Sharapova's Thigh

Showing posts with label Ron Jaworski. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ron Jaworski. Show all posts

My New Year's resolution for 2009: Put a hatchet in the back of the skulls belonging to Jaws & Kornhole.

Having an MNF gig does not give the two of you free license to dog a city, a franchise and a defense. Fuck you both right in your stupid ass faces.

MNF sucked. It was an awful game. The only people watching after halftime were diehard Browns fans and diehard Eagles fans.

Guess what: this happens all the fucking time in sports.

You get paid to fill the air. Sometimes it is easier than others. Sometimes its tough. That's why you make 6 digits. Sometimes your job isn't easy.

"This defensive effort by the Browns epitomizes this city and the franchise that are in complete shambles right now."

Oh, you mean the defense that created two turnovers, the defense that was on the field for over 40 minutes in a game, the defense that can't control whether their coordinator calls shitty plays.

Eagles scored on a pick 6. They scored on their first drive of the game. 60% of teams score on their first drive of games. They scored on a 30 yard field. Then they were held to a bunch of field goals.

If either of you knew shit about sports is obvious that the Browns offense and front office are in disarray. 8 first downs doesn't give the defense much time to breath. Forget the fact that the Eagles offense is incredible.

The next time either of you question the heart of a city or of players that have spent over 40 minutes working their asses off you best look behind you because there will be somebody with an axe.

Screw you both.

BallHype: hype it up!Add to RootZoo

Effing Mike Tirico

Posted by Poorly Acquitted | 12/08/2008 09:46:00 PM | , , , ,

So I didn't even watch the game. I just kept up with Clapp's live blog.....Ok not really I'm studying for finals. I had a fantasy rooting interest on the Panther's last drive (I needed Steve Smith to snare 3 points; didn't happen). I saw enough of the game to hear Tirico say, "This is nitpicky, but the correct thing to do would have been to go down."

Disclaimer: I don't mind Tirico. I think he keeps Jaws and Korn-holser under control. I really like him on golf coverage. But......

Fuck you, you stupid unathletic piece of crap!! You look at Tirico and probably assume that he never played any sports. Then he expresses this type of sentiment and you hear a collective groan from everybody watching.

To quote the venerable Herm "Guess-what-America-I'll-be-unemployeed-soon-just-like-you" Edwards: "You play to win the game"

Slide down at the 5 yard line after getting a first down in a 1 possession game? Are you freaking kidding me?!?! You slide down and rest on your one score lead. Next thing you know there is a muffed snap and an overtime game.

Suck a D Tirico.

Random aside: Did anybody see the shot early in the 4th Quarter of the moustached Carolina fan going, "Wooooooo!!" It was so delightfully NASCARish. My roommate aka my dad and I nearly feel off the couch laughing.

Second aside: I don't think Herm Edwards actually gets fired.

BallHype: hype it up!Add to RootZoo

The Football Game: Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers. A huge, huge game in the NFC South, as they're tied for first place with 9-3 records. Furthermore, the winner of this game will be only one game behind the New York Giants for home-field advantage in the NFC, and the Panthers still get to play the Giants. So if the Panthers win tonight and that game, the playoffs in the NFC will likely go through Carolina. I've watched both of these teams play quite a bit and people aren't talking them up enough. These are both Super Bowl threats.

In the first meeting, the Buccaneers pounded the Panthers 27-3 in Tampa Bay. My money's on Carolina tonight, really, as I put a few bucks on them on CentSports(which isn't my money... yet). Speaking of that though, if you're also on CentSports or make some real sports bets and are looking for some advice on making picks, check out The Visionary Sports Handicapping Blog. It's run by a longtime sports handicapper that's out of the business and now just gives ya free advice on his blog daily, it's great.

Your Drinking Game: When Tony Kornheiser mentions his fantasy football team you chug. When he talks about Jeff Garcia's career you chug, even more so when he discusses how the Buccaneers wanted Brett Favre. I can pretty much guarantee he'll say, "Everybody wanted Brett Favre at quarterback and Jeff Garcia's saying, 'Hey, I'm pretty good too.' All he's done is lead his team to a 9-3 record..." The Steve Smith stuff, such as the punch on Ken Lucas in the preseason also is fair game. Any of these things, you drink heavily. Don't worry, I'll join ya.

