft Auto IV. Played them both for at least 50 hours+ and I don't care if you think that makes me a nerd and a half, because I loved every goddamn second of it.

Well, today, Rockstar Games released a trailer for Grand Theft Auto V, which does not yet have a release date. The game, as you'd expect, looks absofuckinglutely awesome. The setting is apparently "Los Santos", their fictional version of Los Angeles.

Check it out:




Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God. In the words of Bart Scott, CAN'T WAIT!

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The appropriate reaction:


Thigh Five: Cosby Sweaters

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