Inactives(thanks to Rotoworld):
Panthers declared WR D.J. Hackett, third QB Matt Moore, CB C.J. Wilson, LB Adam Seward, G Mackenzy Bernadeau, C Ryan Kalil, T Jeremy Bridges, and WR Kenneth Moore inactive for Week 14.
Bucs declared QB Josh Johnson, third QB Brian Griese, WR Dexter Jackson, RB Noah Herron, S Donte Nicholson, LB Matt McCoy, DT Jovan Haye, and T James Lee inactive for Monday Night Football against Carolina.

Between The Thighs: I'll probably post a separate blog about this in the coming days, but if ya didn't see, we've got a forum/message board going now called "Between The Thighs". The link to it is at the top. You'll have to register, and you must be 18 to join so we can do whatever we want on there(don't worry, anything that's very much adult content will be labeled NSFW so you don't get fired). We've got a great arcade with thousands of games, we've got a forum on there to talk sports, a forum to post and talk about some more hot thighs, and a forum to talk about literally whatever else. So join us on there.

1st Quarter: Alright, pregame Kornheiser went on and on about the Garcia stuff so drink up! Touchback on the kickoff, Bucs with the ball.

First play is a pass for a few yards to a former tight end of my Bears, John Gilmore. Next play, Tyler Brayton all over Garcia's face with a sack. That sounds interesting doesn't it? 3rd and 13, Warrick Dunn looks dumber than Harry Dunn and falls down after a couple yards. Bucs to punt.

WILDCAT! For nothing really, then a couple yards on the next play for DeAngelo Williams.

3rd and 6, Delhomme has time to read a novel in the pocket, throws into triple coverage and hits Mushin Muhammad for a first down. Thanks for catching those last year asshole.

Another first down to Moose, and a few yards for DeAngelo Williams. 2nd and 7 from the 8. Now Delhomme runs around, way out of the pocket, and should just throw the ball away, but gets saced by Kevin Carter(he's still around?).

Jeff King does his best Braylon Edwards impression and drops an easy pass, not sure if he would've gotten to the first down marker though.

Field goal up for Kasay from 37 yards out... good. 3-0 Panthers.

Bucs with a return out to the 27. A couple plays for nothing that I didn't see. They're talking about Cadillac Williams though so I assume he got the ball. 2nd and 9, Garcia to fullback B.J. Askew for a first down.

Warrick Dunn for a yard right at midfield, 2nd and 9, just over 5 minutes to go in the quarter. Garcia swings one out to Cadillac for 7 yards.

Garcia does a great job escaping pressure, dives forward across the marker for the first down.

Warrick Dunn with a run for 9 yards on 2nd and 10, B.J. Askew then gets the first down with a few on the next play. A tripping penalty makes it 2nd and 15, then Garcia's scrambling everywhere again for a few yards, followed by a pass to Antonio Bryant a couple yards short of the sticks.

Matt Bryant from 40 yards.... off the left upright, no good. Still 3-0 Panthers with 14 seconds left in the first quarter. That's a very disappointing result for the Bucs after they put together a very nice drive.

Jonathan Stewart for 2 yards, quarter over.

2nd Quarter:

The Daily Show again gets the carry, this time with a nice run for 6. Play Action to Steve Smith, nice catch for a first down.

I'VE GOT A BEER!

Delhomme running around the field for awhile, finally fines the vacuum guy Brad Hoover wide open, Hoover drops it, would've had an easy first down. On second down, Jonathan Stewart breaks a few tackles and gts a tough handful of yards.

Quick slant to... Dwayne Jarrett? Whaaaaaaa? I forgot he was in the league after having that great career at USC. Anyway, he got the first down. Next handoff to Stewart on a stretch play, loses a few yards.

Brad Hoover with another awful drop. The fans disapprove. 3rd and long to Steve Smith, another awesome catch for a first down. Holy shit is that guy good. Bucs are gonna challenge it, saying he was out of bounds. Looks like he was in.

Roddick's Knee just informed me of a gem I missed on the broadcast. Apparently on the Jarrett catch, Kornheiser said in reference to Delhomme, "He went to Jarrett", as in those Jared jewelry commercials that drive you nuts.

Ruling on the field stands, Panthers ball at the Bucs' 28.

Delhomme rolls out and fires on the sidelines, Ronde Barber comes out of nowhere and picks it off. Not sure if he stayed in bounds though with control, probably another challenge coming. Oh, on challenges, you spend that time drinking as well. Yep, they're challenging this one, and it looks like he caught it. Yep, interception stands.

Dunn runs for 4 yards, then Garcia hits him for a pass for 5 yards. I know our buddy Giff is happy he's seeing the ball, as he needed 15 fantasy points out of Dunn to win his playoff game. Handoff to Askew and he gets the first.

Okay, which one of you is stalking Alyssa Milano? Please don't harm her, we need more pictures like this:


Garcia should've been intercepted the last 2 plays, luckily for him they fell incomplete. The crowd is loud on 3rd and 10, Panthers bring the blitz, and the pass goes to Ike Hilliard and he gets 12 yards for the first down. Tirico points out it's the longest play ofr the night for the Bucs.

Fumble on the next play, but the whistle blew it dead. Wow, he fumbled way before he went down. Somewhere Ed Hochuli is laughing.

Garcia goes deep down the sidelines to Antonio Bryant, caught and down at the 2 yard line. Wow, Bryant burned Steve Smith's good buddy Ken Lucas for the 52 yard play. It looked like he dove for the TD to me before going out of bounds. Tampa calls a timeout, would you challenge this? They've already lost one challenge. I'd just try to get in from the 2 yard line regardless on 4 tries personally.

Replay shows Bryant should've actually been marked down near the 1 as his hand hit down there, but Gruden's out of timeouts as Tirico mentions so he couldn't challenge it anyway. 1st down, incomplete in the back of the end zone.

2nd down, Cadillac is stopped at the line, Jon Beason killed him.

3rd down, Garcia runs all over the field again for at least 10 seconds, tries to force a throw, incomplete. Bucs have to settle for the field goal.

Bryant makes the field goal, 3-3 with 6:35 to go in the first half.

Panthers take the kick back to the 29 yard line, then it's DeAngelo Williams doing the rest. 3 yards, 9 yards, and then breaks free for a 40 yard run. What a damn season he's having. Their running game is just awesome. Now Jonathan Stewart comes in and gets a couple.

On second down, Stewart adds 7 yards with a tough run, and Williams gets first down the next play.

A 7 yard pass to Steve Smith to the 2 yard line, and Stewart pounds it in for a Panthers touchdown. 10-3 Panthers, 1:56 to go in the 2nd quarter.

More in the news of the hot thighs.... Mischa Barton's nude scene in Closing The Ring was named the top nude movie scene of 2008. Also, Amy Smart was naked as usual in a movie this year, and her scene in Mirrors ranked 7th. Our good buddy Toph won't stop telling me how we need to get her on here, so here ya go:


Garcia to Jerramy Stevens for 5 yards on first down, 1:44 to go. Wide receiver screen to Antonio Bryant gets the first down, clock keeps running and remember the Bucs are out of timeouts.

Cornerback blitz by Richard Marshall, Garcia goes down, loss of 6 back to the 33.

Bucs just decide to play it safe and hand the ball to Dunn who gets 7. 3rd and 9 as the clock runs, Garcia sacked again.

10-3 Panthers at half.

3rd Quarter: Corey Brock of MLB.Com is reporting that Padres general manager Kevin Towers has found a 3rd team to get the Jake Peavy deal done, that will send him to the Cubs. That makes me happy, although another starting pitcher wasn't a need for the Cubs. Still, this guy won the Cy Young in 2007.

A few little runs for DeAngelo Williams, but he gets the first down on the third carry. Now Jonathan Stewart with a great run for 28 yards right up the middle, man he's strong.

Delhomme overthrows Steve Smith by 30 yards, but there was a reason for it, illegal contact on Ronde Barber.

Actually, it looks like a bad call and Jaws is not the least bit happy about it. "This is a contact game."

Awful pass by Delhomme, some Bucs dude has it, drops it, then falls down and it lands in his lap. Wow, what a play. There was a flag on the play, but holding on the Panthers, so the interception counts. It was Jermaine Phillips with the pick. Bucs ball at the Panthers 49.

I forgot to mention FlyAtThe Thigh is a huge Panthers fan. And he's not going to like this if it's on the Panthers... deep pass to Antonio Bryant for a touchdown, and the flag is on the Panthers.

10-10 game, 11:23 to go in the third quarter.

DeAngelo Williams loses 2 yards, Steve Smith with a catch for 7 yards, now Moose on a slant route for a first down.

Delhomme follows that up with a nice pass to Steve Smith for 12, and DeAngelo Williams for 7 yards.

Now he throws deep to Steve Smith who is wide open in the end zone, 38 yard touchdown.

17-10 Panthers.

Tampa Bay starts out with the ball at the 31. First play is pass in the flat to Warrick Dunn who gets 2, but it was a good job to not lose yards. Now he gets the carry and runs for 9 yards. There ya go Giff!

Pass to Antonio Bryant for 4 yards, then Dunn runs for 1. 3rd and 5. Pass to the tight end Jerramy Stevens who reaches across for a first down, barely. Whoa, awful spot by the refs and it's 4th and 1. He reached over the marker by a good yard. Anyway, Gruden doesn't want to use his last challenge and is going for it, Askew gets the first down.

Garcia going deep, hits Bryant again. Man, deep pass after deep pass in this game. But Bryant spikes the ball right away and gets a delay of game 5 yard penalty. Bucs ball at about the Carolina 13.

Cadillac for no gain, but unnecessary roughness on Tyler Brayton. Cadillac then takes it into the end zone, 17-17.

What a game for Jeff Garcia so far by the way: 15/20, 220 yards, 2 TD. He can thank Antonio Bryant: 7 catches, 171 yards, 1 TD.

Panthers start with the ball at the 28, and Delhomme to Steve Smith again for a first down on the first play. DeAngelo Williams gets a few plays and a first down, then Jonathan Stewart for 18 yards to the Tampa Bay 30.

Delhomme passes to Steve Smith and why wouldn't he, first down to the Tampa Bay 19. End of the quarter, what a game.

4th Quarter:

Jonathan Stewart keeps kicking ass, this time he gets 9 yards. A couple plays later, he's into the end zone for a touchdown. I'm sure Fly is having some fun at the bar right now. 24-17 Panthers.

At the 28, Dunn for 6 yards, and with a catch for 9 yards to get the first down.

Bucs can't do anything on the next plays, Garcia has nowhere to go and is sacked by Julius Peppers, Bucs have to punt.

Holding on the Panthers on their punt return, they'll have the ball at their own 10. Time for a piss and another beer. DRINK UP! CHUG DAMMIT!

DeAngelo Williams is a stud. 41 yard run.

So is Jonathan Stewart, 30 yard run.

Oh did I mention DeAngelo Williams is a stud? 16 yard touchdown. 31-17 Panthers.

On the kickoff, one of the up men fields it, falls down, gets back up and gets around their own 40. 8:23 to go.

Garcia to Dunn and he just drops it. As impressive as some of the receiving as been in this game, there's been some bad drops.

Garcia with a strike to Michael Clayton, not the movie, for a first down to midfield.

Screen pass to Dunn... he drops it again. Giff must be close to breaking his television.

Sorry I stepped away for a few minutes, this one's just about done. 3rd and 10 for the Bucs from their own 18, first down on a pass to Antonio Bryant.

Warrick Dunn runs for 12 yards, then Garcia on a great seam pass to tight end Alex Smith for 20 yards. Maybe this one isn't over and I spoke too soon.'

Garcia to Hilliard for 8, Dunn for 5, then to Stevens for 8.

From the 15 yard line, Garcia to Antonio Bryant in the end zone, one of the best catches of the year. Dammit Tirico just said that too!

Wow, the extra point is blocked. It's 31-23 now, with 2:29 left.

Onside kick attempt...


DeAngelo Williams gets 6 yards on 2 carries, 2:17 to go and it will be 3rd and 4. Bucs are out of timeouts so if he gets the first down here that'll be the game.

He gets the first down... and plenty more. A 36 yard touchdown. 17 carries, 186 yards, and 2 TD. He'll be on my fantasy studs list tonight/tomorrow that you can find on Fan IQ.

38-23 Panthers, 300 yards rushing.

Dante Wesley who sucked on the Bears last year, of course gets an interception, but with under 2 minutes it's reviewed by the refs and it looks like it hit the ground. It's gonna be 4th and 1 with 1:16 left.

4th and 1 again, and again Dante Wesley thought he had an interception, and it again it's ruled incomplete. Anyway, game over.

Panthers are 10-3, have Denver at home, then they go to New York Giants then to New Orleans to play the Saints. If they win out, they'll have the #1 seed in the NFC. Maybe they'll finally get some respect now. Congrats Fly.

Thanks to all of you that read the blog and hopefully you got drunk.

Final: 38-23 Panthers.

BallHype: hype it up!Add to RootZoo

Ah, the 49ers-Cardinals on Monday Night Football, a game you'll only be watching because it's football, and because nothing else is on. So, how are you going to enjoy this game at all? It's difficult I know. This is what I would suggest:

Drink heavily. This is how I choose to make anything interesting really. Make a drinking game out of things Tony Kornheiser says. For tonight's game, he's sure to talk about Kurt Warner's career and how incredible his revival is. For any time he does this, chug, or take a shot. I'll just go with the chugging. Brett Favre references and talk of TK's fantasy football team are always fair game too.

Also, this should be an old-fashioned shootout. Well, the Cardinals(5-3) will be scoring a lot at least. Kurt Warner's thrown for 381 and 343 yards the last 2 weeks. And if you haven't seen the Cardinals running back Tim Hightower, you'll be impressed. As for the 49ers(2-6), well, they're shitty.

Note To Self: Remember to not eat kung pao chicken before live blogs anymore.

Kornheiser moment: In my fantasy football league for money, I'm up 13 points, but the dude I'm facing has the Cardinals defense. He's projected to beat me by 2. Prove the ESPN fantasy nerds wrong 49ers. I know I can't count on Shaun Hill, so it's up to you Frank Gore: You're officially on notice!

Alright, here we go. As always with my live blogs, beware of anything that will be said after halftime or so, when I'll likely be drunk. Trippel from New Belgium and Budweiser are the drinks tonight.

1st Quarter:

I go to grab a beer, and I comeback and it's 7-0? What the hell? A kickoff return apparently for the 49ers! 7-0 San Fran... the shootout begins with a bang.

Dammit, Tirico just said "begins with a bang"! Ass!

Warner comes out firing to Steve Breaston(or Breast Tons as Fella calls him) for about 20 yards.

And it looks like Warner will probably top 400 yards by halftime.

Hightower reminds me of somebody but I still can't figure it out. I was really impressed with him in the pre-season and it took them long enough to make him the feature back. 12 yards on his 2nd carry.

3rd down for the Cardinals in the red zone, Warner with an awful throw, Rackers puts in a field goal. 7-3 49ers.

Fly... where are you? The Lohan will not let you in the bath unless you join the live blog...


Decent return for the Niners, but a personal foul moves them back to the 19 yard line.

Frank Gore running like he knows he's on notice for 8 yards!

WILDCAT! Michael Robinson on 3rd and about 1 for 5 yards.

3rd and 6, and the 49ers run a WR drag a few yards short of the sticks. Their fans will love that. Breaston with a great return and almost went the distance before he was JACKED UP.

Stomach... regretting... the kung pao chicken... must be drink faster.

Warner to Breast Tons for 5.

WILDCAT! Anquan Boldin runs for 2 yards.

Wow, Warner with a 5 yard wounded duck near nobody... followed by a pathetic punt from Dirk Johnson. The Niners might have a chance after all.

Another drag route on 3rd and long, but luckily for the 49ers there wasn't a Cardinal near the WR Jason Hill on this one, gain of something more than 8.

If the cornerback is looking, I probably just lost my fantasy game as it should've been a pick-6.

Incomplete pass to Jason Hill called on 3rd and 8. Samurai Mike challenges it and it should be changed to a catch. Welp, they called it an incompletion as he lost the ball when he hit the ground. Don't know about that call.

An Edgerrin James sighting! He gets his usual 3 yards. Next play TIP DRILL... fail. Pass luckily falls incomplete in between 3 49ers. Now a false start, 3rd and 12 coming up. Screen pass to Hightower dropped. The fans are booing. Very surprising 1st quarter.

49ers run a reverse on the punt return, handing off to the highest paid cornerback in the history of the league, Nate Clements who gets a nice return up to the SF 45. Kickass special teams play for the Niners in this game.

Gore for 25 yards! Notice working! End of the 1st Quarter, 7-3 SF.

2nd Quarter:

The Cardinals really look crappy thus far. The NFC West is an absolute joke. Shit, the AFC West isn't much better if at all.

Singletary screaming at Vernon Davis again! Yes!

TOUCHDOWN SF! Flag down though... holding defense, touchdown stands. 31 yard pass down the right sideline by Shaun Hill. Great catch by the rookie Josh Morgan who recently made my sleeper pick of him look bad. Thanks for doing this now dickface. 14-3 49ers.

Steve Breaston is having a ridiculous night. He's been great on returns, now just caught an 18 yard pass, followed by a bomb from Warner for 46 yards on a diving catch. 4 catches 91 yards for the Cardinals #3 WR.

ANQUAN BOLDIN TD! That was quick. Boldin might be the best wideout in the league for quick slants, and just took one into the end zone from 13 yards out. 14-10, this is a fun game. And thank you to my week 10's best QB and WR picks for making me look smart for a minute at least.

The Cardinals D is picking up the tenacity. 3 and out for the Niners.

NO! Clark Haggans, former CSU Ram is hurt!

This Trippel is good shit. I'm pretty sure it's only available here in Colorado. It's from New Belgium, my favorite brewery in the world. Belgian style ale, and will get you feeling good fast, as it's 7.8 % ABV.

Breaston with the return gets hit hard, next play Warner hits him on the sideline for 15 yards. It's Steve Breaston's world and we're just lucky to be living in it. 5 catches 101 yards.

WILDCAT! 14 yards rushing for Boldin.

Breaston again 6 catches for 105 yards. New drinking game, every time Breaston touches the ball tonight, you chug. You will be plastered. I'm doing it bitches.

Fumble from Hightower. Nate Clements absolutely just ripped the ball out of Hightower's hands. San Fran recovers, but the replay clearly shows Hightower's knee was down. This will be overturned.

Anquan Boldin is an effing beast. Great catch, then breaks 2 tackles as he's catching it, then gets another 10 yards after the catch. I'd say the Cardinals are glad they didn't trade this guy.

A handoff to Boldin on 3rd and 7 when you have the best aerial attack in the league? Wow. The crowd disapproves. Field goal attempt coming from Rackers... good. 14-13 SF.

Hill is drilled as he throws, ball floating up in the air and the DE can't come up with it. Gore for 4 on 2nd down.

Designed run for Shaun Hill on 3rd and 11, dude is drilled a few yards short of the sticks, takes the hit while his helmet is knocked off, reaches over for the first down! Hill's got some balls and Singletary loves it.

3rd and 1, Michael Robinson lined up at fullback and gets the first down. Hurry up offense for the Niners, incomplete pass. 1:25 remaining in the half. I've gotta say, the MNF crew has been pretty good thus far. Kornheiser hasn't gotten carried away with anything yet. If he just acts like his PTI self, all is well.

Great throw from Shaun Hill on a corner route to Jason Hill for 24 yards and he gets out of bounds. Next play a deep ball into the end zone, could've been PI in my opinion. Singletary agrees... MOON THE REFS MIKE!

Gore for 9, clock running. 3rd and 1 nice pass for Hill to Bryant Johnson, gets out of bounds. 46 seconds left with no timeouts. Shaun Hill really is impressing, looks very composed and in control of this offense.

3rd and 10... Hill with a ridiculous throw into triple coverage to Vernon Davis for a TD! What a catch too! He gets an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after the catch. Singletary's going up to him on the sidelines... HERE WE GO! Davis hugs him and Singletary's smiling? Wow, nobody saw that coming. 21-13 49ers.

The 49ers have to kickoff from their own 15 because of the penalty, great kick, ball bounces off some dude on the Cardinals and goes out of bounds at the 8. Geez. Now they'll just run the last 26 seconds out you'd think. For some reason they throw a pass on the first play for a few yards, makes zero sense. Then they just let the clock run. What a pathetic half by the Cardinals and their fans are booing. Halftime, time to drink some more.

3rd Quarter:


Breaston with another great return out near the 40, the kicker Joe Nedney finally brings him down.

Just regular Ritz crackers I'm finding are fucking fantastic with beer.

Breaston is a machine! After Fitzgerald reels in a 9 yard grab on 1st down, Breaston catches a 19 yard pass. The Cardinals are going no huddle now and Warner's looking good. He hits Fitzgerald again, now a personal foul. We're already at the 14 yard line.


Warner 5/5 on the drive... they hand to Hightower on 3rd and 1, looks like he's just short.

Warner quick slant to Fitzgerald on 4th and 1, TOUCHDOWN! I think he hit Fitzgerald 4 times on that drive. Cardinals opt to just kick the extra point, 21-20 49ers.

Cards kick short since they were burned earlier, and this doesn't work out so well either. Niners return it to around their own 43.

3rd and 4 out of the shotgun, Gore runs a draw for the first down.

Vernon Davis just gave up on a ball in the end zone. If he just dives, he probably has it. It makes me think of Roger Dorn in Major League, "Whaddya want me to do, dive for it? It was out of my reach."

4th and 1 from the 24, it appears Mike Martz is yelling at Singletary to go for it, Singletary wisely disagrees. Mike Martz is a douchebag. Take the points. Fg good from Nedney, 24-20 SF.

NFL United Way commercials... I hate you.

Wow, Jessica Alba is playing a prostitute in an upcoming movie. If only it were real life, I'd pay top dollar for that. Anyway, we need to spice the blog up a bit and nothing does that better than Alba's sweet ass.


Warner passes to Boldin for 17, to Hightower for 4, to Hightower again for 8, Urban Cowboy for 19, and add a roughing the passer penalty to that. Warner is 9 for 9 this half.

Weird sequence here. Hightower loses 3, Warner is sacked, but offsetting penalties cause for the down to be replayed. So it's replayed, Boldin gets a huge gain, but is called for offensive PI. Jaws HATES it. Anyway, the Cardinals are now out of FG range and have to punt on 4th and 19.

A pick-6 for the 49ers! Well, it appears I'm going to lose huge game in my money league for first place. Son of a bitch. WAIT! OFFSIDES! HA!

Fumble 2 plays later recovered by FORMER CSU RAM CLARK HAGGANS! Well, I should've lost 8 fantasy points, just 2 so I can deal with it and still have a chance. I know you care too. 3rd quarter over, 24-20 49ers, Cardinals with 2nd down from the 7 yard line.

4th Quarter:

Offsides followed by a false start. Screen pass for Hightower, gets to the 5, flag down. Facemask, automatic first down, that's a huge damn play. Samurai Mike is sending whoever did that to the locker room hopefully, followed by another great press conference. Holy shit! Now the ref comes back out, "after discussion, there is no penalty". Guaranteed he has money on SF and just realized what he did.

The comedy continues! Flag down, then picked up. Why do you idiots throw the flag in the first place? Just go with your first calls, you obviously made them for a reason. Rackers puts in the field goal, 24-23 49ers.

Fly: I just got in from pint nite. It's good of us to chronicle this epic matchup. I see that a total of 47 points have been scored. I can only assume that it's been the product of a field goal and 22 safeties.

Everytime Frank Gore runs the ball, all I can think of is former ECW champion Rhino and his special move...yes...the Gore. Anyways, third and a long four as we go to commercial. My computer is running slow. I hope they have a commercial that has a way to make it faster. Finally....

HOLY SHIT! SOME DUDE JUST BROKE INTO SOME WOMAN'S HOUSE IN THIS COMMERCIAL! I JUST PISSED OUT ONE OF MY PINTS!!!

Clapp: I was wondering if I was the only one that got that reaction from that commercial.

Fly: Oh, the 49ers. Your name is a bunch of numbers. You suck ass. Dropping a sure first down and punting to Arizona. Is there anyone who really thinks that SF isn't going to lose this game?

I just saw we had a picture of Megan Fox as Wonder Woman up here at the Thigh. Damn. So much for class tomorrow.

Can anyone name 5 of the 49ers defensive players? Their most famous defensive player is their head coach...who was a Bear. This is like the French claiming Napoleon who was, indeed, Italian.

I'm tired of getting these cause invitations on Facebook. I hate everything. I'm not joining any causes unless that cause is an attempt to get rid of cause invitations. I'm also trying to find my waitress from the bar on Facebook. Is that creepy?

Anyways, nice play by Clements on Fitzgerald. The 49ers "offense" is back on the field. Must see TV.

Shaun Hill is working hard to throw it to the wrong team tonight. Finally, the refs allow it to stand.

Clapp: My fantasy team is still alive this week. I'm up 3 now, if that dude scores, I lose. This is incredible. CHUG BITCH!

29-24 Arizona.

If you're SF, you're not afraid, though. You have Shaun "Elway" Hill under center.

Clapp and I may be the only two people in America still watching this game. This is an awful, awful matchup. Southern Cal could beat both of these teams.

I've never been so miserable when watching a football game. I want to go to sleep. I'd rather sit through the extended version of Transporter 3 than watch another second of this game.

Clapp:
Fly just sent me a text , I guess his computer overheated. Okay, this is pretty incredible. I'm up 1 point now in my money league. Please for the love of God just run the clock out now Cardinals. I've never seen a game with so many penalties, and certainly not a game with this many penalties called and then changed.

Cripes... Arizona will have to punt after Hightower loses 4 yards. Like my buddy Topher is telling me, "Hopefully they don't throw an INT on a hail mary." I will not be happy. I can live with 1 sack as I would tie, but cannot have a fumble or INT.

Meanwhile, Frank Gore is dead after Jason Hill gets a 10 yard reception and gets out of bounds. 57 seconds left.

Hill to Hill again at the 15 yard line! 52 seconds left.

And Hill to Hill AGAIN, to the 3 yard line! The clock is running, Niners finally spike with 20 seconds left. Flag down. You know they'll pick it up. INCREDIBLE THEY DO PICK IT UP THIS IS A JOKE!

This is one of the most incredible games I've ever seen. Gore is barely touched, but can't keep his balance, stumbles to the 1 or 2 yard line. Hill spikes it with 4 seconds left. Unbelievable. They're reviewing the previous play, but Gore was certainly down by contact.

Gore down at the 2 and a half yard line. Clock running with the blow of the whistle, 3rd down.

They give it to Michael Robinson and he's stopped short! GAME OVER, CARDINALS WIN! I cannot believe this. AND I WON MY FANTASY GAME BY 1 POINT! FUCK YEAH!

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Hint: That thigh is here, tomorrow. Join us for what's sure to be one of the worst games of the year, filled with Brett Favre and fantasy football comments from Tony Kornheiser. I'm sure it will be Fly and I, or maybe just I, or Fly. Regardless, it's coming from the thigh.

Oh, and it's clothing optional.

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